This article “7 don’t in marriage” is part of my practical experience in marriage of which I know that the young couples and older ones will need to carefully work on them, for rich and smooth relationship with little or no hitches that is capable of jeopardizing this beautiful institute of God.
Although your marriage is unique, but almost the same experience of them all especially if it is built on Christ the solid rock. Hence, this tips could be a manual for great and lasting marriage.
1. Don’t IGNORE your spouse.
Be serious, be careful at every complain from your spouse, be it personal or general. If you ignore often, this may result to act of insensitivity which may be dangerous at times, it may even cost life, while some may be irreversible and then you will continue to live with the scares permanently forever. There is need for you to deal with negligence and lackadaisical approach to issues and situations. Learn to always respond swiftly to every complain, a stitch in time saves nine.
2. Don’t DENIAL your spouse’s right to you.
Your heart, your thinking and your entire life exclusively belongs to your spouse- deny your spouse of this great right is a sign of silent and gradual divorce, the relationship will gradually be loosing his savor- heart broken will eventually set in, and you know the result is the opposite of the plan of God for marriage.
3. Don’t DISRESPECT your spouse-openly.
Honor begot honor and respect is a reciprocal, avoid relegating your spouse in any form it could amount to disgrace and the fabric of love will be tearing and wearing gradually.
4. Don’t SUBDUE your spouse.
The fact remains that you are one flesh, but of two different destiny and one is bound to be greater in life than the other and your glory either are not equal from God and so He did not made a mistake for allowing you together. Accept the grace of God on individual, have the heart that, the success of your spouse is your glory and always appreciate God for this gift. The best you can do in life for your spouse is to help fulfill his/ her God’s giving vision.
5. Don’t DISCONNECT your spouse for any reason.
Should in case of doubt at any point in time in your marriage, always learn to hear your spouse out. Keep the knot strong and stronger, marriage is the only beautiful relationship you can ever have. Therefore, If you handle it properly it can prolong life with absolute tranquility. Also Read This: Improving The Marriage Relationship 6. Don’t often PREEMPT your spouse.
Yes, you have known and trust your spouse very well, but sometimes you may need explanation for a particular action. But if you are so quick to presume in a matter, you may end up in becoming too haste and judgmental in your approach to an issue you ought to patiently ask for reason for better understanding. You can avoid hurting your spouse carelessly with gentile and loving approach at all time.
7. Don’t COMPETE with your spouse.
You are to compliment each other and not to compete, avoid generating unnecessary rancor. You are not likely to have the same needs met at the same time, yours may come later. Everything in your marriage is also yours including that of your spouse, therefore learn to always be comfortable with godly maturity to enjoy your marriage together. God bless your marriage/relationship. By Dr. G O Oyedepo Click This Link To Share Your Love Offering With Us
Adjusting to married life could be an overwhelming time for a lot of newly married couples. But you and your spouse can use this period to build a strong foundation for your marriage. A strong foundation will help you adjust to married life, and transition into life as a married couple.
Below are the 14 tips for adjusting to married life.
What’s mine is yours, and what’s yours is mine after we tie the knot right?
Well, that’s how it should be anyways, especially with money!
Have the same checking and savings accounts, learn to agree on finances, start and work on a simple family budget.
Big adjustment there.
For us, ongoing frequent communication was key.
You each have a say in your money. It’s both of your money even if there’s only one income. This is a significant point about adjusting to finances in that first year of marriage.
He speaks male, and she speaks female. We know this, we hear about it all the time, right?
Being married and experiencing this is entirely different.
So many of our arguments that first year of marriage was due to us misunderstanding each other.
Even if you use the same word, the definition of that word may be different to your spouse.
3. Selfishness to selflessness
I never realized how selfish I was until I got married.
You have to go from thinking about yourself, what you want to eat for dinner and how you want to live your life, to what do we want for dinner and how do we want to live our life. – Ashley
Putting each others needs before ourselves while keeping the balance so you are not a rug to be stepped on, or taken advantage of. This is a big part of not only surviving the first year of marriage but also having a happy and healthy marriage.
If you both put each other first, it will be a win- win. Learn how to become selfless.
Always remember, your spouse has your best interest. If not, why did they marry you?
In addition, if changing your name after marriage is but of your plans, do it right away.
5. Learning how to “fight fair”
I don’t even like that word because we never fight, we argue or disagree respectfully as mature adults should.
Fighting makes me think of screaming and yelling, name calling, hits below the belt, and things being thrown, or physical harm.
In our first year of marriage, we had a lot of adjusting to do in learning how to disagree in a healthy way because we both came from different families who had different ways of doing things.
Be honest about your marriage expectations, discuss, and compromise with each other.
7. Boundaries with in-laws, family, and friends
Setting those boundaries of what’s acceptable to share about your relationship with your friends, in-laws, and family members, when they can visit, and how much time you spend with them is crucial.
No one loves your spouse like you do!
If they do something little and it pisses you off, don’t vent to your family member(s) who won’t be able to forget and forgive as easily as you.
Most problems that come up in marriage arguments are usually a misunderstanding or communication issue anyways (excluding any form of abuse or infidelity).
By setting these boundaries in the first year of marriage helps in building a strong foundation for your marriage.
You have to communicate to each other what you need to feel romanced and loved, they can’t read your mind.
Compliment each other.
Keep the romance alive.
Don’t forget to really talk about things you enjoy, do things together and enjoy each other’s company.
Marriage is work, but it is also fun.
Marriage is spending your days and growing together with your best friend, lover, and partner in life; so enjoy them!
You are two unique individuals with two unique backgrounds, therefore adjusting to marriage will require some effort from both of you.
You will have to learn to compromise with each other to ensure the success of your marriage.
Making dinner, lunch or breakfast was an adjustment for us; we are from two different countries.
Since you and your spouse are from two different families you will have some adjusting to do.
We had to find things we liked from each other’s meals, tried to mesh them together, and experimented with new recipes until we came up with meals we both enjoyed.
We love different foods from all over the world and try to make our own versions at home.
Healthy food was an adjustment, we are always striving to eat healthier, one of us knew more about the quality of canned vs frozen vs fresh vs organic.
You are what you eat so this should be a topic of discussion in your first year before the arguments over meals begin.
11. Life challenges and the unexpected events
We had a lot thrown at us in our first year of marriage. It really put our commitment to the test.
We learned to stick together and cling to each other when the storms came. We always planned ahead, especially with our finances.
Being there to lean on, and leaning on your spouse when you need to, that’s one of the best things about marriage.
You have a best friend whom you can rely on.
They are strong where you are weak, and you’re strong where they are weak. Be available for your spouse.
Spend time together sharing your experiences about adjusting to each other as a married couple.
Remember quality over quantity. Your marriage needs to be nurtured so it can grow.
Time with your spouse should be a priority too.
Marriage adjustments take time, so be patient with each other.
After you said “I do,” you are now a wife, a husband, or partner.
Let it sink in even when it feels or sounds weird.
Also, choose some forbidden words for your marriage.
The adjustments you go through is because:
You are a newly married couple.
You are two unique individuals with different personalities. You have your own way of doing things.
You have different family upbringing, beliefs, and traditions. Adjusting to marriage is a learning experience.
As a newlywed, you can use this learning opportunity to understand and learn more about your spouse.
Certain things that didn’t bother you in the beginning will start to wear on you.
Adjusting to marriage is something you should look forward to during the first year of your marriage.
Furthermore, you must be ready for change because marriage is completely different from dating or courtship.
Yes, change, the word some people do not like to hear.
And even worse, some people don’t think they have to go through it. But to excel at anything in life and marriage, you must be open to change!
Within the first year of adjusting to married life, you could easily become overwhelmed and confused about everything going on between you and your spouse.
It feels as if the marriage expectations you had prior to your marriage is completely opposite to what you are experiencing.
These expectations of marriage you have can make adjusting to married life very difficult for you.
Sometimes you might even wonder or doubt if you married the right person.
This is normal.
And the stress can be lessened by learning how to communicate with your spouse. Trying to understand them and adjusting to your marriage.
It happened to us too. But we stuck together and compromised with each other on our marriage expectations.
We had to both respect each other’s boundaries. We worked together to build a strong foundation for the wonderful marriage we enjoy today.
As humans, we all have our own way of doing things.
Before getting married, you are used to having your own space, your own car, your own money, making decisions on your own, etc.
He folds his clothes one way, she does a different way.
He organizes one way, she does another, or maybe one of you doesn’t organize at all!
Once you get married, you add another person (your spouse) to the mix.
And marriage adjustments must be made to create a happy, lasting, and healthy marriage.
Finding a way to mesh your differences together and compromising is where the learning curve begins.
You both become ONE.
Your bedroom becomes our bedroom, Your closet, our closet, Your bathroom, our bathroom, Your money, our money, Your decisions, our decisions.
Use these marriage adjustments to start growing together, and building a strong foundation in the first year of your marriage.
In the first year of our marriage, adjusting to married life was not easy.
We had to make some marriage adjustments, settling into the marriage rhythm, and learn as we confronted our challenges in marriage.
Being on the same page, having our family theme, marriage goals, and understanding why we got married kept us going.
In addition, we read marriage books for couples. It’s one of the things we highly recommend for newlyweds.
Learn how to handle the adjustments you go through.
If marriage adjustments in that first year of marriage are not handled well, it is counter productive in setting up a stable marriage foundation.
After interviewing over 30 married couples, we have observed they all experienced some form of marriage adjustments during their first year of marriage.
Therefore, you and your spouse will have to learn how to synergize your differences to enjoy married life together.
With divorce rates so high, you want to do everything you can to ensure a successful, healthy, and happy marriage.
I saw this and couldn’t resist in publishing it here. A Recommended Therapy for All married men, And for those singles who are too self-centered to think beyond themselves and their physical endowments.
He was having his evening beverage
That’s when she joined him.
“Hi there handsome, you’re looking good. So fine I can eat you up” she said sitting down.
“I thought we agreed to keep away from each other? I am a married man” he told her.
” Come on. I won’t bite. You can’t resist me, no man can” she said.
“I am a married man” he told her.
“Fight all you want, but soon I will have you. I am way better than your wife” she told him.
“You are nothing compared to my wife” he told her off.
“Really? All this body. All these curves. All these sweetness. I bet your wife is not as good in bed as I am” she told him unbuttoning the top button of her blouse to reveal her cleavage, then lifting up her skirt, just a bit.
“If I was a lustful and unfaithful man, all that would move me. But I am too grown to be enticed by what you’re showing off. I am a grown man, you think all that consumes my mind is sex? And for your information, my wife is actually great in bed” he told her.
“How will you know unless you do me. Try me tonight. Let’s drive in your black car to a romantic hotel, I promise you a night you will never forget” she told him.
“You know what you are? You are lazy? A lazy woman” he told her, then took a sip of his beverage.
“How dare you call me lazy?! I am a high flying educated woman. Any man would give anything to have me” she said.
“Fair enough. But would you give anything to make a man?” He asked.
“What do you mean?” She questioned.
“You look at me and find me attractive. Yet you disrespect the woman behind who I am, you want me to cheat on my wife, the woman behind my attractiveness” said he.
He drank a sip and continued, “My wife is responsible for the man in me that you want today. When I had little, my wife believed in me. These suits you see me wearing, are my wife’s idea. I ask for her advice on what to wear.
My success has come to pass because she prays for me and puts up with my demanding work hours. She corrects me and moulds me and that has moulded my character.
The Range Rover you see me outside driving that you fancy, I bought that with my wife. She and I invested to buy our house. I look attractive and pleasant, because she treats me well and gives me peace.
And now you want to have the man that she made out of me and dishonour her? You want to have the man that she has built for years? You are lazy?”
“I see you turning down the single men who want you and yet you want me, a man that another woman has made? No, it doesn’t work like that.
Find your own single man, believe in him, pray for him, support him, nurture him and mould him to be the attractive man you want him to be.
You women have a nurturing and helping gift. Activate your gift.
My wife has been busy building me and I will not leave her for a woman who has nothing to offer, but her sexiness.
So if you may excuse me, I need to drive home and take my wife on a date. She deserves the best” he said as he stood up and drank a last sip.
He reached in his wallet and placed K200 on the table.
“Have yourself a drink as you think about your life and how you’ll stop being lazy and find a single man you can build. My generous wife and I have paid for the drink” he said.
He walked away as she looked on; her lower jaw dropping in shock, “I thought that this world was void of principled men, I just met one,” the diva seasoned as she sobered up, nodding her head.
“This guy just schooled me. In 20 minutes this smart guy has taught me the most valuable lesson which I’ve never found in any one of the three prestigious Universities I’ve attended. How to find, invest in and make my own husband,
I need to find my own husband” she thought to herself as the gentleman sped off in his waiting Range Rover.
If anybody asks you this question, you may go angry or livid because it sounds so insulting. Why? You are never the type of person that would have an affair outside your relationship/marriage. Well, that is because you do not know what an emotional affair is.
Emotional affair does not involve sex. It happens to people who are in courtship or engaged or married but very fond of somebody else who is not their spouse but if care is not taken and brake applied, it can lead to full blown sexual affair.
Emotional affair does not only happen to people in bad, unhappy marriages. It can happen to happy couples, morally sound people and deeply spiritual individuals who love God with all their hearts and hate sin. It can even happen to great men and women of God. How then do they fall into emotional affair?
Emotional affair is not easy to detect at the beginning. It all starts as plain, platonic friendship with the opposite sex whom you exchange
ideas with and find admirable -that’s all. The friend can be a colleague at work, a fellow worker at church, a course mate, the secretary to the boss at the office or the next door neighbour. They
are someone you find attractive and enjoy talking to. If you treat them like you treat any normal friends with no strings attatched, there is no
problem but if you are SECRETLY fond of them, there is a BIG PROBLEM. >>>>>Also Read This :5 Secrets Of Great Relationships<<<<<
Emotional affair starts rearing its ugly head if you are always eager to see them, anxious to hear from them and you feel sad if a day passes without getting in touch with them. It escalates when you begin sharing deep personal issues, especially
relational or marital problems and you find their words very soothing -it’s like Valium, you can’t sleep without it. It progresses when there is subtle flirty compliments (e.g. “Each time I see you, I always feel like hugging you and staying there forever” or
“Can I give you a peck please?”), sweet names calling and you never do anything to stop them infact, you love it and always look forward to hearing more from them. You idolize them while comparing them with your spouse who always
falls short. You see them as your comforter, healer and the only one who UNDERSTANDS you.
You begin to keep your conversations with them a secret from your spouse and deny every accusation of having any affair with them (since you are not having sex).
You have chemistry for them and always sexually charged when thinking about them or talking to them. Now, PULL A BREAK!!!
You are threading on a very dangerous path while consoling yourself that you are not having sex. Most people, especially good people, do not plan cheating or adultery, it “just” happened when all red flags are ignored.
Face the fact that your relationship or marriage is sick that is why you are attracted to someone else and fix the problem. If you do not deal with your relationship or marital issues, you will keep pursuing them and end up sleeping with them and that is the beginning of the end of your relationship or marriage.
Pull back from that person and avoid discussing anything personal with them henceforth. >>>>>Also Read This :Courtship, Engagement And The Wedding<<<<<
Come clean to your spouse and let them know you are getting attracted to someone else and you need their help. (You don’t need to give them the full detail of your attraction).
Stop all chats, be very polite with their calls or ignore their calls altogether if you get tempted to go back. Understand why you fell into emotional affair and take precautions lest you fall into another one. Know that you are human and it is very possible to feel attracted towards the opposite sex, just don’t pursue your object of attraction. Set boundaries. Do not entertain ungodly relationships.
Have a full understanding of emotional affair and protect your heart from being tempted.
Remember the bible says: “Let he that thinketh he standeth, take heed, lest he fall.” 1Cor 10:12. Take charge of your life, do not leave your relationships to chance.
*To promote Godliness and preserve families which is God’s institution, share with all in your families and friends. You might be saving a Marriage or relationship from collapsing. This applies to married and single individuals both male and female. To tell you the truth this is how INFIDELITY starts…so be warned
I woke up from a very frightening dream of my wife pouring hot coals on my Bible. I am a pastor, the former General overseer of a blossoming ministry……My church was beginning to get noticed all around the country, you know that point, when it seem like you are the only one God was speaking to. That was the point I was when I began to have serious deep revelation about my wife.
Just as I got to church that morning , highly disturbed, Sis Chrstiana, a very fervent member of our church who was gifted in visions and prophecy knocked at my door.
“Pastor, there has been underground murmuring in the church, a lot of people have been having terrible dreams about Mama, I shut most of them up, until I saw something very similar this morning”
“What did you see, sis Christiana?” I asked in fear
“I saw Mama, Your wife Sir, carrying a sledgehammer breaking down the building of the church, till the whole church collapsed” >>>>>>Also Read This:True Life Story Of A Pastor<<<<<<
“oh my God!, lord don’t let this woman destroy me, I also saw a revelation this morning, I saw her pouring hot coals on my Bible, I am finished, I have married the enemy of my destiny, but the devil is a mad man, he planted her in my life for over 15 years without her showing her true colours, now that my ministry is blossoming , the devil wants to use her to destroy all I have labored to gather, God forbid!. Thank you Sis Christiana, I know what to do!”
You would not believe what I did, I went into a 21 days fasting with only one prayer point “ LORD, KILL MY WIFE”I was on a prayer mountain for 21 days and I refused to come down, all I drank for those 21 days was water. A strange sickness took over my wife, I started jubilating, so happy heaven had answered my prayer, I did not pay attention to her, 3 months after my prayer, my wife DIED.
HOW ELATED I WAS, the enemy of my life was dead. Sis Christiana and I became good friends, she introduced her younger sister to me, and I fell in love with her instantly, before long, I perceived she was the will of God for me. She was a very spiritual girl. I married her. On our wedding night, she woke me up…
“ Femi Durojaiye, wake up” she had never called me by my first name, but as I looked at her I saw an elderly woman on the bed instead of my young beautiful wife…
“Hey , Shut up, how dare you call that name, you murderer, listen, from today , you are no more the General overseer of your church. If you make the attempt of ever pastoring again.. we will kill you…” Get Your Copy Now !
Suddenly, just like in the movies three witches appeared in my room, Sis Christiana in the middle.. and Christiana spoke…
“ I have been in your church for 10 years as I had been assigned against you, because of the potential we saw in you, but your wife always defended you in the place of prayer, she was your cover, we needed to clear her away and the only one who could do it for us was you. We just needed you to declare it with your own mouth, and our master the devil worked on it.”
The elderly woman on my bed spoke “ So, I am with you forever, we are already in a marital covenant, blood and soul tie covenant, wherever you go, I go ..so I will be monitoring your every move, so cooperate, hand over the church to a pastor I will introduce to you tomorrow and you will tell your members, the Lord told you to step down as the General Overseer.” >>>>>>Also Read This: Confession That Shook Me<<<<<<
I did as instructed, and I watched how my big church crumbled before me as the satanic pastor destroyed the soul of my members, stealing their Glory. My new wife made sure she escorted me to my village, where she left me giving me strict warning never to come to the city again. She left me and for TEN years I have not seen her. >>>>>>DO YOU WANT TO SHARE YOUR LOVE OFFERING WITH US HERE, JUST CLICK NOW<<<<<<<
I decided to write this story to let everyone know that we should discern all spirits, not all dreams come from God. Some have been projected from the pit of hell to send confusion into one’s Life. Also in marriage, no matter what you are going through with your spouse, never see your spouse as the enemy, the devil is the enemy.
Lastly, let wives be very vigilant spiritually, there are women who want to clear you out of the way so as to destroy your husband, always be prayerful about your own safety. Husbands pray for your wife, the devil that wants you to lose your wife is actually the devil that wants to remove your spiritual shield, so they can get you.
“BELOVED, DO NOT BELIEVE EVERY SPIRIT, BUT TEST THE SPIRITS TO SEE WHETHER THEY ARE FROM GOD, FOR MANY FALSE PROPHETS HAVE GONE OUT INTO THE WORLD” 1 JOHN 4:1
Marriage is not a human custom that gradually came to be accepted during the early history of mankind. Marriage is a God-ordained sacred institution, and it is intended to be a lifetime proposition. Jesus said, “Have ye not read that he which made them at the beginning, made them male and female, and said For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they twain shall be one flesh?”(Matthew 19:4-5).
Marriage originated at the time of creation; it is not a mere human invention. In Genesis 2:24 God says that a man should leave father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they two “shall be one flesh.” That text, given at the beginning of creation, says four things about marriage. Marriage is to be:
monogamous—one man, one woman; a man and his wife permanent—joined to one another speaks of a binding commitment, like epoxy glue heterosexual—given in the context of a man and woman (Adam and Eve)a separate unit—the word “leave” means “to abandon the former relationship”
The Bible encourages young people to consider marriage—and certainly it is unwise for people to suddenly marry, without ever having paid any attention to each other, or without really getting to know each other. Therefore we approve of courtship among young people—but there are some instructions that need to be passed along to youth.
a. The dangers of courtship
There are many pitfalls during the years of courtship, but the most menacing danger is related to habits which can lead to sexual intimacy.
The primary reason why many marriages end in disaster is because during courtship the couple becomes too involved in their physical attraction for each other. They don’t really get to know each other as persons because the sexual attraction becomes predominant. It is very easy to overlook even obvious personality defects, since so much pleasurable emotion comes from the activities of touching and embracing (necking and petting). At those moments—when the passions are aroused—who cares about personality defects?
The sex experience is beautiful and right—but only within the bonds of true and honorable marriage. Why within marriage? Because God knows that the physical relationship between a man and a woman might lead to the birth of a child—and that the child will only get the proper nurture within the family situation of a godly marriage. The Bible says that “marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled, but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4).
In the Bible, fornication (sex experience before one is married) is classified as being equal to stealing and murder and idolatry. Most Christians would never think of committing murder—taking the life of another person—but God says that fornication is equally wicked.
What most people during courtship don’t seem to understand—is that touching and embracing (necking and petting) are simple acts designed to pave the way to excite the passions for the ultimate act of sexual intercourse. Step by step—if these habits are started, you’ll likely push back the barriers of what you permit—until it is almost impossible to avoid the act of fornication. Also Read This: The Tragedy of Divorce and Remarriage
Many young persons don’t seem to recognize the principle in human behavior which is known as “the moral law of diminishing returns.” The law simply says (when related to courtship practices) that once a couple has proceeded to one level of intimacy, it is almost impossible to return to a less intimate level. The couple who progresses from holding hands to the act of touching and embracing—can scarcely ever return to the less intimate level and be satisfied.
And so a dating couple should enjoy each other’s presence—carefully avoiding familiar intimacies that could tempt each other beyond the power of self-control. Those people who can’t seem to get enough of each other before marriage (spending evenings pawing all over each other)—are often the very ones who have all kinds of conflicts after marriage.
One of the best safeguards to a pure courtship is a well-planned date—an evening filled with activities that are all planned—things to do and places to go that are planned in advance.
Visit the homes of lonely people in your community, especially the aged and widows and shut-ins. They enjoy having a group of energetic young people singing a song, engaging in conversation, or letting a word of testimony. Plan activities with the family at home. Spend time together cooking a meal, making candy, popping corn, looking at pictures, or playing simple games. Spend at least part of each dating period reading and discussing a passage of Scripture. Both can agree to read the same portion of the Bible at the same time each evening of the week. There’s something special about knowing that your special friend is doing the same thing you are doing at exactly the same time, even though separated by many miles.
These are things to do, and places to go, in order to make your courtship constructive and filled with purpose.
b. The choice of courtship
The Scriptures are clear: believers are not to even consider marriage with unbelievers under any circumstances at all. The Law in Israel forbade intermarriage with persons from the non-Jewish nations round about them (Deuteronomy 7:3). We are not to marry pagans. Believers are not to give their daughters to unbelieving boys or their sons to unbelieving girls. The New Testament commands the same thing. We are not to be “unequally yoked together with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14).
To those who are not yet married, we must say this: Those who seek your hand in marriage might be generous and well-trained and handsome—but unless they are children of God by faith in Jesus Christ (not necessarily members of your church), and are concerned about obedience to the Scriptures (and give clear evidence of knowing the Lord)—you must not even consider dating [courting] them. Failure to observe this basic law of God has led to shipwreck in thousands of homes—and any girl who marries a young man with the idea that she will change his undesirable traits after the ceremony, is only inviting disaster! If a person is not honest and trustworthy before the wedding day, the words of a marriage ceremony will not change him. If he is careless about handling money before marriage, he will likely exhibit the same characteristics later on.
There are other instructions related to choosing a good partner. Sometimes I’ve been asked the question, “How can I know when I’m in love with the right person?” There is no formula that can be used to accurately answer that question—but here are some statements that will be true about the two of you if you are intended for each other:
1. There will be a feeling that you’ve been lifted to a higher spiritual level through the association with your special friend. One young man said, “Every time I’m with her, she inspires me to become a better person.”
2. You will have confidence and trust in your special friend, and will not really have a desire to date other persons. True love creates a “we” feeling.
3. You will want to see and meet and know your partner’s parents—and brothers and sisters and relatives and friends.
4. You will have respect for the one you love—respect for that person’s beliefs and convictions and moral standards. These things will be more important than his or her physical attractiveness.
5. You will be lonely when circumstances require the two of you to be separated. You will long for the day and the hour when you can be together again.
6. You will hurt when your special friend is hurt or criticized. You will rush to the defense of your friend and seek to support him (or her).
7. You will want your children to have the character qualities and attitudes which are evident in the life of your special friend.
If each of you is bubbling over with these seven characteristics, it is quite evident that love between the two of you is really growing. And remember that true love can thrive without physical contact. If you can’t be together without hugging and holding and squeezing—something is wrong. The base for your companionship is too shallow. Your interest must be in the total person, not merely in his or her physical charms.
If you took a trip together shortly after your marriage—and you were in a car accident—and the body of the girl (or the boy) you just married is really battered—and her face is re-arranged—and the doctor says “She will never quite be the same,” would you still be able to love her and take care of her? True love is concerned about the total well-being of the potential partner, and is not merely a romantic dream about spending eternity in each other’s arms!
All of us have read the account of the engagement of Joseph and Mary, as it is given in Matthew 1:18-25. “Engagement” is a definite mutual agreement between a courting couple, stating that they will plan for and look forward to marriage. They prepare for marriage by further testing their love, further learning to make adjustments, seeking to correct faults, and making plans for the wedding day.
The couple should only enter into the betrothal period after much prayer, and with the full confidence that God has been leading. There’s a new joy and thrill that comes when planning things together—thinking about the future together. This new, closer companionship will help determine whether your partner’s love is really genuine, or whether it is only a clever imitation.
Sometimes when a young man becomes engaged, he thinks that because the matter of whom he is going to marry has been settled—he can now relax and let his ordinary behavior surface. He may have previously been play-acting. For this reason, sometimes, one (or both) of the partners realizes that the engagement was a mistake (and this is not to encourage breaking engagements)—yet while engagements should not be taken lightly, it is far better to break an engagement than to seek a divorce after marriage.
a. Qualities that should surface during engagement
A prospective marriage partner should have a strong faith in God and should accept the teachings of the Bible as his rule for life—including the practices of nonconformity and nonresistance.He should possess self-confidence, not with an air of superiority thinking he knows it all, but with a positive feeling that he is going to meet and work through life’s problems.He should manifest self-discipline, exercising reasonable control over his temper, his words, and his bodily appetites.He should have ambition and purpose, showing a sense of responsibility toward work, and toward getting things done on time. He should be willing to admit his mistakes, take responsibility for them, and vow to profit from them. He should have mature ideas about how to handle money. He should not be a miser who saves every penny, nor should he be a careless spender, spending everything as fast as he earns it. He should reflect a sense of respect for his home, his parents, and his brothers and sisters.
And of course, any person who looks for those qualities in a potential marriage companion should work diligently to develop those same qualities in his or her own life.
b. Purposes for the engagement period
a time when you prove your love, and guarantee that you are a team, and are both going in the same direction.a time when you discover in each other an increasing companionship and a growing respect and admiration for each other.a time when you make plans for the wedding and the household that will be established.a time when you discuss such matters as how the money will be handled, how family worship will be conducted, who will take the garbage out, where you will live, and to which church you will belong. The Bible and wisdom teach that it is best not to live at either parental home. To “leave” father and mother—means to abandon the former relationship, not to dishonor father and mother.a time to learn about the more intimate things of marriage—including sexual activity and the birth of children. Seek the counsel of someone in whom you have confidence and speak about the details. A helpful book on the subject (from a Christian perspective, for persons who will soon marry) is “Sexual Happiness in Marriage” by Herbert J. Miles. Also Read This: Improving Marriage Relationship
It is very important to remember that just because you are engaged, you are not free to explore each other’s bodies. Sexual relationships are for cementing the marriage relationship into a strong and permanent bond.
3. The Wedding
When it comes time to plan the wedding, determine to let the occasion be marked by simplicity and modesty. The money spent for a showy wedding is not an investment that will pay dividends; it is money spent that is gone forever. Think of the thousands of people in Africa and India who are dying this week.
The wedding is an important ceremony because marriage is a sacred event. Jesus says that at the time of marriage, the couple leaves father and mother and they cleave to each other. They are no more two, but one flesh (Matthew 19:6). Just as Satan tries to take Christout of Christmas and the resurrectionout of Easter, so he seeks to take the deeper spiritual essence out of the wedding ceremony and put trivia there instead.
a) The wedding event is often too elaborate and expensive.
The average formal wedding today, among many circles in the Western world, involves decorations and gowns and suits and invitations and postage and pictures and a reception—so that the cost often falls between $5,000 and $10,000 and even more. Yet we are aware that a wedding ceremony can be beautiful and impressive and sacred without blindly following the routine cultural patterns.
There are ways to keep the cost of a wedding in a more moderate range. Here are some suggestions.
1) Buy (or make) a nice mid-calf length dress for the bride, and wear it occasionally after the wedding day.
2) Have only a limited number of attendants for the wedding ceremony, and request that the attendants wear clothing which they can wear after the wedding day.
3) Write your own personal notes of invitation instead of sending expensive engraved invitations.
4) Consider limiting the reception to a light snack instead of a full meal. Weddings would be a lot more Christian if they were a lot less elaborate!
There is beauty in simplicity. A wedding is not intended to be a fashion show. It is to be one of the most sacred of all Christian services. The serious purpose of binding two hearts and lives together for a lifetime of home-building must not be lost in the midst of the formality and display of an elaborate wedding procedure. It does not cost much to walk to the front of a church auditorium, and seriously repeat the marriage vows, and then kneel together and pray.
b) The wedding event is often built around the bride.
The typical wedding in many cultures is saturated with matriarchcalism. It centers on the bride, and thus violates the Bible principle of mutual love and dignity that should surround both parties in a marriage.
In some circles, the wedding format is something like this:
The people begin to arrive in the church building; there is quiet pre-ceremonial music; the ushers seat the women; the men tag along behind like frightened little puppy dogs. After a few musical selections, the clergy, the groom, and the best man appear from somewhere at the front of the church auditorium. Then, down the aisle come some sweet little girls carrying flowers, followed by some sweet big girls clad in beautiful dresses (often very immodestly designed); and finally—the big, important, momentous occasion arrives! As the rear door opens—and in answer to the call of music—finally, here comes the bride!
All eyes are glued on the bride; the people smile and everybody stands; all eyes watch the bride’s movements very carefully. After someone “gives away” the bride, the people sit down—and from that point the ceremony is in charge of the officiating minister. Also Read This: The Truth About Living Together Before Marriage
It would be much more in keeping with mutual love if the bride and the groom would walk into the auditorium together—or even for the bride to come via one door with her parents, and the groom come via another door with his parents—and the two meet together at the altar, facing the minister in charge. In the Christian wedding, the worship, honor and glory should be directed toward Jesus Christ, not toward the bride.
After the ceremony the newly married couple should be allowed to greet guests, and then leave the scene of the wedding in peace—with the echo of their vows ringing in their ears, the good wishes of their friends lingering in their hearts, and the blessing of God upon their marriage.
When two people stand side by side and promise to love and cherish each other until death separates them—it’s not hard to believe that the angels in Heaven hush their songs for a while, and stand in awe as they listen to the solemn vows. May God help each young person to find joy in living, whether your lot in life involves marriage, or whether in the providence of God you happen to remain single. To those who have never married, and you are somewhat older, the right person might still appear on the scene—but if not, don’t become discouraged. It’s better to want what you don’t have than to have what you don’t want!
By Harold S. Martin
Used by permission of Bible Helps, P O Box 391, Hanover PA 17331.USA PLEASE SHARE NOW IF THIS HAS BLESSED YOU!
Quiet. Do you hear that? Do you hear those two clamoring voices in the background? It sounds like they are talking to one another but neither one is listening. How can they hear one another if they are both talking at the same time? How can they learn the other person’s point of view if they are both talking at the same time? How can they resolve the issue if they are both talking at the same time? They are not interested in hearing and understanding their beloved spouse’s point of view. Instead, they want to vehemently unleash their anger, frustration and disappointment upon one another. So as their spouse talks, they zone out. They hear each other but they really do not hear each other. They are destructively elevating their voice so that they can hopelessly get their point in.
Oddly enough, their views on the subject are not that far apart. However since they are not listening to one another, they are unable to receive and truly evaluate their beloved spouse’s point of view. >>>>>Also Read This:4 Common Problems in Marriage<<<<<
James offers a solution to this counterproductive communication when he encourages us “to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger”. (James 1:19) James is challenging us to deny our selfish fleshly desire to unleash our fury upon our spouse and listen to one another. But you say “I don’t want to listen”. I agree. Who wants to listen when they are mad? However, it is listening that is the catalyst for identifying the issue from both parties perspective and then finding an agreeable solution. How many times have you spent hours arguing with one another without knowing the true issue? How many times have you ended the argument without a solid solution? How many times have you engaged in the same heated discussion over and over again?
By listening, we have the opportunity to hear and evaluate our beloved spouse’s view while learning their heart and becoming the “one flesh” the bible speaks of in Genesis 2:24. Sure, we will not agree with one another all of the time. But at least we understand each other’s point of view which provides us with the opportunity to find a prolonged solution that works for the both of us.
In addition, it is easier to manage our temper if we are listening attentively. Unbridled anger tempts us to say and do irrational things. We love our spouse but in the heat of the moment, we attempt to transfer our pain and frustration about the situation to our spouse. So we call them a name. We remind them of their various faults and short comings. We slam our fist against a wall or table. We shove or hit them.
Don’t let anger get the best of you. Learn to recognize when you are getting hot before your pot boils over. Just because you are angry does not mean you have to act upon that anger. The bible says “be angry but sin not”Ephesians 4:26. That may require you to swallow some pride, hold your tongue and walk away until you calm down. I know that sounds weak but it is a strong man or woman who can control their emotions. It is a strong man or woman who can recognize their boiling point and then take the necessary steps to squelch it. >>>>>Also Read This: My Husband, I Have Been Unfaithful<<<<<<
Now let me get gender specific here. Ladies, if your husband recognizes that he is reaching that boiling point and begins to walk away, let him go. Don’t walk behind him hurling insults that you know will attack his character and increase the temperature in the room. Sticks and stones WILL break our bones and words DO hurt.
After you have walked away, the conversation is not over. You may not want to talk about it any more but in order to resolve the issue and strengthen the relationship, you have to return and address the issue. It would also behoove you to take the initiative in restarting the conversation. You are the leader of the home and the one who walked away. Thus, it is your responsibility to restart the conversation. I know that it is easier to sweep the issue under the rug. Unfortunately those issues do not stay under the rug. They slowly ease their way out causing distance, enmity and resentment in the relationship. >>>>>>DO YOU WANT TO SHARE YOUR LOVE OFFERING WITH US HERE, JUST CLICK NOW<<<<<<<
We do not have to live this way. When the inevitable disagreement arises, we encourage you to attentively listen to one another before you express yourself in words or actions that you cannot get back. While powerful, anger is not overwhelming. We can control our tempers. The key is recognition followed by productive action. Apply these steps and watch Your Marriage Succeed. PLEASE SHARE!!! Also share your experience with us in the comment box below, God bless you and your marriage!
Please note that you can avoid adultery-the most common attacks on marriage. It is within your power to do it, if you really mean it.
Carelessness is one of the major causes of affairs in marriage not the devil in the real sense of it as many people always claim when they fall into error. So abide with this following simple rules and you will never fall into adultery and it will also help you to adjust quickly in growing a lasting relationship.
1: Never make a member of the opposite sex your best friend with whom you share intimate discussions.
2: Never be with a member of the opposite sex at a time your spouse doesn’t know you are there.
3: Never speak evil about your spouse in the presence of anyone. they will know you are not happy in your marriage and take advantage of that by showing you insincere affections and give you what you lack with your Spouse and destroy you.
5: Never visit a website you will not be proud to tell your children and wife / husband you visited.
6: Avoid keeping secrets from your spouse, AFFAIRS thrive in secrecy. >>>>>>>>>Also Read This: Tips for Newly Married Couples
7: Avoid confiding in the people of the opposite sex, there should be somebody of your sex you can talk to. don’t dig the grave of your marriage with your mouth.
8: Avoid collecting unsolicited gifts and favour from the opposite sex. They will ask for sex in return. they are not Father Christmas.
9: Avoid thinking that anybody is better than your husband or wife. you don’t know what their spouses are enduring at home. what you see outside is just show biz don’t be deceived. Grass is only greener in the other compound because it is far from you.
10: Divert all your sexual fantasy towards your spouse. He or she is planted in to your life to satisfy you and keep you holy.
11: Always remember that whatever every woman or man has in his or her body, your spouse has it too and they are not different from each other, only faces differ it is the same package.
12: Deal with any sexual thoughts that is not directed towards your spouse, kill it before it kills you. Sexual error doesn’t begin in the bedroom,it begins in the heart.
14: Before traveling have sex with your spouse and put your mind to it that you will not have sex until you come back. that decision may save your life and destiny.
15: Men, avoid looking at the front and back side of ladies and imagine what is there. It is stupid, childish and dirty to do that, that’s called lust, what is there isn’t different from what your spouse has, please don’t be stupid sir.
16: Walk in the company of good and Godly men/women. If you keep company with adulterers, you will become adulterous.
17: Discuss your sexual desires with your spouse and let it be met at home, don’t hunt for something that will hunt you later and hurt you deeply tomorrow, your wife/ husband has the best, get it at home. >>>>>>>Also Read This: 5 Secrets of Great Relationships
18: fill your heart with the word of God always, this will not give lust a chance in your mind.
20: Always count the cost of adultery, don’t just look at the pleasure, look at the pain, loss of integrity, how you will hurt your wife/husband, children, friends and above all GOD the almighty.
21: Always remember that the enjoyment, pleasure and the thrills in sex is just 8 seconds or less, it can not be more than that but its repercussions can last for eternity. Why trade eternity for 8 seconds, is there wisdom in that?
22: Pray regularly for your Spouse and your marriage. It is well.
BE FAITHFUL TO YOUR SPOUSE AND YOU WILL BE GLAD YOU DID.
God bless your marriage. PLEASE SHARE!!!
It has been evident in recent years that marriage relationships are deteriorating in our society. Satan is trying to destroy the home, but we praise God for every effort toward its preservation.
God’s blessing is upon the husband-wife relationship.Proverbs 18:22 says, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord.” Not only does marriage and the husband-wife relationship have a blessing from the Lord, but also in God’s Word we are given guidelines by which we can maintain the husband-wife relationship as God intended it to be. Marriage was meant to be a blessed relationship.
And so we ask the question—is your husband-wife relationship a blessed relationship, or is it a strained ordeal?
1. What the Marriage Relationship Should Be Like
In Ephesians 5 we observe that the husband-wife relationship is compared to that of Christ and the Church. In other words, our model indicates that the husband-wife relationship is one that lasts forever, a kinship that grows sweeter as the years go by, a relationship that provides an example of peace and joy, a relationship that will weather the storms and trials of life, and one against which the gates of Hell cannot prevail. Hopefully we can say that by the grace of God we have found our relationship in the home to be that way.
Even children can quickly sense whether mother and father really love each other and whether there is the warmth of love in their home, or whether there is a distance and a coldness between the parents. You may remember the story about the home that was preparing for a wedding. Big sister was getting married and little sister was all eyes and ears to know what was going on and what this was all about. One day she heard them talking about the marriage vows. She said, “What’s that all about?” Mother answered, “Well, that is when big sister and her boyfriend will promise to love and always be kind to each other as long as they live.” Little sister thought a moment, and said, “Well then, you mean that you and daddy aren’t always married.” It is quite clear that our children know what kind of relationship we really have. >>>>>>>>>Also Read This:4 Common Problems in Marriage
I read about a husband whose job required that the family move frequently. While he was temporarily assigned work in one particular area, his family lived in a small hotel room. One day the little girl (for want of a bigger place to play) was playing “doll-house” down in the lobby. One kind lady passed through the hallway, and tried to be helpful and sympathetic. She said to the little girl, “It’s a pity that you don’t have a home of your own.” The little girl responded, “Oh, we do have a home; we just don’t have a house to put it in.” Can you say your relationship is such that you have a home even if your house is less than adequate? If father and mother are happy together, that contentment is conveyed to the children. Judge Gilliam says, “The lack of affection between father and mother is the greatest source of delinquency that I know.” Is your relationship what you would like it to be? Does it bother you when you see another couple that seems to really be happy?
2. Ways To Improve the Marriage Relationship
All sincere married partners want to improve their marriage. No couples should ever be satisfied where they are. In school, we learned a little motto which goes like this: “Good, better, best! Never let it rest until your good is better and your better is best!”
One couple whose marriage was just about on the rocks determined that they were going to improve their marriage by God’s help. The husband describes what they did: “We got together and took a pencil and paper and each wrote down the things we did not like about the other. We had a long list. When done, we exchanged the papers, and we found it was difficult to face each other’s list. We walked together to a point where we burned the papers and watched them go up in flames. Then we came back and sat down and started making a list of things we liked about each other. This was difficult too, but when the lists were completed, we exchanged the papers and looked at them. Later we framed them and hung them in our bedroom, so that each morning when we arise we can see what our partner likes, and concentrate on doing those positive things. By God’s grace, it has transformed our marriage.” If your marriage is not what you would like it to be, and you really seriously mean business—by God’s grace, it can be improved. However you must be willing to work at it.
(a) Avoid comparing your marriage with other marriages
It is a tragic mistake to look at the marriage relationship of another couple and to wish that your relationship would be like theirs. According to 2 Corinthians 10:12, we should not be among the number who compare ourselves among ourselves, because such people are not wise. Our human nature tends to see the good points (the “plus” points) in others who are more distant from us, and the bad points (the “minus” points) in those who are closer to us. If we keep looking at the minus points, we will have a different outlook in life. Remember that the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence, but keep in mind too that the closer you are to the circumstances, the easier it is to see the faults.
A magazine article pointed out what it called “an ideal marriage” between a state governor and his wife. Yet it was only a matter of a few years until their marriage was on the rocks. From a distance the marriage looked successful, but it must not have been quite as great as the writer thought. We need to stop looking around and stop comparing our relationship with that of another husband and wife. We must realize that couples are different. God did not intend that all of us should conduct our homes in the same way, and that we should all like the same things—or He would have made us all over the same carbon copy. Some couples like to be on the go almost all the time, almost every night of the week. Then there are other couples whose nature it is to stay home much of the time. In some homes, the wife is reserved and the husband is outgoing; in others, the wife can not sew and the husband is not a businessman. We must accept the fact that God has made us all different, and then we must concentrate on just being ourselves in the light of Ephesians 5:21 which says, “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” Most of the time we overlook that verse and think only upon the following verses which tell us that husbands should “love” and wives should “submit.” But actually,Ephesians 5:22-23 gives the further instructions once we have accepted the point of verse 21, “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” In other words, we should not look at other people, but submit ourselves to each other and work out the marriage relationship which God has ordained for us.
(b) Build an attitude of trust toward your partner
Do you as married partners really trust each other? Can you (the husband) say to your wife: “Am I really worthy of your trust? Do you feel that you will be my `one and only’ forever?” Do you as a husband (or as a wife) enjoy being with your partner more than with anyone else? You will want to be together as much as possible. People today speak very lightly about trust and the high ideal of a solid marriage relationship. Even secular counselors tell us they are finding out that the kind of loose living which is common today simply is not working. It doesn’t work because until one is really committed to another person for life, he cannot actually give himself wholeheartedly to that person.
Many ask what is wrong with pre-marital sex and mention that “everybody is doing it,” and they argue that no one is going to find out about the relationship anyhow. But you cannot really give yourself physically or emotionally or spiritually until you can trust each other and know that the relationship will last for life. If you are one who thinks that there is not much wrong with pre-marital sex, it will be difficult for your partner to trust you. If, on the other hand, you count fornication as a wicked sin, your partner can much more readily trust you. If you were loose in your living before your marriage, how can your partner trust you after marriage? When passion wears out, how will your partner know that you will not go out and try some other thrill when you are bored with her?
God’s Word says we are to confess our faults one to another (James 5:16), and this is good advice for married couples as an aid in building trust. Some might say that “What my partner doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” But we are spiritual beings and not mere physical creatures. We can cover up the past, but there is always the possibility your partner will find it out, and so it is best to confess your misdeeds. This will help build trust and will lead to a happier marriage relationship. >>>>>>>>>Also Read This:7 Traits That Separate Good From Great Marriage
When someone says “My partner does not trust me”—one of the first questions I ask is: “What have you done to cause your partner to feel that way?” The partner must not necessarily be blamed. You may be the one to blame if your companion does not trust you. I believe that if we husbands feel our partners do not trust us, then we ought to be a leader and go to the wife and ask what is wrong, and give her the right to tell us why she does not trust us. I also believe that where it says “Husbands love your wives,” we have a clear command not only never to commit adultery with someone else, but to love our wives with our body, mind, soul, and spirit. Only then can we have a beautiful marriage relationship. One of the big weaknesses of many husbands is the fact that after marriage, there is a tendency for him to sort of secretly admire someone else. A wife can detect that real quickly.
Let each husband abstain from all appearance of evil, and beware of placing ourselves into tempting circumstances—for we are all human, and we can easily fall. I read recently about a couple who were happily married, but another couple with whom they could share closely, became good friends. They were together so much, and in each other’s presence so often—it soon came to the place that they were too intimate, and before they realized it, both marriages were wrecked—because the one husband started to admire the other wife more than he did his own wife. Beware of circumstances where you sense you are no longer admiring only your partner, because you will lose your trust, and your marriage could falter.
(c) Diligently try to please your partner
To improve marriage relationships, it is important to try and please your partner. God’s Word says that the wife tries to please her husband (1 Corinthians 7:34), and the Christian husband tries to please his wife (1 Corinthians 7:33). Are you really trying to please your married partner, or do you frequently say, “I’ll do what I please”? Is your attitude one which says, “if we can’t agree, we will each go our own way”? This kind of relationship does not make for a happy marriage bond.
The important question in marriage is not, “How can I have all my needs fulfilled in this marriage—but how much love can I express in meeting the needs of the one I marry?” Love says, “I will give.” Immaturity says, “Please me, and I will try to please you.” Do you ever do things just to “bug” your partner? Do you ever tease your partner when you know he doesn’t like it? There are too many marriages lived out on the “I’ll get even” basis. “If you treat me this way, I’ll get back in this way.” The husband is one hour late for supper, so his wife makes him wait an hour for supper the next night. This kind of action will not work for harmony. One husband might say, “I’m going hunting; I don’t care what you say.” The wife says she is going shopping and will spend as much money as she wants. This is not the way to please each other as partners. This is the “get even philosophy” and such a marriage is going to be much less than ideal.
Instead of living on the “get even” level, try this formula: Try sharing, bearing, working, and changing together. It should be a continuation of courtship days. Husband and wife are different in order to challenge each other, to grow together toward maturity, and not to see who is right or to determine what is right. One of the goals for married partners is to determine how we can best change together for the honor and glory of God.
3. Factors To Guard in the Marriage Relationship
Let me go a little further. It is a sin for married partners to refuse physical relationships for an extended period of time without mutual consent. The Scripture says, “The wife has not power of her own body, but the husband; and likewise the husband has no power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer, and come together again that Satan tempt you not in your incontinency” (1 Corinthians 7:4-5). In other words, the wife’s body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband. And in the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone, but also to his wife.
We must exercise moderation in the area of physical relationships. It is possible that some couples use what they think is a “holier than thou” approach, and they try to get even with each other (and to get back at the partner) by withholding the sexual privilege. Some marriages are not what they ought to be because people physically are selfish. They want to try to please themselves. They reason this way: “If you don’t please me, I’ll get even.” When a husband by-passes his wife for his physical needs, and has his own private sexual releases, the wife then also turns her physical drive for affection to the love and kisses she receives from the children. It can even lead to affairs with other men. Withholding sexual privilege is not pleasing to God. It is not pleasing to your partner. Your marriage fulfillment will decrease.
Married partners also must guard against the danger of not learning to really know each other. Do you know your partner’s sorrows, joys, and concerns? Are you aware of what her life goals are? Or don’t you talk together about these kinds of things? Some time ago I was in a home where a wife and husband were members of different church denominations. I asked the husband where his wife attends church services. He mentioned where she normally attended. I asked whether she was a member of that church body. He said he is not sure if she considers herself a member or not. It is really difficult for me to imagine a husband and wife living under the same roof and talking so little about spiritual things. >>>>>>>>>Also Read This:25 Principles To Grow Your Marriage
It is a sad fact, but it is true: Very few husbands and wives spend more than a few minutes each week really talking about things that matter. Many fail to have frequent heart-to-heart talks. Husbands and wives should be free to give constructive criticisms to each other, without being considered negative or harsh or critical. The husband should be the leader, but the wife as a help-meet can be a very wise counselor. God did not make each of us a whole unit. After marriage, each is only a half. It is only when both husband and wife put together their thoughts and concerns that they have a balanced outlook on life.
In conclusion, there is no “perfect” marriage. It requires a continual effort. A good marriage relationship requires a day-by-day, week-by-week attempt to keep things in harmony, but it is worth it all. Marriage can be a bit of heaven here upon earth. It is like a garden. You can have a beautiful garden, but you must keep the weeds down. So also in marriage, the devil is looking for marriages in which to sow the tares so that he can wreck the marriage. He hopes to keep it from bearing fruit. By God’s grace and help we can keep every weed dug out. The sooner we dig it out, or the sooner we go to a counselor for help, the more quickly we can have that beautiful relationship in Jesus Christ.
Because marriage here on earth is never perfect, each marriage needs two little “bears.” They are “bear” and “forbear.” We are not perfect; we all have weaknesses; we all have idiosyncracies. A mature Christian does not expect perfection in his mate. To all others, take heed to this illustration: There once was a young wife who after several months of marriage said to her husband, “You know, John, we have been married for a while and I have learned to know you better. I would like to remind you of a few of your faults.” He said, “Oh—I know all about my faults. That’s the reason I couldn’t marry a better woman.” Remember that none of us is perfect, but we can be forgiving. To err is human, but to forgive is divine. A good marriage is not one where perfection reigns.
A good marriage is a relationship where each partner has taken Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour of their lives, and where a healthy understanding, plus the grace of God, can overlook a multitude of unresolvable difficulties.
-By Samuel M. Cassel
Used by permission of Bible Helps, P O Box 391, Hanover PA 17331.USA PLEASE SHARE IF THIS HAS BLESSED YOU!
LEARN FROM THIS CONFESSION / TESTIMONY.
I asked, so what is the secret of your over 47 years in marriage?
Beaming, she retorted; My daughter, the expectations you bring into marriage will either spell its doom or success. I married my husband without expectations of enjoying his money or buying cars for me, but with time, my patience, hard work and God-fearing attitude yielded results of getting cars, houses, taking care of our children and all that.
You see, if a married lady keeps on nagging in the house, she pushes the spirit of her husband from the home. If you make the man unhappy, you make the house uncomfortable.
“So, I married without high expectations from my husband but simply to make him happy always”
Yes, for the past 47 years, I would be the first to get up from bed and the last to go back to bed. I bath the kids, do devotions with them, prepare breakfast for my husband and boil hot water for him to bath. I iron his clothes he would take to work, kiss him and wish him the best in his daily endeavours.
So I ask my old woman, so then what does the man do in return?
She laughed all heart and hearty and replied; You see, this is the mistake you young ones make in marriage. YOU DO SOMETHING TO YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE AND EXPECT SAME REWARD FROM HIM OR HER, THIS IS WRONG!
When it becomes your attitude to always please your husband or wife, the other person responds naturally. Indeed, if nothing touches the palm tree, it doesn’t rattle. >>>>>>Also Read This:The Tragedy of Divorce And Remarriage<<<<<
She continued, my daughter, never carry how rich or poor your family is into marriage. After all, you knew very well the status of your family and decided to marry that man or woman.
Love only compels would- be couples into marriage but it doesn’t sustain marriage. Rather, understanding, patience, communication and most importantly, forgiveness sustain every marriage. High expectations are the symptoms of divorce in marriages.
Sometimes you hear, I want to marry a mother, a business partner, God fearing person etc. You can’t get all your expectations in one person. With time and depending on your relationship, you may get some. So minimise your expectations in marriage.
To cut the long story short, as too much cook spoil the broth, she concluded on the mistakes couple should resist at all cost in marriage: >>>>>Also Read This:5 Secrets of Lasting Relationship<<<<<
1) Never say you have made your wife or husband somebody from a nobody. It hurts. God only use you as an agent for transformation, give the glory to God.
2) Let the man be head financially, emotionally,
physically and spiritually, whilst the woman exercise diligence in the use of the tongue.
3) Children are not the ultimate in marriage. They are given to enhance your marriage. When God delays in giving you a child, have every reason to live a happy marital life.
There has never been any automatic barrenness in a person. Abraham got Ishmael at age 86 but at age 100 and 90, they eventually got their Isaac. Isaac had a barren family for 20 years but eventually got his twins; Jacob and Esau etc.
4) Sex is a major morale booster after a hard day’s stressful life. Try to be sexual beings and not “Angels” in that marriage
5) Resort to God often and less to men to solve your marital disputes.
6) Let the women ” Make up” their characters much more than they make up their body.
Indeed, marriage is not for small boys because small boys struggle to forgive, demand everything speedily, lack the patience to wait, have so many friends etc.
MAKE EVERY EFFORT TO LET THAT MARRIAGE WORK AND MAY GOD BLESS US ALL Please share this post if you find it helpful.