Tag: marriage

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 6 Keys To Build A Stronger Marriage Relationship Ties

6 Keys To Build A Stronger Marriage Relationship Ties

By Gideon in Blog on November 27, 2020

We must come to understand the facts that God cannot give a complete person you desire in marriage. He gives the person in the form of raw materials in order for you to mould the person that you desire.

This can only be achieved through prayer, love and Patience.
Moreso, there is no perfect marriage and no ready made one. Marriage is hard work, which will need the spouse to volunteer to work daily on it. Marriage is like a car that needs proper maintenance and proper service. If this is not done it will break down somewhere exposing the owner to danger or some unhealthy circumstances.
It’s imperatively important to focus and determine more on building the marriage together as this article will further help the couple to have a awesome experience in their marriage.

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 6 Keys To Build A Stronger Marriage Relationship Ties

1. Consolidate The Vow.
This is where prioritisation of marriage comes in, you will need to show and work on a preference for the things that will make the marriage better year after year. It means prioritizing your spouse over everything and everyone, including the kids.

Putting your spouse above everything else does not mean that you put all your time and energy into your spouse and their needs. It does mean that you make sure that all the distractions don’t damage your marriage.
It means thinking about your spouse often and considering their opinion when you are weighing a decision.

Prioritizing your spouse also means being unselfish. The selfless act of putting their feelings, needs, and well-being ahead of your own helps you to create a sense of “we,” where everything you do focuses on keeping the marriage healthy.

2. Away From Distractions.WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 6 Keys To Build A Stronger Marriage Relationship Ties
When it’s right, marriage can be a beautiful thing. But that doesn’t mean it’s challenges free. Even those that seem the happiest encounter their share of problems.
It’s all the more reason to focus less on other couples and how green their grass must be and more on taking care of your own grass.

There are time when we are facing trial in relationship and find ourselves searching for answers. We desire to fix the situation and yet in the midst of it we struggle not to lose hope, become discouraged, or walk away feeling defeated. But sometimes a few words can be all it takes to encourage your heart and your spouse.

3. Building Purposefully.
Model the kind of marriage that will make your children want to grow up to be good husbands and your daughters want to grow up to be good wives.
Be your spouse’s biggest encourager, not his or her biggest critic. Always see the good and best part of your spouse.
Be the one who wipes away their tears, not the one who causes them cry. Enjoy the value of union as you celebrates your marriage anniversary.

4. Appreciate Each Other.
As a married couple, part of the vow is to stick with your partner through the good and bad, but being married means more than simply staying together.

One of the most important roles of a spouse, husband or wife, is to light each other up; especially when things are hard. We all have hard time; days where nothing seems to go right.

Sometimes it is more than days. It is weeks or years of unemployment or illness or other difficulties that makes the couple feel overwhelmed, but they have to stick together.
Always striving together to achieve success in all and this will turn strengthen their relationship and advance their union.

Couple will have the best results as they continue to be sincere, humble, considerate and appreciate each other in all things.

5. Remember The Value.WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 6 Keys To Build A Stronger Marriage Relationship Ties
Every marriage is great, beautiful, unique, priceless and special in its own respective ways.
Place value on your union and keep appreciating each other for the opportunity to come together as husband and wife.

In light of this, the couple are supposedly to continuing to live and enjoy common purpose, interest and keep blending together for unity. They should enjoy combine aspirations, vision, goal and target to achieve the best for the fulfilment of the marriage.

Individualism in all must be gradually reduced to the nearest minimum, dwell with the spirit of the great and glorious future ahead.

6. Celebrate The Union.
Marriage is worth celebrating!
In the quest of couple longing for a healthy and secure marriage, they may have experienced so many things, ups and downs are synonymous with great marriage especially one that will last a lifetime.

Sometimes, they might have tried reading all the books, attended marriage seminars, and even counseling, but it may seems like those improvements only last a little while, and then everything goes back the way it used to be.
Now feeling frustrated and lonely, and resigning to the fact that this marriage may not work properly.

But what if you could develop a long-term strategy for dealing with issues in the marriage as they arise? And what if, as a result, you had a relationship that was more open, honest, and loving than you ever imagined possible? Having a practical game plan in place would mean that you could finally feel relieved and optimistic about your marriage each and every day.

Marriage worth celebrating and appreciation to God for the journey so far, beautiful path and great results ahead.
Therefore, Be positive in all, hold each other, with God all things are possible, and that means great success in marriage is equally possible.

Enjoy Your Beautiful Marriage !

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 6 Keys To Build A Stronger Marriage Relationship Ties

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Exclusive Insights To The Financial Management In Marriage

Exclusive Insights To The Financial Management In Marriage

By Gideon in Blog on November 25, 2020

“Incurring Debt Unnecessarily in your Marriage is a sign of bad financial management, it will further unnoticeably destroy so many other things”

In this post, I will not speak about joint account or common purse in marriage, but I want to shed more light on the attitudes of couples to money or income generally.

I have heard about so many couples daily praying and working harder to earn money, but amazingly they are engulfed in the habit of wasteful spending or lavishly.

And it posses danger to the relationship, although this can be traced to the background of the couple or other social influences. It is so sad to hear of many couples who are rich yesterday and today they are struggling to survive.

It will also be unfair to blame anyone for any misfortune when we are actually ignorant of what it takes to have a successful life with marriage.

But here, I resolve that things can progressively change for better, and this is the essence of this article.
Therefore, standard must be set and positive decision must be jointly made by the couple to have a beautiful life in the marriage and these followings points on the marital financial lifestyle can be reset appropriately.

1. Set A Goal.
One of the important things in marriage especially at the very beginning of the marriage through to progressive stage, couple should immediately set goals for both short and long term, that which they wanted to achieve in and with their marriage.

Goal will prompt the couple to be cautious with their income if it’s truly pursued.
Goal will also allow the couple to be focused with reduced distractions, and will help them to concentrate on how to spend their money together.
Living a debt free life will afford you of been a discipline and focused couple.WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Exclusive Insights To The Financial Management In Marriage 2. Live On Your Income.
Believe in your income at present, it can work wonders if you are not living above it.
Allow your income to check mate and caution your expenses. If possible desist from buying things on credit. Maintain a normal, humble life style, so you can live your life not based on assumption but real with peace of mind.
Don’t always judge your life by the standard of living and lifestyle of other couples around you.

“But godliness with contentment is great gain.-1 Timothy 6:6”.
Learn to appreciate your income no matter how much, knowing that progress will be evident as time goes on.

3. Plan For Future.
This is very crucial in marriage relationship, the adage goes on ” if you fail to plan, you are planning to fail”
Adequate planning for the future can be an asset since future is always a misery to the human race. The fear of uncertainty must not rule in the marriage, but confidence and faith in God.

The fact will still remains that tomorrow is not certain and so you must plan adequately for the future in managing your income wisely.

No one has ever thought that the whole world will experience economy shut down because of the pandemic. You must have a financial back up to fall on at the time of crises in the marriage. Security of future with income is important from now.

4. Live Consciously.
Be aware that life is precious when you are conscious of the fact that your marriage is exclusively yours.
There’s no sense in wishing good luck when the couples are already doing things wrongly.
The pattern of your lifestyle should not pose danger to the future of your life and marriage, you may not be able to bear the pain and agony of carelessness.

Life has no duplicate, be sensitive to your spouse’s and children’s health, make sure you do all that is needful as quick as you can to avert danger that may possibly incurred unnecessary spending. Live consciously well today to enjoy tomorrow.

5. Save More, Spend Less.
This is a cardinal point in lasting marriage, financial success is a choice, do it right it will work, do it wrongly it will backfire.
Get prepare for the reality of life, migrate from spending couple to saving couple, save more to enjoy more of the benefits that life offers.

Stop buy things that are not necessary for now, but only the important ones, buy things that are needed for now and suspend others. Curtail your expenses, invest more on profit yielding projects and investments.

Attend seminars on creating a productive lifestyle, talk to financial experts and seek credible counseling. Work together as a team- couple to realise the dream of your beautiful marriage, keep on saving for great life ahead.
Finally, take this lesson:

Don’t eat your seed, only the fruit !WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Exclusive Insights To The Financial Management In Marriage

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Building Bond Of Virtues In Marriage Relationship

Building Bond Of Virtues In Marriage Relationship

By Gideon in Blog on November 23, 2020

Solid, lasting, and trusting relationships are built on a certain foundations. Couples that make it through the long haul instinctively know they have the trust of their partners, because they have worked hard to incorporate these following virtues into their relationships.

1. Virtue of Honesty.
Honesty doesn’t necessarily mean brutal frankness at every turn, but it does require facing even uncomfortable moments head-on, answering questions truthfully, avoiding the keeping of secrets, and sharing important information with one another.
When honesty forms the foundation of a relationship, couples tend to feel safer, happier, and more fulfilled. Partners who want their relationships to go the distance work hard to maintain the trust they’ve developed together.
Honesty is a virtue, but it isn’t always easy to maintain. There are situations that can tempt you or your partner to break the trust you’ve established.

2. Virtue of Transparency.
Nearly everyone want a calm and loving relationship, but this may not come without challenges if the couple are not imbibing the culture of openness virtually in all aspects of their lives.
It is not saying the truth in all matters only, but living the life of absolute truth being evident in all areas of lives.
Keeping no secret as far as you can.

3. Virtue of Honor.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Building Bond Of Virtues In Marriage Relationship Everyone in relationship deserve esteem and respect, blending with each other in mutual love should continuously promoting respect for each other, this doesn’t mean that things will not mixed up sometimes, but it’s quickly put under control.
Honor will afford you of not want to lose the diginty of your marriage.
You also want your children to grow in emulating your marriage and have a better life in future.

4. Virtue of Continuity.
The beauty of every tree is the seed, and this is always conserves for continuity of the tree.
Marriage relationship is beautiful when you accept the fact that your lives, love as a couple will continue to live on in the lives of your children or adopted children as it may be.
The consciousness of this fact should encourage couple to live impactfully.
Hence, your real self worth is projected in the lives of others that are connected directly to your beautiful life.

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WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Top Qualities Of A Good Wife

Top Qualities Of A Good Wife

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on May 23, 2020

Now that you’ve said, “I do,” you’re probably interested in learning how you can be the best wife possible to the man God has placed in your life.

You’re looking for some advice because being a good and Godly wife isn’t as easy as it seems.

Maybe you’re a newlywed or maybe you’ve been married for several years.  Whatever the case, you’re interested in how you can improve yourself and strengthen your marriage.

You may be wondering what does my husband need from me and how can I provide those things to him?

Men, like women, want to know that their spouse supports them, respects them, and is genuinely interested in their daily life happenings.  Just to name a few.

We are going to focus on seven topics that will cover some great qualities of a loving supportive wife.  This is not a complete list, but it’s a good start and can have the biggest impact on your marriage. 

1. Respect Your Husband :

I placed this topic first because in my opinion, if you do not respect your husband then all of the other topics we cover will be a moot point.  What do we mean by RESPECT? 

Praise and compliment your husband in front of family and friends!  Nothing infuriates me more than to be in the same room with a wife that constantly insults her husband (either in front of him or behind his back).  This is incredibly disrespectful and it actually makes the wife look bad and not the husband!

Tell your husband you respect him through words and texts.  He needs to hear your affirming words.

Emerson Eggerichs, the author of Love and Respect, writes, “Women need love.  Men need respect.  It’s as simple and as complicated as that.” 

Granted, both women AND men require respect and love from the other. However, many surveys have concluded that men would rather feel unloved than disrespected and inadequate.

Think about that.

2. Give Him the Benefit of a Doubt (Trust):

This is a big one, too.  Give him the benefit of a doubt.  Husbands want to be trusted!I’ll be the first to admit that my mind can get carried away….far far away.

But if you STOP, and think about the situation logically, you will most likely come back to reality and realize you’ve been overreacting with your thoughts.

Acting as though you don’t trust your husband is tiring, gets old, and quite frankly, leaves you coming across as insecure and negative.  Not a good quality, ladies.

3. Don’t be a Hypocrite:

Don’t set high expectations for him and not yourself.  Don’t get caught up in “what can my husband do for me that will make me look good to others.”  That’s just plain selfish.

Don’t expect him to make your coffee in the mornings, and then not do anything for him. 

Don’t expect him to better himself physically, financially, etc., and then you don’t do the same.

In short, be what you expect your husband to be.  That’s not too much to ask is it?

4. Accept Him As-Is :

If you married a man with a notion that you were going to change him, that’s a huge mistake that you’ll carry on your shoulders for the duration of the marriage.

Accept him as-is just like you would want him to accept you as-is. His style is unique. His thought processes are unique. His habits are unique. If you knew these things about him pre-marriage, and you weren’t a fan of any of them, then that’s on you if you choose to marry him. 

Granted, some things can be discussed and worked out!  Nobody wants to see dirty clothes all over the bathroom floor.  But what I’m referring to goes much deeper than this.

Andrea Miller, author of Radical Acceptance:  The Secret of Happy, Lasting Love, writes “individuals who learn to radically accept their spouse and grow together, despite it all, end up having longer and happier marriages.”

“He knows his weaknesses.  But he needs you to admire his strengths, not draw attention to his weaknesses.  Your husband needs your admiration like you to need his love.”
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Top Qualities Of A Good Wife
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5. Nagging will get you NOTHING

Nagging is nothing more than trying to control him.  Over time, this will create a deaf ear and loss of interest.  Instead, communicate clearly and calmly if there are some items you’d like his assistance with.  Sometimes, people just need a reminder especially if they are working full time, taking kids back and forth to sports, gym class, or have a second job.

6. Give him Compliments:

Men love compliments, too!  Say things like: You look nice. You did a great job. I love your smile. You do your job very well. The yard looks great. You’re a great dad. You’re a great husband. I admire you.

Make sure the compliment is genuine and say it with a smile. Giving Steve compliments is so easy for me, probably because he makes it easy for me to compliment him!

7. Physical Intimacy:

Do we need to discuss this?  Well, in case you haven’t heard…men want and need physical intimacy and lots of it. Their needs tend to be more physical and visual (bring out the lingerie ladies) and we tend to have more of an emotional connection and intimacy need preceding the physical aspect.

The bottom line is this:

A husband and wife should communicate their needs with each other. After all, this part of the marriage is just as important as all the other aspects of a great marriage.

Final Thoughts on Qualities of a Good Wife

Those are my personal top seven qualities of a good wife. There are many other qualities to consider. Some of these qualities may come naturally to us. Some of these qualities will require some practice.

What it boils down to are communication and commitment. Ask him what you can do to better meet his needs. Then make a personal commitment to follow through. 

There is nothing more important to me than treating Steve with my utmost love and respect.

Credit: Anne

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Courtship, Engagement, and Wedding

Courtship, Engagement, and Wedding

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on March 19, 2020

Marriage is not a human custom that gradually came to be accepted during the early history of mankind. Marriage is a God-ordained sacred institution, and it is intended to be a lifetime proposition. Jesus said, “Have ye not read that he which made them at the beginning, made them male and female, and said For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they twain shall be one flesh?”(Matthew 19:4-5).

Marriage originated at the time of creation; it is not a mere human invention. In Genesis 2:24 God says that a man should leave father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they two “shall be one flesh.” That text, given at the beginning of creation, says four things about marriage. Marriage is to be:

monogamous—one man, one woman; a man and his wife permanent—joined to one another speaks of a binding commitment, like epoxy glue heterosexual—given in the context of a man and woman (Adam and Eve)a separate unit—the word “leave” means “to abandon the former relationship”

1. Courtship

The Bible encourages young people to consider marriage—and certainly it is unwise for people to suddenly marry, without ever having paid any attention to each other, or without really getting to know each other. Therefore we approve of courtship among young people—but there are some instructions that need to be passed along to youth.

a. The dangers of courtship

There are many pitfalls during the years of courtship, but the most menacing danger is related to habits which can lead to sexual intimacy.

The primary reason why many marriages end in disaster is because during courtship the couple becomes too involved in their physical attraction for each other. They don’t really get to know each other as persons because the sexual attraction becomes predominant. It is very easy to overlook even obvious personality defects, since so much pleasurable emotion comes from the activities of touching and embracing (necking and petting). At those moments—when the passions are aroused—who cares about personality defects?

The sex experience is beautiful and right—but only within the bonds of true and honorable marriage. Why within marriage? Because God knows that the physical relationship between a man and a woman might lead to the birth of a child—and that the child will only get the proper nurture within the family situation of a godly marriage. The Bible says that “marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled, but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4).

In the Bible, fornication (sex experience before one is married) is classified as being equal to stealing and murder and idolatry. Most Christians would never think of committing murder—taking the life of another person—but God says that fornication is equally wicked.

What most people during courtship don’t seem to understand—is that touching and embracing (necking and petting) are simple acts designed to pave the way to excite the passions for the ultimate act of sexual intercourse. Step by step—if these habits are started, you’ll likely push back the barriers of what you permit—until it is almost impossible to avoid the act of fornication.
Also Read This: The Tragedy of Divorce and Remarriage
Many young persons don’t seem to recognize the principle in human behavior which is known as “the moral law of diminishing returns.” The law simply says (when related to courtship practices) that once a couple has proceeded to one level of intimacy, it is almost impossible to return to a less intimate level. The couple who progresses from holding hands to the act of touching and embracing—can scarcely ever return to the less intimate level and be satisfied.

And so a dating couple should enjoy each other’s presence—carefully avoiding familiar intimacies that could tempt each other beyond the power of self-control. Those people who can’t seem to get enough of each other before marriage (spending evenings pawing all over each other)—are often the very ones who have all kinds of conflicts after marriage.

One of the best safeguards to a pure courtship is a well-planned date—an evening filled with activities that are all planned—things to do and places to go that are planned in advance.

Visit the homes of lonely people in your community, especially the aged and widows and shut-in. They enjoy having a group of energetic young people singing a song, engaging in conversation, or letting a word of testimony. Plan activities with the family at home. Spend time together cooking a meal, making candy, popping corn, looking at pictures, or playing simple games. Spend at least part of each dating period reading and discussing a passage of Scripture. Both can agree to read the same portion of the Bible at the same time each evening of the week. There’s something special about knowing that your special friend is doing the same thing you are doing at exactly the same time, even though separated by many miles.

These are things to do, and places to go, in order to make your courtship constructive and filled with purpose.

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Courtship, Engagement, and Wedding

b. The choice of courtship

The Scriptures are clear: believers are not to even consider marriage with unbelievers under any circumstances at all. The Law in Israel forbade intermarriage with persons from the non-Jewish nations round about them (Deuteronomy 7:3). We are not to marry pagans. Believers are not to give their daughters to unbelieving boys or their sons to unbelieving girls. The New Testament commands the same thing. We are not to be “unequally yoked together with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14).

To those who are not yet married, we must say this: Those who seek your hand in marriage might be generous and well-trained and handsome—but unless they are children of God by faith in Jesus Christ (not necessarily members of your church), and are concerned about obedience to the Scriptures (and give clear evidence of knowing the Lord)—you must not even consider dating [courting] them. Failure to observe this basic law of God has led to shipwreck in thousands of homes—and any girl who marries a young man with the idea that she will change his undesirable traits after the ceremony, is only inviting disaster! If a person is not honest and trustworthy before the wedding day, the words of a marriage ceremony will not change him. If he is careless about handling money before marriage, he will likely exhibit the same characteristics later on.

There are other instructions related to choosing a good partner. Sometimes I’ve been asked the question, “How can I know when I’m in love with the right person?” There is no formula that can be used to accurately answer that question—but here are some statements that will be true about the two of you if you are intended for each other:

1. There will be a feeling that you’ve been lifted to a higher spiritual level through the association with your special friend. One young man said, “Every time I’m with her, she inspires me to become a better person.”
2. You will have confidence and trust in your special friend, and will not really have a desire to date other persons. True love creates a “we” feeling.
3. You will want to see and meet and know your partner’s parents—and brothers and sisters and relatives and friends.
4. You will have respect for the one you love—respect for that person’s beliefs and convictions and moral standards. These things will be more important than his or her physical attractiveness.
5. You will be lonely when circumstances require the two of you to be separated. You will long for the day and the hour when you can be together again.
6. You will hurt when your special friend is hurt or criticized. You will rush to the defense of your friend and seek to support him (or her).
7. You will want your children to have the character qualities and attitudes which are evident in the life of your special friend.

If each of you is bubbling over with these seven characteristics, it is quite evident that love between the two of you is really growing. And remember that true love can thrive without physical contact. If you can’t be together without hugging and holding and squeezing—something is wrong. The base for your companionship is too shallow. Your interest must be in the total person, not merely in his or her physical charms.

If you took a trip together shortly after your marriage—and you were in a car accident—and the body of the girl (or the boy) you just married is really battered—and her face is re-arranged—and the doctor says “She will never quite be the same,” would you still be able to love her and take care of her? True love is concerned about the total well-being of the potential partner, and is not merely a romantic dream about spending eternity in each other’s arms!

2. Engagement

All of us have read the account of the engagement of Joseph and Mary, as it is given in Matthew 1:18-25. “Engagement” is a definite mutual agreement between a courting couple, stating that they will plan for and look forward to marriage. They prepare for marriage by further testing their love, further learning to make adjustments, seeking to correct faults, and making plans for the wedding day.

The couple should only enter into the betrothal period after much prayer, and with the full confidence that God has been leading. There’s a new joy and thrill that comes when planning things together—thinking about the future together. This new, closer companionship will help determine whether your partner’s love is really genuine, or whether it is only a clever imitation.

Sometimes when a young man becomes engaged, he thinks that because the matter of whom he is going to marry has been settled—he can now relax and let his ordinary behavior surface. He may have previously been play-acting. For this reason, sometimes, one (or both) of the partners realizes that the engagement was a mistake (and this is not to encourage breaking engagements)—yet while engagements should not be taken lightly, it is far better to break an engagement than to seek a divorce after marriage.

a. Qualities that should surface during engagement

A prospective marriage partner should have a strong faith in God and should accept the teachings of the Bible as his rule for life—including the practices of nonconformity and nonresistance.He should possess self-confidence, not with an air of superiority thinking he knows it all, but with a positive feeling that he is going to meet and work through life’s problems.He should manifest self-discipline, exercising reasonable control over his temper, his words, and his bodily appetites. He should have ambition and purpose, showing a sense of responsibility toward work, and toward getting things done on time. He should be willing to admit his mistakes, take responsibility for them, and vow to profit from them. He should have mature ideas about how to handle money. He should not be a miser who saves every penny, nor should he be a careless spender, spending everything as fast as he earns it. He should reflect a sense of respect for his home, his parents, and his brothers and sisters.

And of course, any person who looks for those qualities in a potential marriage companion should work diligently to develop those same qualities in his or her own life.

b. Purposes for the engagement period

Engagement is:

a time when you prove your love, and guarantee that you are a team, and are both going in the same direction.a time when you discover in each other an increasing companionship and a growing respect and admiration for each other.a time when you make plans for the wedding and the household that will be established.a time when you discuss such matters as how the money will be handled, how family worship will be conducted, who will take the garbage out, where you will live, and to which church you will belong. The Bible and wisdom teach that it is best not to live at either parental home. To “leave” father and mother—means to abandon the former relationship, not to dishonor father and mother.a time to learn about the more intimate things of marriage—including sexual activity and the birth of children. Seek the counsel of someone in whom you have confidence and speak about the details. A helpful book on the subject (from a Christian perspective, for persons who will soon marry) is “Sexual Happiness in Marriage” by Herbert J. Miles.
Also Read This: Improving Marriage Relationship
It is very important to remember that just because you are engaged, you are not free to explore each other’s bodies. Sexual relationships are for cementing the marriage relationship into a strong and permanent bond.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Courtship, Engagement, and Wedding
3. The Wedding

When it comes time to plan the wedding, determine to let the occasion be marked by simplicity and modesty. The money spent for a showy wedding is not an investment that will pay dividends; it is money spent that is gone forever. Think of the thousands of people in Africa and India who are dying this week.

The wedding is an important ceremony because marriage is a sacred event. Jesus says that at the time of marriage, the couple leaves father and mother and they cleave to each other. They are no more two, but one flesh (Matthew 19:6). Just as Satan tries to take Christ out  of Christmas and the resurrection out of Easter, so he seeks to take the deeper spiritual essence out of the wedding ceremony and put trivia there instead.

a) The wedding event is often too elaborate and expensive.

The average formal wedding today, among many circles in the Western world, involves decorations and gowns and suits and invitations and postage and pictures and a reception—so that the cost often falls between $5,000 and $10,000 and even more. Yet we are aware that a wedding ceremony can be beautiful and impressive and sacred without blindly following the routine cultural patterns.

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Courtship, Engagement, and Wedding

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There are ways to keep the cost of a wedding in a more moderate range. Here are some suggestions.

1) Buy (or make) a nice mid-calf length dress for the bride, and wear it occasionally after the wedding day.
2) Have only a limited number of attendants for the wedding ceremony, and request that the attendants wear clothing which they can wear after the wedding day.
3) Write your own personal notes of invitation instead of sending expensive engraved invitations.
4) Consider limiting the reception to a light snack instead of a full meal. Weddings would be a lot more Christian if they were a lot less elaborate!

There is beauty in simplicity. A wedding is not intended to be a fashion show. It is to be one of the most sacred of all Christian services. The serious purpose of binding two hearts and lives together for a lifetime of home-building must not be lost in the midst of the formality and display of an elaborate wedding procedure. It does not cost much to walk to the front of a church auditorium, and seriously repeat the marriage vows, and then kneel together and pray.

b) The wedding event is often built around the bride.

The typical wedding in many cultures is saturated with materialism. It centers on the bride, and thus violates the Bible principle of mutual love and dignity that should surround both parties in a marriage.

In some circles, the wedding format is something like this:

The people begin to arrive in the church building; there is quiet pre-ceremonial music; the ushers seat the women; the men tag along behind like frightened little puppy dogs. After a few musical selections, the clergy, the groom, and the best man appear from somewhere at the front of the church auditorium. Then, down the aisle come some sweet little girls carrying flowers, followed by some sweet big girls clad in beautiful dresses (often very immodestly designed); and finally—the big, important, momentous occasion arrives! As the rear door opens—and in answer to the call of music—finally, here comes the bride!

All eyes are glued on the bride; the people smile and everybody stands; all eyes watch the bride’s movements very carefully. After someone “gives away” the bride, the people sit down—and from that point the ceremony is in charge of the officiating minister.
Also Read This: The Truth About Living Together Before Marriage
It would be much more in keeping with mutual love if the bride and the groom would walk into the auditorium together—or even for the bride to come via one door with her parents, and the groom come via another door with his parents—and the two meet together at the altar, facing the minister in charge. In the Christian wedding, the worship, honor and glory should be directed toward Jesus Christ, not toward the bride.

After the ceremony the newly married couple should be allowed to greet guests, and then leave the scene of the wedding in peace—with the echo of their vows ringing in their ears, the good wishes of their friends lingering in their hearts, and the blessing of God upon their marriage.

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When two people stand side by side and promise to love and cherish each other until death separates them—it’s not hard to believe that the angels in Heaven hush their songs for a while, and stand in awe as they listen to the solemn vows. May God help each young person to find joy in living, whether your lot in life involves marriage, or whether in the providence of God you happen to remain single. To those who have never married, and you are somewhat older, the right person might still appear on the scene—but if not, don’t become discouraged. It’s better to want what you don’t have than to have what you don’t want!

By Harold S. Martin
Used by permission of Bible Helps, P O Box 391, Hanover PA 17331.USA
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WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Trust In Marriage

Trust In Marriage

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on February 20, 2020

             “Til death do you part”
Do you believe in the permanence of your marriage? What keeps a marriage strong enough to last that long? One thing that will keep you believing that your marriage will last forever is trust.
Prophet Amos declares the fact about relationships and said, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed? Amos 3:3”
‘Agreed’ here simply means continuously trusting each other in all things.

Are you sure that you can believe in your spouse completely? That high level of trust is essential. It helps you keep your positive mindset about your relationship. It’s crucial, but it isn’t always easy.

What is trust?

The definition of trust is a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

As it relates to a marriage relationship, it means that you have an unwavering belief that your partner is reliable and truthful, helping you create a healthy marriage. Trust should be a result of your commitment, and because you are committed, you can have trust.

The old testament word for trust is “batach.” it means careless. Not careless like irresponsible, but unguarded, without worry.
A marriage full of batach is one where two people can be totally themselves and still be confident that their marriage is secure.

How does trust improve your marriage?

Trust is one of the best things about being married. When you know that someone believes in you and that you are loved and accepted exactly the way you are it can be life – changing. When your spouse gives themselves over to you completely, they don’t feel like they run the risk of being ridiculed. They sincerely believe that you will follow through on your commitment, and will not turn against you and cheat on you.
Banking on each other gives couples the chance to share thoughts, feelings, and concerns openly. The belief that your partner will support you no matter what creates a strong bond.

Actions you can take:

So what can you do today to begin improving the trust level in your marriage so you can make it last forever?

First, check in with your spouse on a regular basis. Ask them if anything you say or do causes them to feel like they are not accepted. Ask if any of your actions make them suspicious of you in any way? Are there areas in your life that you can improve that will help them to trust you even more?

Create boundaries that will demonstrate your trustworthiness to the other. These boundaries are especially important if there has been a breach of trust or infidelity in the past. Agree about what constitutes cheating. You may be surprised by the other person’s definition.
God bless your marriage!

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 5 Things in Your Relationship

5 Things in Your Relationship

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on February 2, 2020

I have learned so much being in the marital relationship and I’d like to share a few things to be on the lookout for in your relationship.

1. Less comparing, more considering.

It’s an awesome idea to aspire to have a successful relationship like those around you, however it is critical that you do not fix your mind to think that your relationship has to be EXACTLY like your peers to be great. What works for one couple may or may not work for your relationship. So instead of trying to mold your relationship into an exact replica of someone else’s, consider the one you’re with. Think about your significant other’s personality, needs, and desires and figure out what works best for YOU.

2. There’s only ONE you.
There are no two people on this entire earth that are exactly the same. With that in mind, understand that no matter how similar you and your significant other may be you are STILL two different people. You will NOT always agree on things or have the same understanding on things simply because you are DIFFERENT.

3. Expect to LEARN.
Each experience you share with your fiance/spouse is NEW. Even if some things seem familiar it is still new because there’s no one else like your significant other. Their thoughts, actions, and reactions are theirs alone so you are bound to learn something new.

4. Remember.
Reminisce on what got you to the decision of committing yourself to your significant other. Think back and talk about how you all began as well as your desires for a relationship before you were in one. Remembering will keep you in mind of where you want to go.

5. God: Head, front, and center.
Pray, fast, read and discuss scripture together as well as individually. Disagreements, and uncomfortable moments will be WORLDS easier when you keep Jesus (and His word) before you, as well as making those good things even sweeter.-Please SHARE!

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Tips To Keep the Marriage Alive !

Tips To Keep the Marriage Alive !

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on February 1, 2020

3 “Quickies” to Keep the Love Alive After Years of Marriage

The longer you’re in a relationship, the easier it can be to just go through the motions. A “going through the motions” marriage is not something I want to be in, but I know if I’m not careful, I can very well look up and find that’s the reality of my marriage.

A “going through the motions” marriage can take years to “arrive,” but it’s possible to turn back the clock and rekindle those old feelings of excitement and love. The tips are “quickies,” but they are not quick-fixes. Meaning, they are easy and quick to do, but they must be done consistently over time.

The habits you formed in your marriage over time are what got you to where your marriage is today. The habits I’m about to share with you, when done over time, will bring the love back, will spark the fire, and will have you feeling the good feelings you had when you got engaged.
Here are three ”quickies” to help you stay in love after years of marriage:

1. Play the dating game
I don’t care how many times you see or hear about the importance of dating in marriage, it should never get old. Dating is what led to you getting married, and dating is what will keep you happily married. Never stop dating for as long as you are married. I have a relationship goal to date my wife weekly for the rest of my life. I miss some weeks, but I never get comfortable missing dates with her.

2. Learn to speak one another’s (love) language
If you’ve never read Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages book, then the minute you finish reading this article, visit Amazon or your favorite book store and buy it. If money is an issue, find it at your local library. Your spouse feels most loved when you communicate with him/her in a certain way. Creating the habit of speaking his/her love language will help you stay in love.

3. Forgive even if you can’t forget immediately.
All of us mess up. Some mess up big and a lot, while others mess up small or very little. This includes you and your spouse. Holding onto his/her past mistakes will prevent you from loving them the way you can today and in the future. You may not be able to forget every mistake they’ve made, but you can forgive and still love them.

Those are just a few “quickies” you can do to stay in love. It’ll help you whether you’ve been married a day or longer than a decade. There are many more, and I’m sure you can suggest some yourself …God bless you!
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WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 27 WAYS TO BUILD A HAPPY AND LONG LASTING MARRIAGE

27 WAYS TO BUILD A HAPPY AND LONG LASTING MARRIAGE

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on January 2, 2020

Everyone entering into the arena of marriage relationship has for one time or the other dreams or wish for a happy and lasting marriage, but the truth is that no one can have a good marriage without been conscious of it.
Here are some recipes picked for you as you journey through the life relationship of marriage.

1. Love the person you married, not the person you hoped to married. Accept your spouse totally. You cannot love a man/woman you do not accept. Stop comparing your spouse with anyone, he or she can never be somebody else. Until you accept your spouse, you can’t get the best out of your marriage.

2. Understand each other. No marriage succeeds without understanding. Learn to know one another as best as you can. Understand you are not the same and may never be. Respect that you are both individuals. Get to know each other strengths and weaknesses. Strengthen each other’s weaknesses.

3. Be quick to forgive and quicker to apologize. Love forgives. Learn to accept apology. Freely forgive your spouse’s past, present and future offenses. Never refer to his/her past mistakes. Never go to bed with anger or unsettled quarrel. Marriage is two forgiver living together.

4. Ask your spouse, “What can I do for you today?” every single day is precious and important in your life.

5. Never talk bad about your spouse to other people. Protect him or her and always keep his or her name safe. Fight for each other, not with each other.WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 27 WAYS TO BUILD A HAPPY AND LONG LASTING MARRIAGE

6. Have lots of sex. Enjoy Sex with your spouse. Never withhold sex as a punishment.
Try putting on the light sometimes for you to appreciate his/her soft and wonderful body, enjoy sex in deferent style.

7. Keep the word “divorce” out of your vocabulary. Remember your vows. Review them on a regular basis.

8. Provide for the needs of your spouse and children. Never be stingy to your spouse. Care for his/her needs. Be generous to him/her. Pay your children’s school fees promptly and regularly. Marriage is not 50/50. It’s 100/100. Give yourself entirely, and don’t hold back. Men, Be sensitive to your wife’s needs. Spend money to beautify her.

9. Be faithful to your spouse. Being unfaithful is the easiest way to completely ruin your marriage. Adultery kills, Pornography destroys.

10. Understand and learn each other’s love language. Either it can be words, gifts, touch, actions, etc. If it is words, then frequently tell your spouse you love and appreciate him/ her. If it is action: regularly do things that they appreciate: either take the garbage out, wash the dishes, cook the food, wash the car, etc.

11. Spoil each other. Keep track of the things your spouse loves and buy them for him or her.

12. Communication is the key to a relationship. Talk like friends and lovers. Don’t make your spouse guess what you are thinking or feeling. Don’t expect him/her to read your mind. You should feel free to discuss all things without fear.

Always listen attentively to your spouse. Switch off your phone or television, shut down your computer or iPad and newspapers, books and magazine should be closed. The greatest communication skill you can develop is the listening skill. Be quiet and patient while he/she is speaking, when he/she is done, you can express your opinion. Look straight into his/her eyes when he is talking to you or when you’re talking to him. This will make him/her feel that you are interested in what he/she wants to say.

13. Love, respect and courtesy are basic ingredients of happy married life. Give them generously to your spouse. Show your spouse how much you love, care and appreciate him/her regularly. Say, “I love you,” every single day.

14. Be honest and show sincere appreciation. Appreciate each other. Show your spouse appreciation for the little things. Be thankful and say so!!! Find something that you appreciate about your spouse and say thank you.

15. Surprise each other with lovely gifts, kiss and sex. Kiss passionately. Hold hands. Cuddle. Make physical affection a priority in your marriage.

16. Make quality time for each other. Keep dating each other. Put your marriage and spouse before your children. Play together. Never lose your sense of humor. Make your spouse your best friend.

17. Share everything…no secrets between you. Be open with your spouse.

18. Be polite and courteous to each other. Saying thank you, please and I am sorry.

19. Get rid of bad habits. Don’t do those things your spouse hates. Don’t do things that hurt him/her. Develop a godly character. Don’t create a hostile environment for your spouse. Focus on making your spouse happy. The best way to improve your relationship is to improve yourself.

20. Always be honest to your partner. Lying never gets you anywhere

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 27 WAYS TO BUILD A HAPPY AND LONG LASTING MARRIAGE 21. Aim to do something at least once per week together. It does not matter what, even if it is to eat together, bath together, watch movies together, read books together and share light conversation

22. Do NOT look at other marriages and covet. No marriage is perfect. Remember, the grass is not greener on the other side. You will still have to maintain, mow and weed that side too!

23. Work at your marriage. If you ever lack motivation for your marriage and feel like the flame has gone dead. Just try to imagine yourself without your spouse. Talk to anyone who has lost their soul mate and they’ll tell you that they will give anything to have back that special someone.

24. Remember, it is your marriage and you have come this far. Make the best of it. Pledge to yourself that you will do your part and try your best. Remember that you chose your spouse for forever.

25. All issues need to have a solution and be resolved at the time of the conversation. Finish what you start otherwise things just hang in the balance, which leads to future problems.

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 27 WAYS TO BUILD A HAPPY AND LONG LASTING MARRIAGE

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26. Don’t make mountains out of mole hills. Don’t waste your time fighting over little things. It’s not worth it. Let small things go.

27. Don’t broadcast your problems to everyone else. If you need to talk to someone about it, other than your spouse, get a therapist.

Above all: Serve God together, Pray together & Pray for one another. Pray for your spouse daily in your personal prayers. Be specific. Talk to God about his or her challenges and trials, and ask Him what you can do to be a better spouse.

God bless your marriage !

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 19 Ways To Fix Your Wife

19 Ways To Fix Your Wife

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on October 29, 2019

19 ways to fix your wife – when she is falling apart!

Your wife can be dying in silence while still performing her wifely duties.

You will need to know her to know when she needs to be fixed.

When a woman is always moody, cries a lot, yells on Children, can easily sleep or sleeps a lot, she may be battling with something you are not careful enough to see.

A real man will not allow his wife to fall apart without fixing her and making her better and happy.
If you discover your wife is falling apart, watch out and fix the following:

1. CHECK IF YOU ARE THE PROBLEM
You might be her problem, but out of her respect and love for you, she may not tell you. Ask, let her talk sincerely

2. BE AWARE OF HER RESPONSIBILITIES
Get to know how her work load is killing her. Regardless of whether she stays at home or goes to work, do you know what she does all day? If you don’t, ask her. Her to-do list is probably overflowing with tasks that far outweighs her time and energy.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 19 Ways To Fix Your Wife
3. BE APPRECIATIVE
Be mindful of her needs and appreciative of her sacrifices. The work a woman does at home can be too common that nobody will appreciate her for them, this can be killing her. Appreciate your wife

4. GET INVOLVED BEFORE SHE BURNS OUT
Don’t just be appreciative, but get involved. The best time to begin helping your wife is now. Don’t wait until she breaks down to offer a helping hand.

5. GET MACHINE
Get all the machine needed for her work at home (the ones you can afford). Dish washer, gas cooker, refrigerator, oven, laundering Machine etc

6. BE AN ACTIVE PARTICIPANT
Be totally involved at home, stop delegating parenting and family life. Don’t be a “visiting Professor”, be an active partner in this business of your life. It takes two to parent. It takes two to make a marriage work. It takes two to run a household. Be fully involved in every aspect of your family life.

7. HOLD HER
Hold her like a lover and a friend. Place your hands on her shoulder, her laps, hold her hands, just hold her and let her feel you.

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 19 Ways To Fix Your Wife

8. JUST LISTEN
Men are known to be good talker but very bad listeners. At times what your wife needs is for you to just listen. Do not interrupt, let her unburden, let her talk. Sometimes the best way for a woman to reset is by getting all of her thoughts out. Let your wife talk through her feelings and problems. Show empathy. Listen carefully. Ask questions. Be fully engaged in the conversation.

9. BE A PARTNER NOT A TEACHER
Most men do fall into the “Teaching trap” when they are supposed to be a partner, showing love and consideration. Do not blame, just be there for her. Just listen. That’s all you need to do. And if she wants you to offer solutions, she’ll ask for them

10. GIVE HER HOPE
No matter what happens, don’t ever raise up your hands in surrender. Giving up, crying or weeping will hurt your wife more. Encourage her. Let her know what you love about her. Help her see the good in any situation. Avoid being critical or negative. When she has hit the rock bottom, be the man who lifts her up, and brings light and hope back into her life.

11. BE SENSITIVE
Get to know her mood, get to know her needs, get to know what is needed to be done at home and do them without prompting
Learn the art of looking around the house and finding things that need to get done. Are there dishes in the sink? What is broken that needs to be fixed? Don’t wait to be asked. Just do it!

12. PRAY FOR HER
Take your time off to pray for her, hand her over to her maker who knows the deepest need of her heart . Let God fix her, you can’t do it
Let God know what you appreciate about her. Ask for his help. Ask him to tell you how you can be a better spouse to her. Ask him to comfort her and help her see herself as He see her.

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 19 Ways To Fix Your Wife

13. PRAY WITH HER
Don’t just pray for your wife, find time to pray with her, hug her as you pray together, hold her hands, just talk to your maker together.

14. ASK HER HOW YOU CAN BE OF HELP
Your wife knows what you can do to help her reset, so just ask her. She will open up to you, it may not be what you think, so don’t speculate, ask, She’ll appreciate it more than you will ever know.

15. HELP AROUND THE HOUSE
Give a helping hand around the house. Give her a kitchen holiday for some days, do all the cooking or hire somebody to do it for you. Let her just sit, eat and rest, this may be all she needs.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 19 Ways To Fix Your Wife
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16. TAKE HER OUT
Take her out, eat out, go to the cinema, go to wherever she will love to go, not where you want, just follow her.

17. ALLOW HER TO CRY,IF SHE MUST
“Stop crying, are you a baby?, will you be crying about this little thing?”
This is what most nude earning husband will do when their wives cry, what an insensitive word. If she feels like crying, hold her to yourself and let her do the crying while you pat her on the back. It’s a great way to fix the problem.

18. LET HER GO ON HOLIDAY
Allow her to go on holiday all alone to herself, this can fix the problem as she returns with greater energy.

19. CELEBRATE HER
Let your wife be celebrated. Celebrate her in secret and in public. Talk about her beauty, motherhood, wifehood, support, thoughtfulness. This will make her day.

Let the men read and apply….

Let the women read and pass to the men……especially