Tag: family

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE YOUR MARRIAGE CAN SUCCEED

YOUR MARRIAGE CAN SUCCEED

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on May 25, 2018

Quiet. Do you hear that? Do you hear those two clamoring voices in the background? It sounds like they are talking to one another but neither one is listening. How can they hear one another if they are both talking at the same time? How can they learn the other person’s point of view if they are both talking at the same time? How can they resolve the issue if they are both talking at the same time? They are not interested in hearing and understanding their beloved spouse’s point of view. Instead, they want to vehemently unleash their anger, frustration and disappointment upon one another. So as their spouse talks, they zone out. They hear each other but they really do not hear each other. They are destructively elevating their voice so that they can hopelessly get their point in.

Oddly enough, their views on the subject are not that far apart. However since they are not listening to one another, they are unable to receive and truly evaluate their beloved spouse’s point of view.
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James offers a solution to this counterproductive communication when he encourages us “to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger”. (James 1:19) James is challenging us to deny our selfish fleshly desire to unleash our fury upon our spouse and listen to one another. But you say “I don’t want to listen”. I agree. Who wants to listen when they are mad? However, it is listening that is the catalyst for identifying the issue from both parties perspective and then finding an agreeable solution. How many times have you spent hours arguing with one another without knowing the true issue? How many times have you ended the argument without a solid solution? How many times have you engaged in the same heated discussion over and over again?

By listening, we have the opportunity to hear and evaluate our beloved spouse’s view while learning their heart and becoming the “one flesh” the bible speaks of in Genesis 2:24. Sure, we will not agree with one another all of the time. But at least we understand each other’s point of view which provides us with the opportunity to find a prolonged solution that works for the both of us.

In addition, it is easier to manage our temper if we are listening attentively. Unbridled anger tempts us to say and do irrational things. We love our spouse but in the heat of the moment, we attempt to transfer our pain and frustration about the situation to our spouse. So we call them a name. We remind them of their various faults and short comings. We slam our fist against a wall or table. We shove or hit them.

Don’t let anger get the best of you. Learn to recognize when you are getting hot before your pot boils over. Just because you are angry does not mean you have to act upon that anger. The bible says “be angry but sin not”Ephesians 4:26. That may require you to swallow some pride, hold your tongue and walk away until you calm down. I know that sounds weak but it is a strong man or woman who can control their emotions. It is a strong man or woman who can recognize their boiling point and then take the necessary steps to squelch it.
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Now let me get gender specific here. Ladies, if your husband recognizes that he is reaching that boiling point and begins to walk away, let him go. Don’t walk behind him hurling insults that you know will attack his character and increase the temperature in the room. Sticks and stones WILL break our bones and words DO hurt.

After you have walked away, the conversation is not over. You may not want to talk about it any more but in order to resolve the issue and strengthen the relationship, you have to return and address the issue. It would also behoove you to take the initiative in restarting the conversation. You are the leader of the home and the one who walked away. Thus, it is your responsibility to restart the conversation. I know that it is easier to sweep the issue under the rug. Unfortunately those issues do not stay under the rug. They slowly ease their way out causing distance, enmity and resentment in the relationship.
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We do not have to live this way. When the inevitable disagreement arises, we encourage you to attentively listen to one another before you express yourself in words or actions that you cannot get back. While powerful, anger is not overwhelming. We can control our tempers. The key is recognition followed by productive action. Apply these steps and watch Your Marriage Succeed.
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Also share your experience with us in the comment box below, God bless you and your marriage!

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE The Christian Home

The Christian Home

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on January 25, 2018

The nearest thing to heaven on earth is the Christian family and home, where husband and wife, parents and children, live together in love and peace, devoted to God and to each other. By way of contrast, the nearest thing to hell on earth is the ungodly home, broken by sin and iniquity, where parents quarrel and bicker and separate, and where children are given over to the forces of wickedness to be brought up with scarcely any training at all.

The word “home” likely takes your mind back across the years, and for some the mind goes across hundreds of miles of space—to the spot which will be forever hallowed in your memories among all places on earth. You are reminded of the place where you grew up as a boy or as a girl, playing around the yard with brothers and sisters and neighbor children, and where you sat around the old range stove on a winter evening with your mother and dad and the rest of the family. There are several things about that old home-place which are not true about any other spot on earth.

In this message we want to see what the Bible says about the duties of the various members of the family to each other and to the Lord.

1. Duties of Wives To Their Husbands

a) The Christian wife is to be subject to her husband.
Ephesians 5:22-23 says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church.”

Marriage is not a 50-50 proposition. The husband and the wife are not to bejointly in the place of headship. Our Lord plainly says, “The husband is the head of the wife.” This does not mean that the wife is less important in the home than the husband or that she is to be a slave of the husband, but it does mean that she is to submit to the leadership role of her husband. The only exception would be if he asks her to violate clear scriptural teachings (Acts 5:29).
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The Lord commands husbands to love their wives, and if the husband loves his wife as Christ loved the church, she will have no difficulty with being subject to him. When problems arise (and they will arise), they should be carefully discussed together. A vote should be taken. If both agree—good. But in the case of a tie (the wife votes one way and the husband votes the other), then the husband should cast the deciding vote. The husband should assume the final leadership in the home.

b) The wife is to respect and admire her husband.
Ephesians 5:33 says, “Let every one of you (husbands) . . . so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

The wife should respect her husband. This seems to be true even for the wife who has an unsaved husband (1 Peter 3:1). What kind of life are you living before your husband? Does he see in you true Christian living? Are you cheerful, loving, loyal, and obedient? Some wives drive their husbands away from Christ because they don’t respect them. Instead of being cheerful and obedient, they are noted for preaching and nagging. Nothing breaks the spirit of a man more quickly than a nagging wife.

c) The Christian wife is to be a keeper at home.
Titus 2:4-5 says, “Teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home.”

The home is to be the sphere of the woman’s influence. There are too many families that have such a high standard of living that mother has to work away from home to help pay the bills. Then in the evening, when happy family activities should take place, mother’s energy is all spent, and pressing duties don’t permit her that happy fellowship. There may be some exceptions, but generally speaking, the father is to be the breadwinner and the mother is to be the keeper at home.

2. Duties of Husbands To Their Wives

a) The husband is to honor and respect his wife.
We are instructed in 1 Corinthians 7:3, “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence.”

The husband is to show due courtesies to his wife. It is pathetic to see how some young men can play the part of a gentlemen, be courteous, gracious, and show respect to young ladies when they are courting them—and then after marriage, they come home and scold and nag and become sullen and bitter. The Christian husband is to remember that it is no easy thing for his wife to keep house, care for the children, and experience the vexing things that come along with the daily duties of home life. Let the husband render to his wife due courtesies.

b) The husband is to consider her physical frailty.
1 Peter 3:7 admonishes, “Husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel.”

The husband is to keep in mind that his wife is generally speaking physically more frail than he. Each husband should be careful not to create additional unnecessary work for his wife. And yet when some husbands leave the house in the morning, it seems like a windstorm has gone through, and when they come home at night they are careless about dragging dirt into the house. If we husbands would close our doors and hang up our clothes we may have more pleasant wives.

c) The husband is to truly love his wife.
Colossians 3:19 says, “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.”

The husband is to demonstrate true affection for his wife. He should tell herthat he loves her, and he is to treat her with the same love and gentleness and kindness he showed her while he was courting her. How long is it, husband, since you remembered her with those little tokens of love (a box of candy or a bouquet of flowers) which you were eager to shower upon her during courtship days? If you have been neglecting this duty—go to your wife, apologize for your thoughtlessness, take out your family Bible, read the record of your marriage, and brighten up that old love! If husbands and wives would work as hard to keep each other as they once did to catch each other, most domestic home problems would be forever solved. The spirit of courtship needs to be continued throughout married life.

3. Duties of Children To Their Parents

a) Children should honor their parents.
God says in Ephesians 6:2, “Honor thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise.”
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It is the duty of every child to respect and honor his parents. If you are inclined to be ashamed of them, remember that they cared for you when you were altogether unable to care for yourself. We sometimes forget that our mothers endangered their lives for our sakes; we are ungrateful for the weary toil of our fathers; we fail to appreciate the many sleepless nights that they went through in order that we might be comfortable. All of us owe our parents honor and respect and courtesy.

b) Children should accept instruction from parents.
We read in Proverbs 1:8, “My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother.”

That admonition is very simple. Children can easily understand it. It is wise to heed the instructions of parents because the advice and mandates which Christian parents give are generally intended for the welfare of the child.

c) Children should diligently obey their parents.
Children are instructed in Colossians 3:20, “Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.”

One of the most beautiful Scriptures regarding the childhood of Jesus is the one which says, “He went down to Nazareth and was subject unto them.” If Jesus, the eternal Son of God, was subject to family authority, then certainly every child ought to obey his parents. One of the saddest New Testament Scriptures is the one that says, in the last days children shall be “disobedient to parents.” A child should never call his dad “the old man” and his mother “the old lady.” Children—treat your parents as you’ll wish you had treated them when you say your last goodbye to them and when you take that last look at mother and daddy as they lie before you in their caskets.

4. Duties of Parents To Their Children

a) Parents should teach their children.
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says, “And these words which I command thee this day shall be in thine heart; and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shall talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.”

Bear in mind that every child is born into this world with a sinful nature, and that the cute cooing baby in his cradle will soon demonstrate that he has a will of his own. He will lustily scream if he doesn’t get his own way. Thus every child needs to be taught diligently. Reading and quoting the Bible in your home should be just as natural as talking about the weather. Teach them the way of salvation. Read to them from wholesome literature. Memorize Bible verses with them. It is amazing how much truth a child’s mind can absorb.

b) Parents should be good examples for their children.
The passage in Deuteronomy 6:6 says, “And these words . . . shall be in thine heart, and thou shalt teach them.”

The Word of God must first be in the parents’ hearts! Children are great imitators. We have all seen little girls wearing the clothes of older persons. They want to be like mother. The best way to “train up a child in the way he should go” is to go that way yourself. Most children want to be the kind of man or woman their mother and dad is.
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c) Parents should discipline their children.
Proverbs 29:15 says, “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.”

The New Testament says that children shall be brought up in the “nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). The word for “nurture” actually refers to “discipline.” Some don’t use the rod, but if you want to ruin your children, just give in to their every desire and you can be assured that the job of ruination will soon be complete. I have seen children throw themselves on the floor and kick and scream and insist on getting their own way, and the parents said, “Let them alone, they must express themselves!” God have mercy on parents who fail to discipline and admonish their children. The Bible tells of God’s judgment on one family because the father (who was a good man engaged in the service of the Lord) failed to discipline his sons (1 Samuel 3:13).

May God help us to live “at home” so sweetly, so tenderly, and so lovingly—that the memories we make within our homes may be music in the heart, sweeter than the songs that angels sing, and may our family circles be unbroken in the world to come.

-By Harold S. Martin
Used by permission of Bible Helps, P O Box 391, Hanover PA 17331.USA
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WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Serious Caution In Growing Marriage!

Serious Caution In Growing Marriage!

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on October 16, 2017

Please note that you can avoid adultery-the most common attacks on marriage. It is within your power to do it, if you really mean it.
Carelessness is one of the major causes of affairs in marriage not the devil in the real sense of it as many people always claim when they fall into error. So abide with this following simple rules and you will never fall into adultery and it will also help you to adjust quickly in growing a lasting relationship.

1: Never make a member of the opposite sex your best friend with whom you share intimate discussions.

2: Never be with a member of the opposite sex at a time your spouse doesn’t know you are there.

3: Never speak evil about your spouse in the presence of anyone. they will know you are not happy in your marriage and take advantage of that by showing you insincere affections and give you what you lack with your Spouse and destroy you.

5: Never visit a website you will not be proud to tell your children and wife / husband you visited.

6: Avoid keeping secrets from your spouse, AFFAIRS thrive in secrecy.
>>>>>>>>>Also Read This: Tips for Newly Married Couples
7: Avoid confiding in the people of the opposite sex, there should be somebody of your sex you can talk to. don’t dig the grave of your marriage with your mouth.

8: Avoid collecting unsolicited gifts and favour from the opposite sex. They will ask for sex in return. they are not Father Christmas.

9: Avoid thinking that anybody is better than your husband or wife. you don’t know what their spouses are enduring at home. what you see outside is just show biz don’t be deceived. Grass is only greener in the other compound because it is far from you.

10: Divert all your sexual fantasy towards your spouse. He or she is planted in to your life to satisfy you and keep you holy.

11: Always remember that whatever every woman or man has in his or her body, your spouse has it too and they are not different from each other, only faces differ it is the same package.

12: Deal with any sexual thoughts that is not directed towards your spouse, kill it before it kills you. Sexual error doesn’t begin in the bedroom,it begins in the heart.

14: Before traveling have sex with your spouse and put your mind to it that you will not have sex until you come back. that decision may save your life and destiny.

15: Men, avoid looking at the front and back side of ladies and imagine what is there. It is stupid, childish and dirty to do that, that’s called lust, what is there isn’t different from what your spouse has, please don’t be stupid sir.

16: Walk in the company of good and Godly men/women. If you keep company with adulterers, you will become adulterous.

17: Discuss your sexual desires with your spouse and let it be met at home, don’t hunt for something that will hunt you later and hurt you deeply tomorrow, your wife/ husband has the best, get it at home.
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18: fill your heart with the word of God always, this will not give lust a chance in your mind.

20: Always count the cost of adultery, don’t just look at the pleasure, look at the pain, loss of integrity, how you will hurt your wife/husband, children, friends and above all GOD the almighty.

21: Always remember that the enjoyment, pleasure and the thrills in sex is just 8 seconds or less, it can not be more than that but its repercussions can last for eternity. Why trade eternity for 8 seconds, is there wisdom in that?

22: Pray regularly for your Spouse and your marriage. It is well.

BE FAITHFUL TO YOUR SPOUSE AND YOU WILL BE GLAD YOU DID.
God bless your marriage.
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WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Tips for Newly Married Couples

Tips for Newly Married Couples

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on July 18, 2017

Once you have decided to get married everything will revolve around the wedding day and making sure it is perfect. All your plans will need to be discussed and all the finances worked out. It will be expected that there will have to be some financial hardship in the run up as you will both want the day to be perfect. Nerves can become frayed and the relationship may seem to suffer but that will always be put down to pre wedding nerves. Once the big day has come and gone it will be expected that everything will get back to normal and you will have the perfect relationship you had beforehand.

It is now that the real work has to begin as quite often this will be the first time either of you has lived with anyone other than parents and siblings. Getting used to each other’s habits that may have either been not noticed or accepted as cute in the past when you only had to be confronted with them once a week can become annoying if they have to be endured day after day.

After the Wedding

From now on you and your partner are the people who are going to have to make all the decisions and ensure that the house runs smoothly. Everything that is done in the house has to be carried out by one or the other so decide early on how the workload will be split. At one time it was normal for the man to work outside the home and the woman to stay in the home so it was easier. Nowadays with both partners often working outside the house the housework has to be shared out.

Always treat each other as a best friend and not just as a spouse. Compliments should not end once you have tied the knot and just finding a minute each day to tell the other how special they are will keep you close and can make the other feel appreciated. It can be things such as “you are beautiful” but even remembering to say thank you for small favors will keep the relationship friendly and let the other one know you care.

Disagreements

There will be arguments and disagreements regardless of how long you have been married and there are good and bad ways to deal with conflict. There are occasions when there is not a simple solution and someone is going to have to lose. If you are making plans for a break and one wants to go for a week and the other a weekend, going for 5 days will be a compromise. If is it regarding going at all and one does not want to go anywhere and the other wants a break then one has to win and one has to lose. A simple solution to find out how important it is is to state how strongly you feel on the subject and grade it on a scale of 1-10. If it is really important to one then it may be best to go along with them. The main thing to check is if one partner always claims it is really important to them they are being selfish and always wanting their own way.

Always be open and honest about your feelings. A small argument can turn into a major row if you pretend nothing is wrong. If you are not prepared to listen to your partner when they have a problem they can easily turn to someone else. It may not be an affair or something that ends the marriage but once a friend knows more about how your partner feels than you do then it can be the beginning of a bigger problem.

Keep the Romance Alive

It is important to keep the romance alive so as you can always remember why it was you wanted to spend the rest of your lives together. Whereas you may have once had a candlelit dinner in a nice restaurant you can recreate the atmosphere in your own home. Keeping things light is also important. You may not be the funniest person in the world but if you can say something each day to make your partner laugh you will keep the relationship fresh and fun.

You may enjoy each other’s company but there is no need to spend every minute of every day together. Giving each other space can in fact bring you closer together. Just spending an hour or so in different rooms can give you time to yourself and mean that you look forward to being back together. Being able to do what you want to without fear of interruption will allow you to relax and recharge your batteries.

More Personal Issues

Accept your differences regardless of whether they are in or out of the bedroom. You fell in love with this person as they were so there is no need to try to change them. There may be little tweaks here and there but by and large no one wants to be told they need to change totally. If they suddenly get a list of things you don’t like, you may soon find that they are making a list for you.

The first five years have been considered to be the most crucial ones when it comes to setting a good foundation for a marriage. Marrying early can create problems and if there seem to be issues early on do not feel too embarrassed to go to a marriage counselor.

Money will not be important when you have plenty but as soon as it becomes scarce it is amazing how quickly the arguments will start. Don’t hide debts as it will be easier to stop them spiraling out of control. Don’t be ashamed to want a separate account as well as a joint one. It will be nice for both of you to have some money to spend as you please without worrying there will not be enough to pay the bills. When statements come in don’t be afraid to question an item. As long as you accept the same happening to you it can be healthy as it could be a mistaken deduction and if not questioned you could lose money.
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Finally don’t be afraid to discuss sexual issues. There may be things that you would prefer to happen or not happen but are frightened to say. Your partner may feel the same way but be afraid to mention it. Even if they don’t they may not mind the fact that you wish to talk about it. Be open and honest and find out what each other really wants.

In all areas of your married life make sure that your partner feels important. You have both given up the way of life you were both used to and now you have someone else to consider. Always be honest about the way you feel regardless of what the issue is and discuss how to rectify any problems. When you have had your discussions always make sure the other is OK with the outcome. This is the person you could be hoping to spend the next 40 years of your life with and if things start to go wrong early on they may never get repaired. BY COLLEEN CRAWFORD.
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WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE The Tragedy of Divorce and Remarriage

The Tragedy of Divorce and Remarriage

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on June 6, 2017

Divorce and remarriage is a monstrous evil and there is a pressing need for some clear teaching on the subject. We must be loyal to the Scriptures and not be carried away by the opinions of men.

When divorce has once taken place, it’s often impossible to undo the damage done. It usually results in such a tangle of complicated situations that no human being can unravel it. We speak with sympathy for those already tangled in a marital disaster, but we write specifically with the hope of helping to prevent the tragedy of divorce from happening to others. The knowledge that the Bible doesn’t permit divorce and remarriage, is a powerful factor in helping people determine that they are going to make their marriages work.

Divorce and remarriage is certainly not a new subject. It is as old as the Scriptures themselves. Divorce was a problem in Noah’s day; Moses had to contend with it; the question was brought to Jesus, nearly two thousand years ago. They said, “Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife?” John the Baptist lost his head because of divorce and remarriage. He had told King Herod that the woman he married was not really his wife, but that she was still the wife of Philip, her first husband. And this enraged the woman—and she took revenge!

1. The Scope of the Divorce Evil

Every year thousands of American homes are broken by separation and divorce. In 1887, there was hardly a divorce in the entire United States. In 1913, there were only sixty divorced couples in the entire country of Canada. But divorce has rapidly increased, until today in our country, approximately one marriage out of every three ends in divorce.

There was a time when divorce carried with it a stigma and shame—but no longer. The practice has become so widespread that when a grade-school teacher asked one of her pupils to give his father’s name, he said, “Which one, teacher, I’ve got three fathers.” One minister reports too that he thought it was hardly necessary to ask the two eighteen-year-olds who had come to him for marriage, the usual question, “Have either of you been married before?” (because they were both only eighteen years old)—but he asked anyhow. And he was shocked when the young man answered boldly, “Yes sir, we’ve both been married, but we’re divorced.”

The divorce laws in many states are so loose and so full of loopholes that marriage often becomes little more than a thirty-day free trial. One writer says that in some cases today, the wedding cake lasts longer than the marriage itself! In some states, all one has to do to get a divorce is to declare that the partner spilled gravy on the tablecloth, or that he washed his false teeth in the presence of company—and sometimes it doesn’t take the court as long to grant the divorce as it does to fine a man for speeding on the highway.

2. The Causes of Divorce and Remarriage

One of the causes is related to hasty marriages. Only a miracle can prevent a tragedy in the home when people marry, after they’ve known each other only a few weeks. Too many couples marry first and only then get acquainted.

Marriages between believers and unbelievers and between those of differing nationalities and races, often create problems in the home. One’s best chance for success in marriage occurs when he is a Christian, and he marries another devoted Christian, and when the married partners are of the same race, nationality, and religious faith.

Childless marriages sometimes contribute toward divorce. God wants husbands and wives to become fathers and mothers. And to refuse this great purpose of God (where children are physically possible)—leads to frustration and sometimes to broken homes.

Prayerless marriages are also a factor related to divorce and remarriage. Each married couple should begin a family altar at the very beginning of married life. If a young couple will pray, and ask God to lead them in their marriage (and will keep the family altar going down through the years)—there aren’t enough divorce courts in all the land to put their marriage on the rocks. There is much truth in the slogan, “Families that pray together, stay together.”

3. The Bible Teaching On Divorce and Remarriage

We must forget our sympathies at this point, and what we’ve heard others say, and what we’ve read in books—and listen to God’s Book seeking to discover what it says.

(1) Concerning Separation

The Scriptures say, “And unto the married I command (yet not I, but the Lord), Let not the wife depart from her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:10). The wife is not to leave her husband, and of course the opposite is also true, “Let not the husband put away his wife.” The Christian who has marital problems is to seek to “stick-it-out.” It might mean hardship and testing, but it’s best for the Christian not to leave his companion. However, Paul does say in verse 11 (of the same chapter), “But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband.”

While it is best not to separate—if a couple does separate, they are not free to remarry. The channel must always be kept open and clear, so that the relationship can be restored in the event the parties repent and decide to make the marriage work. Paul explains why (in verse 14) the wife should not separate from her partner: “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband.” In other words, the unsaved husband is set apart into a place where the influence of his good Christian wife may ultimately result in his salvation. As long as the Christian wife continues to live with her husband (and lives a devoted life before him)—she might be able to influence him for God. But if she leaves him and loses contact with him, she cuts off her one great opportunity for ultimately winning him to Christ. However if matters become so difficult that separation does take place (and this can happen)—the channels must be kept open for future restoration. Regardless of how incompatible the partners may seem to be, they are still husband and wife, and that union can only be dissolved by death.

(2) Concerning Divorce

Divorce is not even mentioned in the Bible until 2,500 years after the first marriage. It is true that God permitted divorce to the hard-hearted in Israel, but our conduct must be governed not by the evils which God suffered, but by the laws which He commanded.

Matthew 5:32 records the words of Jesus: “But I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away (that is, divorce) his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery, and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced, committeth adultery.” Jesus plainly says that divorce does not dissolve the marriage union as death does—for if it did, it would be unnecessary to say, “Whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.” The Scriptures in a number of places say that death dissolves a marriage, and that then it is not a sin to re-marry. If divorce would dissolve a marriage like death does, then it wouldn’t be adultery to be married to a divorced person. Jesus says that if one marries a person who is divorced, he is committing adultery. Divorce does not dissolve the old marriage.

Jesus also plainly says that one who divorces his partner, causes her to commit adultery—that is, he gives her a license in the eyes of the law to go out and re-marry and commit adultery—and this is another reason why divorce is wrong.

Even the exception-clause has to do with fornication and not with adultery. Fornication means illicit relations on the part of the unmarried, while adultery means illicit relations on the part of the married. It is true that the Greek word translated “fornication” sometimes widens out to include all kinds of immorality—but in Matthew 5:32 Jesus uses both the words “adultery” and “fornication” in the same sentence. And whenever the two Greek words (adultery and fornication) stand in contrast to each other (in the same setting), the word “fornication” always refers to impurity among the unmarried. And so Jesus did not make an exception for adultery, but for fornication.

Jesus spoke (in Matthew 5:32) not about a marriage divorce, but about an espousal divorce. Among the Orientals, engagement was a bond almost as binding as marriage itself. It took the writing of a bill of divorcement to break it. Even before the marriage takes place, the young woman is called “a wife.” This was true of the virgin Mary. She was called Joseph’s wife (and he her husband) even when she was only espoused to him. And when Joseph learned that she was expecting a child, he was minded to put her away (to divorce her). See Matthew 1:18-19. When Jesus said, “Except it be for fornication”—He was saying that if the young man found that his espoused wife (the girl he was going to marry) had been immoral before their marriage (that is, if she committed fornication), he could return the girl to her father with a paper of divorcement.

God does not approve divorce. There are a number of Scriptural commands and principles which a divorce always violates.

First, there is the command which says, “As much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men” (Romans 12:18). If I get a divorce from my wife, I am not doing all I possibly can to live peaceably with her. I’m doing all I can to live peaceably without her, but not with her.

Divorce also violates the command to forgive “until seventy times seven” times. Every divorce (no matter what the cause), demonstrates an unforgiving heart on the part of the person suing for divorce.

Divorce violates the promise to be faithful “for better or for worse.” We don’t hear much about this promise when things go better, but the promise to love and cherish the partner is not only for times when things go better—it is also for times when things don’t go so well. When we pledge (over an open Bible and in the presence of witnesses and before God) to be faithful “until death do us part”—we’re making a promise for life. The Bible says it is better not to vow, than to vow and not pay.

Furthermore, divorce violates the prohibition in the Bible against going to courts of law (see 1 Corinthains 6). One who applies for a divorce must sign a statement which in effect says, “The plaintiff prays that a decree of court may be given to (the married partner) divorcing her from the plaintiff’s society, fellowship, and company—and from the marriage bond, as if she were dead.”

Divorce violates the commands in the Bible to be separate from the world. One who seeks a divorce is following the example of Hollywood, and not the law of God. The whole tenor of the Bible is against divorce. It is unthinkable that the God who teaches us to forgive seventy-times-seven times (without limit)—would then teach that we may divorce our wives and put them away if we can’t get along with them.

(3) Concerning Remarriage

God never intended the remarriage of divorced persons. Jesus says, “Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, commits adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she commits adultery” (Mark 10:11-12). Paul says, in Romans 7, “So then if while her husband lives, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress.” And in 1 Corinthians 7:39, the Bible says that death is the only thing which can dissolve the marriage vow: “The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives, but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.”

The Bible gives no license under any condition for anyone to remarry as long as he or she has a former living companion. And so, to summarize—the Bible teaches that separation is permissible but usually unwise; divorce is always a sin; and remarriage is an additional sin.

(4) The Solution to the Divorce Problem

Persons dealing with the dilemma of divorce often insist that divorce and remarriage is a sin to be regarded and forgiven as any other sin—and indeed so it is. The Lord forgives the sin of divorce and remarriage just the same (and just as willingly) as He forgives any other sin. But remember that God expects the sin to be discontinued. When a drunkard gets right with God the Lord expects him to quit his drinking, and to give up his bottle. And just so, one who is remarried, and thus living in adultery, is expected to quit his living in an adulterous state.

Marriage to a second partner (while the first companion is still living), constitutes a continuous state of adultery. If a murderer accepts the Lord and is received into the Church—and continues to commit murder again—does he give evidence of the new birth? Does God forgive, when the sinner has no real intention of forsaking his sin? Just so one living in the state of adultery stands condemned before God. The only real solution for those already divorced and remarried—is the voluntary separation of the married partners. This is exactly what the Children of Israel did many years ago, during the revival under Ezra’s preaching. They said, “Let us make a covenant with our God, to put away all the wives . . . according to the counsel of those who tremble at the commandment of our God” (Ezra 10:3).

We can never say (of divorced and remarried persons), that there is no way. There is a way. The Church has always received divorced and remarried persons—if they separated and lived chaste lives apart from each other.

Some say, “But what about people who were caught up in divorce and remarriage before they were Christians?” They say, “Surely people should not be penalized for what they didn’t know, or for what they’ve repented of.” And further, “What if people are happily married the second time? Would it be proper to annul that marriage and break up homes?” To answer such questions, we must remember that Jesus made it clear that to follow Him might involve breaks in human relations. He said that even homes would became divided for His sake—and in strong language He said that those not willing to break family ties, are not worthy of Him. Read Matthew 10:37-39. To be separated on earth for a season (from family ties), is nothing, compared to missing eternal union with God. The way of the transgressor is hard.

Marriage is a serious step. The vows are witnessed on earth and they are recorded in Heaven. The Bible teaches that marriage is a lifetime contract, never to be broken except by death. There just isn’t anything about divorce and remarriage that God approves. His plan is marriage for life. Our prayer is that where brokenness and iniquity are evident, God will bring healing and restoration, and that His blessing will be upon children who are the innocent victims of broken homes, and that He will increase love in those homes not yet broken but which are standing on a shaky foundation.
By Harold S. Martin
Used by permission of Bible Helps, P O Box 391, Hanover PA 17331.

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE My Sons and Pornography

My Sons and Pornography

By Gideon in Blog, Life Sharing on January 28, 2017

I re-publish this article here after it was originally published by churchleader, to allow wider circulation with the hope that it will bring deliverance and healing to the captivated soul!

A Letter to My Sons About Pornography

“Pornography misshapes your vision of girls, whether you realize it or not.”

My Dear Sons,

The eye beholds much good and evil in this life. Beholding leads to becoming. What we continually put before our eyes and minds will shape and determine who we are. Images either tell the truth or lie, but they all speak. On top of this, our natural eyes are lustful things not easily satisfied (1 John 2:16). One lustful look can change us. One look can feed the monster within so that it rears up its ugly head looking for more.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE My Sons and Pornography
“Feed me,” he says. His appetite is fierce and unsatisfied. One look leads to another, and then to many more.

This is the kingdom of sexual lust—a world of soft porn and free porn—and secrets contained in cleared web browsers. What you behold, boys, you become. If you steep your tea too long, it becomes bitter. Likewise, if you sit and soak in pornographic fantasies, your life will have a bitter taste. At first the flavors might taste sweet, but bitterness will always be the end result. And the bitterness will be shared someday in your interactions with girls: how you think about girls, talk to girls, treat girls and pursue girls.

A WICKED EDUCATION IN SEX

Pornography misshapes your vision of girls, whether you realize it or not. And one day, pornography might affect your future wife. The women gleaming on the computer screen may not directly feel the effects of your lust, but they will indirectly, as you fuel the industry that enslaves and trafficks them.

But the images cannot feel the painful grief and loss a wife feels when her husband’s hidden sins are inevitably revealed. I plead with you to not let the tea steep that long; to not let one look turn into thousands of looks over the course of years. If this happens, you will taste the bitterness, my sons, and you will want to spit it out.

Lust distorts the glory of both biblical manhood and womanhood; it goes against the divine mandate in the garden of Eden. Men are to care for women—and provide and protect with humble strength—not exploit and dominate. Women are strong, capable and your equal, not objects to be used and discarded.

But the porn industry diminishes both men and women, and reduces them all the way down to simple actors of animal lust for pixilation, instead of celebrating them as complex and glorious image-bearers of their Creator. This is the consumer society we live in, devaluing human beings as they’re offered up for consumption. The porn industry is lining online aisles with a sexual zoo for viewing pleasure.

A FAR BETTER PLACE TO LOOK

You, my sons, are called by God to reject sexual consumerism. You are called by Christ to seek pleasure in him, and to pour out your life in selfless giving to God and to others.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE My Sons and Pornography
Jesus Christ is the opposite of pornography. Jesus lived a life of denial and sacrifice. No lust, ever. Sex for him was unnecessary, even as he imaged God perfectly. He became the least and the last in order to put us first. Pornography is self-exalting. It is putting your pleasures and desires first, before the glory of God and the good of others. Since Christ is the opposite of pornography, then look to Christ in your fight against sexual temptation and sin. When you behold Christ you will become like him.

“For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ” (2 Corinthians 4:6).

Look upon his face, and pornography will begin to look strangely dim.

A SAFE PLACE AFTER SEXUAL FAILURE

When Moses asked God to show him his glory (Exodus 33:18), the glory of God in the gospel of Jesus Christ had not yet been fully revealed. How much more glorious is it for you, when you ask God to show you his glory now after the cross and resurrection? You only have to read about this glory in God’s word, and meditate upon it in your hearts and minds. You will be changed. “How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word” (Psalm 119:9).

And if you are drawn into the illicit pleasures of the Internet, remember the words of Robert Murray McCheyne, “For every look at yourself, take 10 looks at Christ.” One look at your sinful self calls for 10 looks at Christ nailed to a cross for you. Being in Christ is the only qualification we need to behold his glory, even after we have sinned. He alone is the cure and the prevention for your sin.

BE THOU MY VISION

Remember what Jesus said in Matthew 6:22:

“The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light.”

A healthy eye connotes clear vision, and you will have a spiritually healthy way of looking at things (like the gift of sex). But your eyes can lie to you if you only see with them and not through them. The eye can distort your heart and mind if you are using it only to see what is directly in front of you. When your eyes are filled with the glory of God in Christ, you will clearly see through the distorting lies of lust.

Before Daddy and I had you boys, we planned our wedding. I wanted to play my favorite hymn, “Be Thou My Vision,” before I walked down the aisle. My prayer was that Christ would always be my vision in marriage, but now that prayer surrounds you both as well. I pray Christ would be your vision in all of life—that your eyes would be filled with glory leading to truth and life and joy. What you put before your eyes will change you. May it fill you with light, and not darkness.

Love,
Your Mama.
By Liz Wann. churchleaders
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WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE MY EXPERIENCE

MY EXPERIENCE

By Gideon in Blog, Life Sharing on October 25, 2016

OUR addition must not change our commission, because the Lord is blessing us greatly, and now has finally answer our prayers, this must not change or alter our sacrificial love for Him. Knowing that the Lord will always expect more from us than what He has given us in other to bless us beyond our expectations! So your prayer should be for more assignment that will bring His heavy hands of blessings upon your life !
Also in every generation God always depend on someone that will carry His name and glory to the next generation.
This is a story of a sister working in a big firm as a senior manager, she was highly respected for her dedication and passion for her contribution to the development of the company. But all of a sudden, she has a problem with the management and she was thrown out of the company.
To her, this is the end of world, and also considering her commitment to the lord, she felt that God has disappointed her.
But after a while, her Pastor ministered to her and been suffered for almost two years in this hopeless condition and unable to get another job.
One day the same company that sacked her suddenly called her telephone line, and this is how she was miraculously restored with promotion and she became a Director.
This is amazing, you said! but not quite long after six months of this miracle, things begins to happen! she can no longer sustain her Christian life any more, she no longer have time for weekly bible study and prayer meetings, her lamp of faith start going dime, the pleasure and commitment of the world finally snuffed life out of her.
At the end she got backslide…..very sad, you said!
More often we jubilate and celebrate every answered prayers with miracles and victory in our life, but the question is this, how sincere are we to this divine provision of God in our life?……is God at fault for answering your prayers?
I hope you don’t want to disappoint Him too? Hmm…..its dangerous to do that… because, His blessing upon your life is for a purpose, will you wake up now to serve Him more for more release of His power, blessings and also because of your love for him!
Paul Apostle said, “But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ.
Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one things I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before.
I press towards the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus -Philip 3:7,13-14.
Will you be able to control the blessings of God in your life or the blessings will control you? Choose rightly…choose wisely….choose eternal life!
God bless you.-Dr Oyedepo G O.

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Children At Early Stage

Children At Early Stage

By Gideon in Blog, Life Sharing on October 22, 2016

14 Things You Need To Teach Your Child(ren) At Early Stage.

1. Warn your girl child NEVER to sit on anyone’s lap no matter the situation including Uncles.
2. Avoid getting dressed in front of your child once he/she is 2 years old. Learn to excuse them or yourself.
3. Never allow any adult refer to your child as ‘my wife’ or ‘my husband’.
4. Whenever your child goes out to play with friends, make sure you look for a way to find out what kind of play they do, because young people now sexually abuse themselves.
5. Never force your child to visit any adult he/she is not comfortable with, and also be observant when your child is too fond of a particular adult.
6. Once a very lively child suddenly becomes withdrawn, you may need to patiently ask a lot of questions from your child.
7. Carefully educate your grown-ups about the right value of sex if you don’t want the society to teach them the wrong values.
8. It is always advisable that you go through any new materials like cartoon you just bought for them before they start seeing it themselves.
9. Ensure you activate parental controls on your cable networks and advice your friends to do likewise before your child(ren) visit them.
10. Teach your 3 years old how to wash their private part properly and warn them never to allow anyone touch those areas!
11. Blacklists some materials/associates you think could threaten the sanity of your child(this includes movies, monies and even friends and families).
12. Let your child understands the value of standing out of the crowd.
13. Once your child complains about a particular person, don’t keep quiet about it.
14. Watch your child (ren) when they are about to sleep or sleeping to check whether they are playing with their private part or not. STOP them from doing this,it may encourage self-service.
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