Tag: marriage

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Top Qualities Of A Good Wife

Top Qualities Of A Good Wife

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on May 23, 2020

Now that you’ve said, “I do,” you’re probably interested in learning how you can be the best wife possible to the man God has placed in your life.

You’re looking for some advice because being a good and Godly wife isn’t as easy as it seems.

Maybe you’re a newlywed or maybe you’ve been married for several years.  Whatever the case, you’re interested in how you can improve yourself and strengthen your marriage.

You may be wondering what does my husband need from me and how can I provide those things to him?

Men, like women, want to know that their spouse supports them, respects them, and is genuinely interested in their daily life happenings.  Just to name a few.

We are going to focus on seven topics that will cover some great qualities of a loving supportive wife.  This is not a complete list, but it’s a good start and can have the biggest impact on your marriage. 

1. Respect Your Husband :

I placed this topic first because in my opinion, if you do not respect your husband then all of the other topics we cover will be a moot point.  What do we mean by RESPECT? 

Praise and compliment your husband in front of family and friends!  Nothing infuriates me more than to be in the same room with a wife that constantly insults her husband (either in front of him or behind his back).  This is incredibly disrespectful and it actually makes the wife look bad and not the husband!

Tell your husband you respect him through words and texts.  He needs to hear your affirming words.

Emerson Eggerichs, the author of Love and Respect, writes, “Women need love.  Men need respect.  It’s as simple and as complicated as that.” 

Granted, both women AND men require respect and love from the other. However, many surveys have concluded that men would rather feel unloved than disrespected and inadequate.

Think about that.

2. Give Him the Benefit of a Doubt (Trust):

This is a big one, too.  Give him the benefit of a doubt.  Husbands want to be trusted!I’ll be the first to admit that my mind can get carried away….far far away.

But if you STOP, and think about the situation logically, you will most likely come back to reality and realize you’ve been overreacting with your thoughts.

Acting as though you don’t trust your husband is tiring, gets old, and quite frankly, leaves you coming across as insecure and negative.  Not a good quality, ladies.

3. Don’t be a Hypocrite:

Don’t set high expectations for him and not yourself.  Don’t get caught up in “what can my husband do for me that will make me look good to others.”  That’s just plain selfish.

Don’t expect him to make your coffee in the mornings, and then not do anything for him. 

Don’t expect him to better himself physically, financially, etc., and then you don’t do the same.

In short, be what you expect your husband to be.  That’s not too much to ask is it?

4. Accept Him As-Is :

If you married a man with a notion that you were going to change him, that’s a huge mistake that you’ll carry on your shoulders for the duration of the marriage.

Accept him as-is just like you would want him to accept you as-is. His style is unique. His thought processes are unique. His habits are unique. If you knew these things about him pre-marriage, and you weren’t a fan of any of them, then that’s on you if you choose to marry him. 

Granted, some things can be discussed and worked out!  Nobody wants to see dirty clothes all over the bathroom floor.  But what I’m referring to goes much deeper than this.

Andrea Miller, author of Radical Acceptance:  The Secret of Happy, Lasting Love, writes “individuals who learn to radically accept their spouse and grow together, despite it all, end up having longer and happier marriages.”

“He knows his weaknesses.  But he needs you to admire his strengths, not draw attention to his weaknesses.  Your husband needs your admiration like you to need his love.”
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Top Qualities Of A Good Wife
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5. Nagging will get you NOTHING

Nagging is nothing more than trying to control him.  Over time, this will create a deaf ear and loss of interest.  Instead, communicate clearly and calmly if there are some items you’d like his assistance with.  Sometimes, people just need a reminder especially if they are working full time, taking kids back and forth to sports, gym class, or have a second job.

6. Give him Compliments:

Men love compliments, too!  Say things like: You look nice. You did a great job. I love your smile. You do your job very well. The yard looks great. You’re a great dad. You’re a great husband. I admire you.

Make sure the compliment is genuine and say it with a smile. Giving Steve compliments is so easy for me, probably because he makes it easy for me to compliment him!

7. Physical Intimacy:

Do we need to discuss this?  Well, in case you haven’t heard…men want and need physical intimacy and lots of it. Their needs tend to be more physical and visual (bring out the lingerie ladies) and we tend to have more of an emotional connection and intimacy need preceding the physical aspect.

The bottom line is this:

A husband and wife should communicate their needs with each other. After all, this part of the marriage is just as important as all the other aspects of a great marriage.

Final Thoughts on Qualities of a Good Wife

Those are my personal top seven qualities of a good wife. There are many other qualities to consider. Some of these qualities may come naturally to us. Some of these qualities will require some practice.

What it boils down to are communication and commitment. Ask him what you can do to better meet his needs. Then make a personal commitment to follow through. 

There is nothing more important to me than treating Steve with my utmost love and respect.

Credit: Anne

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Courtship, Engagement, and Wedding

Courtship, Engagement, and Wedding

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on March 19, 2020

Marriage is not a human custom that gradually came to be accepted during the early history of mankind. Marriage is a God-ordained sacred institution, and it is intended to be a lifetime proposition. Jesus said, “Have ye not read that he which made them at the beginning, made them male and female, and said For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they twain shall be one flesh?”(Matthew 19:4-5).

Marriage originated at the time of creation; it is not a mere human invention. In Genesis 2:24 God says that a man should leave father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they two “shall be one flesh.” That text, given at the beginning of creation, says four things about marriage. Marriage is to be:

monogamous—one man, one woman; a man and his wife permanent—joined to one another speaks of a binding commitment, like epoxy glue heterosexual—given in the context of a man and woman (Adam and Eve)a separate unit—the word “leave” means “to abandon the former relationship”

1. Courtship

The Bible encourages young people to consider marriage—and certainly it is unwise for people to suddenly marry, without ever having paid any attention to each other, or without really getting to know each other. Therefore we approve of courtship among young people—but there are some instructions that need to be passed along to youth.

a. The dangers of courtship

There are many pitfalls during the years of courtship, but the most menacing danger is related to habits which can lead to sexual intimacy.

The primary reason why many marriages end in disaster is because during courtship the couple becomes too involved in their physical attraction for each other. They don’t really get to know each other as persons because the sexual attraction becomes predominant. It is very easy to overlook even obvious personality defects, since so much pleasurable emotion comes from the activities of touching and embracing (necking and petting). At those moments—when the passions are aroused—who cares about personality defects?

The sex experience is beautiful and right—but only within the bonds of true and honorable marriage. Why within marriage? Because God knows that the physical relationship between a man and a woman might lead to the birth of a child—and that the child will only get the proper nurture within the family situation of a godly marriage. The Bible says that “marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled, but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4).

In the Bible, fornication (sex experience before one is married) is classified as being equal to stealing and murder and idolatry. Most Christians would never think of committing murder—taking the life of another person—but God says that fornication is equally wicked.

What most people during courtship don’t seem to understand—is that touching and embracing (necking and petting) are simple acts designed to pave the way to excite the passions for the ultimate act of sexual intercourse. Step by step—if these habits are started, you’ll likely push back the barriers of what you permit—until it is almost impossible to avoid the act of fornication.
Also Read This: The Tragedy of Divorce and Remarriage
Many young persons don’t seem to recognize the principle in human behavior which is known as “the moral law of diminishing returns.” The law simply says (when related to courtship practices) that once a couple has proceeded to one level of intimacy, it is almost impossible to return to a less intimate level. The couple who progresses from holding hands to the act of touching and embracing—can scarcely ever return to the less intimate level and be satisfied.

And so a dating couple should enjoy each other’s presence—carefully avoiding familiar intimacies that could tempt each other beyond the power of self-control. Those people who can’t seem to get enough of each other before marriage (spending evenings pawing all over each other)—are often the very ones who have all kinds of conflicts after marriage.

One of the best safeguards to a pure courtship is a well-planned date—an evening filled with activities that are all planned—things to do and places to go that are planned in advance.

Visit the homes of lonely people in your community, especially the aged and widows and shut-in. They enjoy having a group of energetic young people singing a song, engaging in conversation, or letting a word of testimony. Plan activities with the family at home. Spend time together cooking a meal, making candy, popping corn, looking at pictures, or playing simple games. Spend at least part of each dating period reading and discussing a passage of Scripture. Both can agree to read the same portion of the Bible at the same time each evening of the week. There’s something special about knowing that your special friend is doing the same thing you are doing at exactly the same time, even though separated by many miles.

These are things to do, and places to go, in order to make your courtship constructive and filled with purpose.

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Courtship, Engagement, and Wedding

b. The choice of courtship

The Scriptures are clear: believers are not to even consider marriage with unbelievers under any circumstances at all. The Law in Israel forbade intermarriage with persons from the non-Jewish nations round about them (Deuteronomy 7:3). We are not to marry pagans. Believers are not to give their daughters to unbelieving boys or their sons to unbelieving girls. The New Testament commands the same thing. We are not to be “unequally yoked together with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14).

To those who are not yet married, we must say this: Those who seek your hand in marriage might be generous and well-trained and handsome—but unless they are children of God by faith in Jesus Christ (not necessarily members of your church), and are concerned about obedience to the Scriptures (and give clear evidence of knowing the Lord)—you must not even consider dating [courting] them. Failure to observe this basic law of God has led to shipwreck in thousands of homes—and any girl who marries a young man with the idea that she will change his undesirable traits after the ceremony, is only inviting disaster! If a person is not honest and trustworthy before the wedding day, the words of a marriage ceremony will not change him. If he is careless about handling money before marriage, he will likely exhibit the same characteristics later on.

There are other instructions related to choosing a good partner. Sometimes I’ve been asked the question, “How can I know when I’m in love with the right person?” There is no formula that can be used to accurately answer that question—but here are some statements that will be true about the two of you if you are intended for each other:

1. There will be a feeling that you’ve been lifted to a higher spiritual level through the association with your special friend. One young man said, “Every time I’m with her, she inspires me to become a better person.”
2. You will have confidence and trust in your special friend, and will not really have a desire to date other persons. True love creates a “we” feeling.
3. You will want to see and meet and know your partner’s parents—and brothers and sisters and relatives and friends.
4. You will have respect for the one you love—respect for that person’s beliefs and convictions and moral standards. These things will be more important than his or her physical attractiveness.
5. You will be lonely when circumstances require the two of you to be separated. You will long for the day and the hour when you can be together again.
6. You will hurt when your special friend is hurt or criticized. You will rush to the defense of your friend and seek to support him (or her).
7. You will want your children to have the character qualities and attitudes which are evident in the life of your special friend.

If each of you is bubbling over with these seven characteristics, it is quite evident that love between the two of you is really growing. And remember that true love can thrive without physical contact. If you can’t be together without hugging and holding and squeezing—something is wrong. The base for your companionship is too shallow. Your interest must be in the total person, not merely in his or her physical charms.

If you took a trip together shortly after your marriage—and you were in a car accident—and the body of the girl (or the boy) you just married is really battered—and her face is re-arranged—and the doctor says “She will never quite be the same,” would you still be able to love her and take care of her? True love is concerned about the total well-being of the potential partner, and is not merely a romantic dream about spending eternity in each other’s arms!

2. Engagement

All of us have read the account of the engagement of Joseph and Mary, as it is given in Matthew 1:18-25. “Engagement” is a definite mutual agreement between a courting couple, stating that they will plan for and look forward to marriage. They prepare for marriage by further testing their love, further learning to make adjustments, seeking to correct faults, and making plans for the wedding day.

The couple should only enter into the betrothal period after much prayer, and with the full confidence that God has been leading. There’s a new joy and thrill that comes when planning things together—thinking about the future together. This new, closer companionship will help determine whether your partner’s love is really genuine, or whether it is only a clever imitation.

Sometimes when a young man becomes engaged, he thinks that because the matter of whom he is going to marry has been settled—he can now relax and let his ordinary behavior surface. He may have previously been play-acting. For this reason, sometimes, one (or both) of the partners realizes that the engagement was a mistake (and this is not to encourage breaking engagements)—yet while engagements should not be taken lightly, it is far better to break an engagement than to seek a divorce after marriage.

a. Qualities that should surface during engagement

A prospective marriage partner should have a strong faith in God and should accept the teachings of the Bible as his rule for life—including the practices of nonconformity and nonresistance.He should possess self-confidence, not with an air of superiority thinking he knows it all, but with a positive feeling that he is going to meet and work through life’s problems.He should manifest self-discipline, exercising reasonable control over his temper, his words, and his bodily appetites. He should have ambition and purpose, showing a sense of responsibility toward work, and toward getting things done on time. He should be willing to admit his mistakes, take responsibility for them, and vow to profit from them. He should have mature ideas about how to handle money. He should not be a miser who saves every penny, nor should he be a careless spender, spending everything as fast as he earns it. He should reflect a sense of respect for his home, his parents, and his brothers and sisters.

And of course, any person who looks for those qualities in a potential marriage companion should work diligently to develop those same qualities in his or her own life.

b. Purposes for the engagement period

Engagement is:

a time when you prove your love, and guarantee that you are a team, and are both going in the same direction.a time when you discover in each other an increasing companionship and a growing respect and admiration for each other.a time when you make plans for the wedding and the household that will be established.a time when you discuss such matters as how the money will be handled, how family worship will be conducted, who will take the garbage out, where you will live, and to which church you will belong. The Bible and wisdom teach that it is best not to live at either parental home. To “leave” father and mother—means to abandon the former relationship, not to dishonor father and mother.a time to learn about the more intimate things of marriage—including sexual activity and the birth of children. Seek the counsel of someone in whom you have confidence and speak about the details. A helpful book on the subject (from a Christian perspective, for persons who will soon marry) is “Sexual Happiness in Marriage” by Herbert J. Miles.
Also Read This: Improving Marriage Relationship
It is very important to remember that just because you are engaged, you are not free to explore each other’s bodies. Sexual relationships are for cementing the marriage relationship into a strong and permanent bond.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Courtship, Engagement, and Wedding
3. The Wedding

When it comes time to plan the wedding, determine to let the occasion be marked by simplicity and modesty. The money spent for a showy wedding is not an investment that will pay dividends; it is money spent that is gone forever. Think of the thousands of people in Africa and India who are dying this week.

The wedding is an important ceremony because marriage is a sacred event. Jesus says that at the time of marriage, the couple leaves father and mother and they cleave to each other. They are no more two, but one flesh (Matthew 19:6). Just as Satan tries to take Christ out  of Christmas and the resurrection out of Easter, so he seeks to take the deeper spiritual essence out of the wedding ceremony and put trivia there instead.

a) The wedding event is often too elaborate and expensive.

The average formal wedding today, among many circles in the Western world, involves decorations and gowns and suits and invitations and postage and pictures and a reception—so that the cost often falls between $5,000 and $10,000 and even more. Yet we are aware that a wedding ceremony can be beautiful and impressive and sacred without blindly following the routine cultural patterns.

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Courtship, Engagement, and Wedding

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There are ways to keep the cost of a wedding in a more moderate range. Here are some suggestions.

1) Buy (or make) a nice mid-calf length dress for the bride, and wear it occasionally after the wedding day.
2) Have only a limited number of attendants for the wedding ceremony, and request that the attendants wear clothing which they can wear after the wedding day.
3) Write your own personal notes of invitation instead of sending expensive engraved invitations.
4) Consider limiting the reception to a light snack instead of a full meal. Weddings would be a lot more Christian if they were a lot less elaborate!

There is beauty in simplicity. A wedding is not intended to be a fashion show. It is to be one of the most sacred of all Christian services. The serious purpose of binding two hearts and lives together for a lifetime of home-building must not be lost in the midst of the formality and display of an elaborate wedding procedure. It does not cost much to walk to the front of a church auditorium, and seriously repeat the marriage vows, and then kneel together and pray.

b) The wedding event is often built around the bride.

The typical wedding in many cultures is saturated with materialism. It centers on the bride, and thus violates the Bible principle of mutual love and dignity that should surround both parties in a marriage.

In some circles, the wedding format is something like this:

The people begin to arrive in the church building; there is quiet pre-ceremonial music; the ushers seat the women; the men tag along behind like frightened little puppy dogs. After a few musical selections, the clergy, the groom, and the best man appear from somewhere at the front of the church auditorium. Then, down the aisle come some sweet little girls carrying flowers, followed by some sweet big girls clad in beautiful dresses (often very immodestly designed); and finally—the big, important, momentous occasion arrives! As the rear door opens—and in answer to the call of music—finally, here comes the bride!

All eyes are glued on the bride; the people smile and everybody stands; all eyes watch the bride’s movements very carefully. After someone “gives away” the bride, the people sit down—and from that point the ceremony is in charge of the officiating minister.
Also Read This: The Truth About Living Together Before Marriage
It would be much more in keeping with mutual love if the bride and the groom would walk into the auditorium together—or even for the bride to come via one door with her parents, and the groom come via another door with his parents—and the two meet together at the altar, facing the minister in charge. In the Christian wedding, the worship, honor and glory should be directed toward Jesus Christ, not toward the bride.

After the ceremony the newly married couple should be allowed to greet guests, and then leave the scene of the wedding in peace—with the echo of their vows ringing in their ears, the good wishes of their friends lingering in their hearts, and the blessing of God upon their marriage.

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When two people stand side by side and promise to love and cherish each other until death separates them—it’s not hard to believe that the angels in Heaven hush their songs for a while, and stand in awe as they listen to the solemn vows. May God help each young person to find joy in living, whether your lot in life involves marriage, or whether in the providence of God you happen to remain single. To those who have never married, and you are somewhat older, the right person might still appear on the scene—but if not, don’t become discouraged. It’s better to want what you don’t have than to have what you don’t want!

By Harold S. Martin
Used by permission of Bible Helps, P O Box 391, Hanover PA 17331.USA
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WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Trust In Marriage

Trust In Marriage

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on February 20, 2020

             “Til death do you part”
Do you believe in the permanence of your marriage? What keeps a marriage strong enough to last that long? One thing that will keep you believing that your marriage will last forever is trust.
Prophet Amos declares the fact about relationships and said, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed? Amos 3:3”
‘Agreed’ here simply means continuously trusting each other in all things.

Are you sure that you can believe in your spouse completely? That high level of trust is essential. It helps you keep your positive mindset about your relationship. It’s crucial, but it isn’t always easy.

What is trust?

The definition of trust is a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

As it relates to a marriage relationship, it means that you have an unwavering belief that your partner is reliable and truthful, helping you create a healthy marriage. Trust should be a result of your commitment, and because you are committed, you can have trust.

The old testament word for trust is “batach.” it means careless. Not careless like irresponsible, but unguarded, without worry.
A marriage full of batach is one where two people can be totally themselves and still be confident that their marriage is secure.

How does trust improve your marriage?

Trust is one of the best things about being married. When you know that someone believes in you and that you are loved and accepted exactly the way you are it can be life – changing. When your spouse gives themselves over to you completely, they don’t feel like they run the risk of being ridiculed. They sincerely believe that you will follow through on your commitment, and will not turn against you and cheat on you.
Banking on each other gives couples the chance to share thoughts, feelings, and concerns openly. The belief that your partner will support you no matter what creates a strong bond.

Actions you can take:

So what can you do today to begin improving the trust level in your marriage so you can make it last forever?

First, check in with your spouse on a regular basis. Ask them if anything you say or do causes them to feel like they are not accepted. Ask if any of your actions make them suspicious of you in any way? Are there areas in your life that you can improve that will help them to trust you even more?

Create boundaries that will demonstrate your trustworthiness to the other. These boundaries are especially important if there has been a breach of trust or infidelity in the past. Agree about what constitutes cheating. You may be surprised by the other person’s definition.
God bless your marriage!

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 5 Things in Your Relationship

5 Things in Your Relationship

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on February 2, 2020

I have learned so much being in the marital relationship and I’d like to share a few things to be on the lookout for in your relationship.

1. Less comparing, more considering.

It’s an awesome idea to aspire to have a successful relationship like those around you, however it is critical that you do not fix your mind to think that your relationship has to be EXACTLY like your peers to be great. What works for one couple may or may not work for your relationship. So instead of trying to mold your relationship into an exact replica of someone else’s, consider the one you’re with. Think about your significant other’s personality, needs, and desires and figure out what works best for YOU.

2. There’s only ONE you.
There are no two people on this entire earth that are exactly the same. With that in mind, understand that no matter how similar you and your significant other may be you are STILL two different people. You will NOT always agree on things or have the same understanding on things simply because you are DIFFERENT.

3. Expect to LEARN.
Each experience you share with your fiance/spouse is NEW. Even if some things seem familiar it is still new because there’s no one else like your significant other. Their thoughts, actions, and reactions are theirs alone so you are bound to learn something new.

4. Remember.
Reminisce on what got you to the decision of committing yourself to your significant other. Think back and talk about how you all began as well as your desires for a relationship before you were in one. Remembering will keep you in mind of where you want to go.

5. God: Head, front, and center.
Pray, fast, read and discuss scripture together as well as individually. Disagreements, and uncomfortable moments will be WORLDS easier when you keep Jesus (and His word) before you, as well as making those good things even sweeter.-Please SHARE!

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Tips To Keep the Marriage Alive !

Tips To Keep the Marriage Alive !

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on February 1, 2020

3 “Quickies” to Keep the Love Alive After Years of Marriage

The longer you’re in a relationship, the easier it can be to just go through the motions. A “going through the motions” marriage is not something I want to be in, but I know if I’m not careful, I can very well look up and find that’s the reality of my marriage.

A “going through the motions” marriage can take years to “arrive,” but it’s possible to turn back the clock and rekindle those old feelings of excitement and love. The tips are “quickies,” but they are not quick-fixes. Meaning, they are easy and quick to do, but they must be done consistently over time.

The habits you formed in your marriage over time are what got you to where your marriage is today. The habits I’m about to share with you, when done over time, will bring the love back, will spark the fire, and will have you feeling the good feelings you had when you got engaged.
Here are three ”quickies” to help you stay in love after years of marriage:

1. Play the dating game
I don’t care how many times you see or hear about the importance of dating in marriage, it should never get old. Dating is what led to you getting married, and dating is what will keep you happily married. Never stop dating for as long as you are married. I have a relationship goal to date my wife weekly for the rest of my life. I miss some weeks, but I never get comfortable missing dates with her.

2. Learn to speak one another’s (love) language
If you’ve never read Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages book, then the minute you finish reading this article, visit Amazon or your favorite book store and buy it. If money is an issue, find it at your local library. Your spouse feels most loved when you communicate with him/her in a certain way. Creating the habit of speaking his/her love language will help you stay in love.

3. Forgive even if you can’t forget immediately.
All of us mess up. Some mess up big and a lot, while others mess up small or very little. This includes you and your spouse. Holding onto his/her past mistakes will prevent you from loving them the way you can today and in the future. You may not be able to forget every mistake they’ve made, but you can forgive and still love them.

Those are just a few “quickies” you can do to stay in love. It’ll help you whether you’ve been married a day or longer than a decade. There are many more, and I’m sure you can suggest some yourself …God bless you!
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WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 27 WAYS TO BUILD A HAPPY AND LONG LASTING MARRIAGE

27 WAYS TO BUILD A HAPPY AND LONG LASTING MARRIAGE

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on January 2, 2020

Everyone entering into the arena of marriage relationship has for one time or the other dreams or wish for a happy and lasting marriage, but the truth is that no one can have a good marriage without been conscious of it.
Here are some recipes picked for you as you journey through the life relationship of marriage.

1. Love the person you married, not the person you hoped to married. Accept your spouse totally. You cannot love a man/woman you do not accept. Stop comparing your spouse with anyone, he or she can never be somebody else. Until you accept your spouse, you can’t get the best out of your marriage.

2. Understand each other. No marriage succeeds without understanding. Learn to know one another as best as you can. Understand you are not the same and may never be. Respect that you are both individuals. Get to know each other strengths and weaknesses. Strengthen each other’s weaknesses.

3. Be quick to forgive and quicker to apologize. Love forgives. Learn to accept apology. Freely forgive your spouse’s past, present and future offenses. Never refer to his/her past mistakes. Never go to bed with anger or unsettled quarrel. Marriage is two forgiver living together.

4. Ask your spouse, “What can I do for you today?” every single day is precious and important in your life.

5. Never talk bad about your spouse to other people. Protect him or her and always keep his or her name safe. Fight for each other, not with each other.WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 27 WAYS TO BUILD A HAPPY AND LONG LASTING MARRIAGE

6. Have lots of sex. Enjoy Sex with your spouse. Never withhold sex as a punishment.
Try putting on the light sometimes for you to appreciate his/her soft and wonderful body, enjoy sex in deferent style.

7. Keep the word “divorce” out of your vocabulary. Remember your vows. Review them on a regular basis.

8. Provide for the needs of your spouse and children. Never be stingy to your spouse. Care for his/her needs. Be generous to him/her. Pay your children’s school fees promptly and regularly. Marriage is not 50/50. It’s 100/100. Give yourself entirely, and don’t hold back. Men, Be sensitive to your wife’s needs. Spend money to beautify her.

9. Be faithful to your spouse. Being unfaithful is the easiest way to completely ruin your marriage. Adultery kills, Pornography destroys.

10. Understand and learn each other’s love language. Either it can be words, gifts, touch, actions, etc. If it is words, then frequently tell your spouse you love and appreciate him/ her. If it is action: regularly do things that they appreciate: either take the garbage out, wash the dishes, cook the food, wash the car, etc.

11. Spoil each other. Keep track of the things your spouse loves and buy them for him or her.

12. Communication is the key to a relationship. Talk like friends and lovers. Don’t make your spouse guess what you are thinking or feeling. Don’t expect him/her to read your mind. You should feel free to discuss all things without fear.

Always listen attentively to your spouse. Switch off your phone or television, shut down your computer or iPad and newspapers, books and magazine should be closed. The greatest communication skill you can develop is the listening skill. Be quiet and patient while he/she is speaking, when he/she is done, you can express your opinion. Look straight into his/her eyes when he is talking to you or when you’re talking to him. This will make him/her feel that you are interested in what he/she wants to say.

13. Love, respect and courtesy are basic ingredients of happy married life. Give them generously to your spouse. Show your spouse how much you love, care and appreciate him/her regularly. Say, “I love you,” every single day.

14. Be honest and show sincere appreciation. Appreciate each other. Show your spouse appreciation for the little things. Be thankful and say so!!! Find something that you appreciate about your spouse and say thank you.

15. Surprise each other with lovely gifts, kiss and sex. Kiss passionately. Hold hands. Cuddle. Make physical affection a priority in your marriage.

16. Make quality time for each other. Keep dating each other. Put your marriage and spouse before your children. Play together. Never lose your sense of humor. Make your spouse your best friend.

17. Share everything…no secrets between you. Be open with your spouse.

18. Be polite and courteous to each other. Saying thank you, please and I am sorry.

19. Get rid of bad habits. Don’t do those things your spouse hates. Don’t do things that hurt him/her. Develop a godly character. Don’t create a hostile environment for your spouse. Focus on making your spouse happy. The best way to improve your relationship is to improve yourself.

20. Always be honest to your partner. Lying never gets you anywhere

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 27 WAYS TO BUILD A HAPPY AND LONG LASTING MARRIAGE 21. Aim to do something at least once per week together. It does not matter what, even if it is to eat together, bath together, watch movies together, read books together and share light conversation

22. Do NOT look at other marriages and covet. No marriage is perfect. Remember, the grass is not greener on the other side. You will still have to maintain, mow and weed that side too!

23. Work at your marriage. If you ever lack motivation for your marriage and feel like the flame has gone dead. Just try to imagine yourself without your spouse. Talk to anyone who has lost their soul mate and they’ll tell you that they will give anything to have back that special someone.

24. Remember, it is your marriage and you have come this far. Make the best of it. Pledge to yourself that you will do your part and try your best. Remember that you chose your spouse for forever.

25. All issues need to have a solution and be resolved at the time of the conversation. Finish what you start otherwise things just hang in the balance, which leads to future problems.

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 27 WAYS TO BUILD A HAPPY AND LONG LASTING MARRIAGE

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26. Don’t make mountains out of mole hills. Don’t waste your time fighting over little things. It’s not worth it. Let small things go.

27. Don’t broadcast your problems to everyone else. If you need to talk to someone about it, other than your spouse, get a therapist.

Above all: Serve God together, Pray together & Pray for one another. Pray for your spouse daily in your personal prayers. Be specific. Talk to God about his or her challenges and trials, and ask Him what you can do to be a better spouse.

God bless your marriage !

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 19 Ways To Fix Your Wife

19 Ways To Fix Your Wife

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on October 29, 2019

19 ways to fix your wife – when she is falling apart!

Your wife can be dying in silence while still performing her wifely duties.

You will need to know her to know when she needs to be fixed.

When a woman is always moody, cries a lot, yells on Children, can easily sleep or sleeps a lot, she may be battling with something you are not careful enough to see.

A real man will not allow his wife to fall apart without fixing her and making her better and happy.
If you discover your wife is falling apart, watch out and fix the following:

1. CHECK IF YOU ARE THE PROBLEM
You might be her problem, but out of her respect and love for you, she may not tell you. Ask, let her talk sincerely

2. BE AWARE OF HER RESPONSIBILITIES
Get to know how her work load is killing her. Regardless of whether she stays at home or goes to work, do you know what she does all day? If you don’t, ask her. Her to-do list is probably overflowing with tasks that far outweighs her time and energy.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 19 Ways To Fix Your Wife
3. BE APPRECIATIVE
Be mindful of her needs and appreciative of her sacrifices. The work a woman does at home can be too common that nobody will appreciate her for them, this can be killing her. Appreciate your wife

4. GET INVOLVED BEFORE SHE BURNS OUT
Don’t just be appreciative, but get involved. The best time to begin helping your wife is now. Don’t wait until she breaks down to offer a helping hand.

5. GET MACHINE
Get all the machine needed for her work at home (the ones you can afford). Dish washer, gas cooker, refrigerator, oven, laundering Machine etc

6. BE AN ACTIVE PARTICIPANT
Be totally involved at home, stop delegating parenting and family life. Don’t be a “visiting Professor”, be an active partner in this business of your life. It takes two to parent. It takes two to make a marriage work. It takes two to run a household. Be fully involved in every aspect of your family life.

7. HOLD HER
Hold her like a lover and a friend. Place your hands on her shoulder, her laps, hold her hands, just hold her and let her feel you.

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 19 Ways To Fix Your Wife

8. JUST LISTEN
Men are known to be good talker but very bad listeners. At times what your wife needs is for you to just listen. Do not interrupt, let her unburden, let her talk. Sometimes the best way for a woman to reset is by getting all of her thoughts out. Let your wife talk through her feelings and problems. Show empathy. Listen carefully. Ask questions. Be fully engaged in the conversation.

9. BE A PARTNER NOT A TEACHER
Most men do fall into the “Teaching trap” when they are supposed to be a partner, showing love and consideration. Do not blame, just be there for her. Just listen. That’s all you need to do. And if she wants you to offer solutions, she’ll ask for them

10. GIVE HER HOPE
No matter what happens, don’t ever raise up your hands in surrender. Giving up, crying or weeping will hurt your wife more. Encourage her. Let her know what you love about her. Help her see the good in any situation. Avoid being critical or negative. When she has hit the rock bottom, be the man who lifts her up, and brings light and hope back into her life.

11. BE SENSITIVE
Get to know her mood, get to know her needs, get to know what is needed to be done at home and do them without prompting
Learn the art of looking around the house and finding things that need to get done. Are there dishes in the sink? What is broken that needs to be fixed? Don’t wait to be asked. Just do it!

12. PRAY FOR HER
Take your time off to pray for her, hand her over to her maker who knows the deepest need of her heart . Let God fix her, you can’t do it
Let God know what you appreciate about her. Ask for his help. Ask him to tell you how you can be a better spouse to her. Ask him to comfort her and help her see herself as He see her.

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 19 Ways To Fix Your Wife

13. PRAY WITH HER
Don’t just pray for your wife, find time to pray with her, hug her as you pray together, hold her hands, just talk to your maker together.

14. ASK HER HOW YOU CAN BE OF HELP
Your wife knows what you can do to help her reset, so just ask her. She will open up to you, it may not be what you think, so don’t speculate, ask, She’ll appreciate it more than you will ever know.

15. HELP AROUND THE HOUSE
Give a helping hand around the house. Give her a kitchen holiday for some days, do all the cooking or hire somebody to do it for you. Let her just sit, eat and rest, this may be all she needs.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 19 Ways To Fix Your Wife
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16. TAKE HER OUT
Take her out, eat out, go to the cinema, go to wherever she will love to go, not where you want, just follow her.

17. ALLOW HER TO CRY,IF SHE MUST
“Stop crying, are you a baby?, will you be crying about this little thing?”
This is what most nude earning husband will do when their wives cry, what an insensitive word. If she feels like crying, hold her to yourself and let her do the crying while you pat her on the back. It’s a great way to fix the problem.

18. LET HER GO ON HOLIDAY
Allow her to go on holiday all alone to herself, this can fix the problem as she returns with greater energy.

19. CELEBRATE HER
Let your wife be celebrated. Celebrate her in secret and in public. Talk about her beauty, motherhood, wifehood, support, thoughtfulness. This will make her day.

Let the men read and apply….

Let the women read and pass to the men……especially

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 7 Don't in Marriage!

7 Don’t in Marriage!

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on September 16, 2019

This article “7 don’t in marriage” is part of my practical experience in marriage of which I know that the young couples and older ones will need to carefully work on them, for rich and smooth relationship with little or no hitches that is capable of jeopardizing this beautiful institute of God.
Although your marriage is unique, but almost the same experience of them all especially if it is built on Christ the solid rock. Hence, this tips could be a manual for great and lasting marriage.

1. Don’t IGNORE your spouse.

Be serious, be careful at every complain from your spouse, be it personal or general. If you ignore often, this may result to act of insensitivity which may be dangerous at times, it may even cost life, while some may be irreversible and then you will continue to live with the scares permanently forever. There is need for you to deal with negligence and lackadaisical approach to issues and situations. Learn to always respond swiftly to every complain, a stitch in time saves nine.

2. Don’t DENIAL your spouse’s right to you.

Your heart, your thinking and your entire life exclusively belongs to your spouse- deny your spouse of this great right is a sign of silent and gradual divorce, the relationship will gradually be loosing his savor- heart broken will eventually set in, and you know the result is the opposite of the plan of God for marriage.

3. Don’t DISRESPECT your spouse-openly.

Honor begot honor and respect is a reciprocal, avoid relegating your spouse in any form it could amount to disgrace and the fabric of love will be tearing and wearing gradually.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 7 Don't in Marriage!
4. Don’t SUBDUE your spouse.

The fact remains that you are one flesh, but of two different destiny and one is bound to be greater in life than the other and your glory either are not equal from God and so He did not made a mistake for allowing you together. Accept the grace of God on individual, have the heart that, the success of your spouse is your glory and always appreciate God for this gift. The best you can do in life for your spouse is to help fulfill his/ her God’s giving vision.

5. Don’t DISCONNECT your spouse for any reason.

Should in case of doubt at any point in time in your marriage, always learn to hear your spouse out. Keep the knot strong and stronger, marriage is the only beautiful relationship you can ever have. Therefore, If you handle it properly it can prolong life with absolute tranquility.
Also Read This: Improving The Marriage Relationship
6. Don’t often PREEMPT your spouse.

Yes, you have known and trust your spouse very well, but sometimes you may need explanation for a particular action. But if you are so quick to presume in a matter, you may end up in becoming too haste and judgmental in your approach to an issue you ought to patiently ask for reason for better understanding. You can avoid hurting your spouse carelessly with gentile and loving approach at all time.

7. Don’t COMPETE with your spouse.

You are to compliment each other and not to compete, avoid generating unnecessary rancor. You are not likely to have the same needs met at the same time, yours may come later. Everything in your marriage is also yours including that of your spouse, therefore learn to always be comfortable with godly maturity to enjoy your marriage together. God bless your marriage/relationship. By Dr. G O Oyedepo
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WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Adjusting To Married Life

Adjusting To Married Life

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on August 1, 2019

Adjusting to married life could be an overwhelming time for a lot of newly married couples.
But you and your spouse can use this period to build a strong foundation for your marriage. A strong foundation will help you adjust to married life, and transition into life as a married couple.

Below are the 14 tips for adjusting to married life.

1. Money

What’s mine is yours, and what’s yours is mine after we tie the knot right?

Well, that’s how it should be anyways, especially with money!

Have the same checking and savings accounts, learn to agree on finances, start and work on a simple family budget.

Big adjustment there.

For us, ongoing frequent communication was key.

You each have a say in your money. It’s both of your money even if there’s only one income. This is a significant point about adjusting to finances in that first year of marriage.

2. Communication

He speaks male, and she speaks female. We know this, we hear about it all the time, right?

Being married and experiencing this is entirely different.

So many of our arguments that first year of marriage was due to us misunderstanding each other.
Even if you use the same word, the definition of that word may be different to your spouse.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Adjusting To Married Life
3. Selfishness to selflessness

I never realized how selfish I was until I got married.

You have to go from thinking about yourself, what you want to eat for dinner and how you want to live your life, to what do we want for dinner and how do we want to live our life. – Ashley

Putting each others needs before ourselves while keeping the balance so you are not a rug to be stepped on, or taken advantage of. This is a big part of not only surviving the first year of marriage but also having a happy and healthy marriage.

If you both put each other first, it will be a win- win. Learn how to become selfless.

4. Unity

Always remember, your spouse has your best interest. If not, why did they marry you?

In addition, if changing your name after marriage is but of your plans, do it right away.

5. Learning how to “fight fair”

I don’t even like that word because we never fight, we argue or disagree respectfully as mature adults should.

Fighting makes me think of screaming and yelling, name calling, hits below the belt, and things being thrown, or physical harm.

In our first year of marriage, we had a lot of adjusting to do in learning how to disagree in a healthy way because we both came from different families who had different ways of doing things.

6. Honesty
Be honest about your marriage expectations, discuss, and compromise with each other.

7. Boundaries with in-laws, family, and friends

Setting those boundaries of what’s acceptable to share about your relationship with your friends, in-laws, and family members, when they can visit, and how much time you spend with them is crucial.

No one loves your spouse like you do!

If they do something little and it pisses you off, don’t vent to your family member(s) who won’t be able to forget and forgive as easily as you.

Most problems that come up in marriage arguments are usually a misunderstanding or communication issue anyways (excluding any form of abuse or infidelity).

By setting these boundaries in the first year of marriage helps in building a strong foundation for your marriage.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Adjusting To Married Life
8. Romance

You have to communicate to each other what you need to feel romanced and loved, they can’t read your mind.

Compliment each other.

Keep the romance alive.

Don’t forget to really talk about things you enjoy, do things together and enjoy each other’s company.

Marriage is work, but it is also fun.
Marriage is spending your days and growing together with your best friend, lover, and partner in life; so enjoy them!

9. Personalities

You are two unique individuals with two unique backgrounds, therefore adjusting to marriage will require some effort from both of you.

You will have to learn to compromise with each other to ensure the success of your marriage.

10. Meals

Making dinner, lunch or breakfast was an adjustment for us; we are from two different countries.
Since you and your spouse are from two different families you will have some adjusting to do.

We had to find things we liked from each other’s meals, tried to mesh them together, and experimented with new recipes until we came up with meals we both enjoyed.

We love different foods from all over the world and try to make our own versions at home.
Healthy food was an adjustment, we are always striving to eat healthier, one of us knew more about the quality of canned vs frozen vs fresh vs organic.

You are what you eat so this should be a topic of discussion in your first year before the arguments over meals begin.

11. Life challenges and the unexpected events

We had a lot thrown at us in our first year of marriage. It really put our commitment to the test.
We learned to stick together and cling to each other when the storms came. We always planned ahead, especially with our finances.

Being there to lean on, and leaning on your spouse when you need to, that’s one of the best things about marriage.

You have a best friend whom you can rely on.

They are strong where you are weak, and you’re strong where they are weak. Be available for your spouse.

12. Time

Spend time together sharing your experiences about adjusting to each other as a married couple.

Remember quality over quantity. Your marriage needs to be nurtured so it can grow.

Time with your spouse should be a priority too.

13. Patience

Marriage adjustments take time, so be patient with each other.

14. Words

After you said “I do,” you are now a wife, a husband, or partner.

Let it sink in even when it feels or sounds weird.

Also, choose some forbidden words for your marriage.

The adjustments you go through is because:

You are a newly married couple.

You are two unique individuals with different personalities. You have your own way of doing things.

You have different family upbringing, beliefs, and traditions. Adjusting to marriage is a learning experience.

As a newlywed, you can use this learning opportunity to understand and learn more about your spouse.

Certain things that didn’t bother you in the beginning will start to wear on you.

Adjusting to marriage is something you should look forward to during the first year of your marriage.

Furthermore, you must be ready for change because marriage is completely different from dating or courtship.

Yes, change, the word some people do not like to hear.

And even worse, some people don’t think they have to go through it. But to excel at anything in life and marriage, you must be open to change!

Within the first year of adjusting to married life, you could easily become overwhelmed and confused about everything going on between you and your spouse.

It feels as if the marriage expectations you had prior to your marriage is completely opposite to what you are experiencing.
These expectations of marriage you have can make adjusting to married life very difficult for you.

Sometimes you might even wonder or doubt if you married the right person.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Adjusting To Married Life
Be calm

This is normal.

And the stress can be lessened by learning how to communicate with your spouse. Trying to understand them and adjusting to your marriage.
It happened to us too. But we stuck together and compromised with each other on our marriage expectations.

We had to both respect each other’s boundaries. We worked together to build a strong foundation for the wonderful marriage we enjoy today.

As humans, we all have our own way of doing things.

Before getting married, you are used to having your own space, your own car, your own money, making decisions on your own, etc.

He folds his clothes one way, she does a different way.

He organizes one way, she does another, or maybe one of you doesn’t organize at all!

Once you get married, you add another person (your spouse) to the mix.

And marriage adjustments must be made to create a happy, lasting, and healthy marriage.

Finding a way to mesh your differences together and compromising is where the learning curve begins.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Adjusting To Married Life
You both become ONE.

Your bedroom becomes our bedroom, Your closet, our closet, Your bathroom, our bathroom, Your money, our money, Your decisions, our decisions.

Use these marriage adjustments to start growing together, and building a strong foundation in the first year of your marriage.

In the first year of our marriage, adjusting to married life was not easy.

We had to make some marriage adjustments, settling into the marriage rhythm, and learn as we confronted our challenges in marriage.

Being on the same page, having our family theme, marriage goals, and understanding why we got married kept us going.

In addition, we read marriage books for couples. It’s one of the things we highly recommend for newlyweds.

Learn how to handle the adjustments you go through.

If marriage adjustments in that first year of marriage are not handled well, it is counter productive in setting up a stable marriage foundation.

After interviewing over 30 married couples, we have observed they all experienced some form of marriage adjustments during their first year of marriage.

Therefore, you and your spouse will have to learn how to synergize your differences to enjoy married life together.

With divorce rates so high, you want to do everything you can to ensure a successful, healthy, and happy marriage.

Credit: Marcus and Ashley

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE True Man in Marriage

True Man in Marriage

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on June 15, 2019

I saw this and couldn’t resist in publishing it here. A Recommended Therapy for All married men, And for those singles who are too self-centered to think beyond themselves and their physical endowments.

He was having his evening beverage

That’s when she joined him.

“Hi there handsome, you’re looking good. So fine I can eat you up” she said sitting down.

“I thought we agreed to keep away from each other? I am a married man” he told her.

” Come on. I won’t bite. You can’t resist me, no man can” she said.

“I am a married man” he told her.

“Fight all you want, but soon I will have you. I am way better than your wife” she told him.

“You are nothing compared to my wife” he told her off.

“Really? All this body. All these curves. All these sweetness. I bet your wife is not as good in bed as I am” she told him unbuttoning the top button of her blouse to reveal her cleavage, then lifting up her skirt, just a bit.

“If I was a lustful and unfaithful man, all that would move me. But I am too grown to be enticed by what you’re showing off. I am a grown man, you think all that consumes my mind is sex? And for your information, my wife is actually great in bed” he told her.

“How will you know unless you do me. Try me tonight. Let’s drive in your black car to a romantic hotel, I promise you a night you will never forget” she told him.

“You know what you are? You are lazy? A lazy woman” he told her, then took a sip of his beverage.

“How dare you call me lazy?! I am a high flying educated woman. Any man would give anything to have me” she said.

“Fair enough. But would you give anything to make a man?” He asked.

“What do you mean?” She questioned.

“You look at me and find me attractive. Yet you disrespect the woman behind who I am, you want me to cheat on my wife, the woman behind my attractiveness” said he.

He drank a sip and continued, “My wife is responsible for the man in me that you want today. When I had little, my wife believed in me. These suits you see me wearing, are my wife’s idea. I ask for her advice on what to wear.

My success has come to pass because she prays for me and puts up with my demanding work hours. She corrects me and moulds me and that has moulded my character.

The Range Rover you see me outside driving that you fancy, I bought that with my wife. She and I invested to buy our house. I look attractive and pleasant, because she treats me well and gives me peace.

And now you want to have the man that she made out of me and dishonour her? You want to have the man that she has built for years? You are lazy?”

Silence.

“I see you turning down the single men who want you and yet you want me, a man that another woman has made? No, it doesn’t work like that.

Find your own single man, believe in him, pray for him, support him, nurture him and mould him to be the attractive man you want him to be.

You women have a nurturing and helping gift. Activate your gift.

My wife has been busy building me and I will not leave her for a woman who has nothing to offer, but her sexiness.

So if you may excuse me, I need to drive home and take my wife on a date. She deserves the best” he said as he stood up and drank a last sip.

He reached in his wallet and placed K200 on the table.

“Have yourself a drink as you think about your life and how you’ll stop being lazy and find a single man you can build. My generous wife and I have paid for the drink” he said.

He walked away as she looked on; her lower jaw dropping in shock, “I thought that this world was void of principled men, I just met one,” the diva seasoned as she sobered up, nodding her head.

“This guy just schooled me. In 20 minutes this smart guy has taught me the most valuable lesson which I’ve never found in any one of the three prestigious Universities I’ve attended. How to find, invest in and make my own husband,
I need to find my own husband” she thought to herself as the gentleman speed off in his waiting Range Rover.