Literarily, I have been seeing disturbing pictures and stories of females who stay with men who are violent in the name of I LOVE YOU and I asked myself, a lot of times. At the expense of your life, why?
Now, this is the deal. No one is advising you not to be persistent in relationship as singles. I quite understand very well that there are spiritual manipulations in some marital cases but then I ask myself and tell people. Know when to step aside and when to stay in.
I remember some years back I was in a relationship and I suddenly discovered I had lost who I was and my sanity and person. While the so called guy was happy I was unhappy.
I was so blessed this wonderful Sunday morning as Dan Foster was on Inspiration FM playing a message by Bishop TD Jakes, after the message, I started telling myself you must be a fool. A guy you not even married to.
I took a good bath, dressed up and went for a good walk, around as this gave me room to think. I came back home feeling the best and started putting my heads in the right things and actions.
Now, females, these are the mistakes always rearing up that you make.
1. You don’t get involved in a relationship out of self pity.
2. You don’t get involved in a relationship because you think his being overprotective means love.
3. You don’t get involved in a relationship because you feel so lonely.
4. You don’t get involved in a relationship because you feel insecure and unprotected.
5. You don’t get involved in a relationship because you feel its too late.
6. You don’t get involved in a relationship because you feel others are doing it.
7. You don’t get involved in a relationship because that guy is fine and handsome.
8. You don’t get involved in a relationship because you want financial gratification.
9. You don’t get involved in a relationship because people think you should.
10. You don’t get in a relationship out of self pity.
Know the reason why you want to be in a relationship.
Here are tips for you;
1. Sit down, analyse yourself and what you want in a man and a relationship with him (remember, if you are useless you will analyse having a useless man, if you are goaless, you will analyse being with a goaless man. Who you are is who you will get. Work on yourself).
2. Have a strong and sound relationship with God, ask for spiritual guidance and don’t jump ahead of spiritual guidance. Like some people do, before they are told wait. They’ve gone 10 steps ahead, then trouble starts.
3. Develop yourself, build your mind, build your attitude, build your character because in the end you will be able to say if I am not like that, I don’t want a guy like that.
4. Keep your body. It belongs to you. Any guy who says proof your love to me by having sex with me. Just in the word of Praise Fowowe “tell him to go dance naked 3 days in the market and highway to prove it”, because in the end when he snatches your dignity from you, nakedness is what follows.
5. Decide not to settle for anything less in choosing a godly partner.
6. Decide never to tolerate any form of violence, verbal abuse or physical abuse or emotional abuse.
7. Ensure you know not just his financial stability, but how he can handle his finances. I am not asking you to dot after rich men, but there is what is called family accounting system. Is he detailed, so you guys don’t run bankrupt, because of mismanagement. Remember you need to be a judicious spender too yourself to figure that out in him.
8. Make sure he has goals, visions, purpose, because if he does he will be busy creating a world with you to achieve that instead of jumping from skirts to skirts. More so, if he sees value in you other than sex, child bearing and chores the better. Add value to your own life so you can be valuable to him.
9. Know his stands on domestic violence. Know his anger level. I laugh a lot at people who say, he or she will change. Sorry, that’s an error. Its you that would conform to being miserable at the end, if not careful.
10. Be a friend of the Word of God. Constantly ask God, seek God, Know God. I had to repeat this again to make you see its necessity.
11. Don’t take an over possessive guy as a choice of partner. In the end they care less.
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12. Ensure he is in love with his positive personality and also appreciates himself and not what people or females think of him. People who value themselves value others positively.
13. Don’t, don’t, don’t, fight over him. If he is worth it and deserves your love, you won’t need to struggle to have him. Ladies, I see fight ladies over guys to me are cheap skate, because if you fight a billion females, if he will sleep with a trillion he will still do it. Know your worth.
14. Ensure he references certain people in authority, because if he does not, you’re in for a big mess.
15. Be sincere with yourself. Create no idol in your heart towards any guy so you can think freely.
16. Get that ideology of love is blind out of your head. Love is not blind go read 1Cor 13. Its lust that blinds you from reality.
17. Be with a man who wants to correct your mistake in love. That way you progress. Not the one who sees you’re wayward and let’s you continue that way.
18. Sex gratification is not a relationship, stay away from guys who wants to use you for that. They are evil.
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19. Don’t jump after so called spirit filled church activist. The ones who are in every department in the church, although its a blessing to have such but be careful, so pray and accept the one with God in his heart and is God’s choice for you.
20. Learn to control your emotions, feelings, desire and utterances.
21. Read good developmental books that would nourish your mind, spirit and develop your brain.
I pray God guides you in following Him for the right partner in Jesus name! Amen!
Written by :Tolu Eyinfunjowo.
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