Category: MARRIAGE

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 7 Don't in Marriage!

7 Don’t in Marriage!

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on September 16, 2019

This article “7 don’t in marriage” is part of my practical experience in marriage of which I know that the young couples and older ones will need to carefully work on them, for rich and smooth relationship with little or no hitches that is capable of jeopardizing this beautiful institute of God.
Although your marriage is unique, but almost the same experience of them all especially if it is built on Christ the solid rock. Hence, this tips could be a manual for great and lasting marriage.

1. Don’t IGNORE your spouse.

Be serious, be careful at every complain from your spouse, be it personal or general. If you ignore often, this may result to act of insensitivity which may be dangerous at times, it may even cost life, while some may be irreversible and then you will continue to live with the scares permanently forever. There is need for you to deal with negligence and lackadaisical approach to issues and situations. Learn to always respond swiftly to every complain, a stitch in time saves nine.

2. Don’t DENIAL your spouse’s right to you.

Your heart, your thinking and your entire life exclusively belongs to your spouse- deny your spouse of this great right is a sign of silent and gradual divorce, the relationship will gradually be loosing his savor- heart broken will eventually set in, and you know the result is the opposite of the plan of God for marriage.

3. Don’t DISRESPECT your spouse-openly.

Honor begot honor and respect is a reciprocal, avoid relegating your spouse in any form it could amount to disgrace and the fabric of love will be tearing and wearing gradually.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 7 Don't in Marriage!
4. Don’t SUBDUE your spouse.

The fact remains that you are one flesh, but of two different destiny and one is bound to be greater in life than the other and your glory either are not equal from God and so He did not made a mistake for allowing you together. Accept the grace of God on individual, have the heart that, the success of your spouse is your glory and always appreciate God for this gift. The best you can do in life for your spouse is to help fulfill his/ her God’s giving vision.

5. Don’t DISCONNECT your spouse for any reason.

Should in case of doubt at any point in time in your marriage, always learn to hear your spouse out. Keep the knot strong and stronger, marriage is the only beautiful relationship you can ever have. Therefore, If you handle it properly it can prolong life with absolute tranquility.
Also Read This: Improving The Marriage Relationship
6. Don’t often PREEMPT your spouse.

Yes, you have known and trust your spouse very well, but sometimes you may need explanation for a particular action. But if you are so quick to presume in a matter, you may end up in becoming too haste and judgmental in your approach to an issue you ought to patiently ask for reason for better understanding. You can avoid hurting your spouse carelessly with gentile and loving approach at all time.

7. Don’t COMPETE with your spouse.

You are to compliment each other and not to compete, avoid generating unnecessary rancor. You are not likely to have the same needs met at the same time, yours may come later. Everything in your marriage is also yours including that of your spouse, therefore learn to always be comfortable with godly maturity to enjoy your marriage together. God bless your marriage/relationship. By Dr. G O Oyedepo
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WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Adjusting To Married Life

Adjusting To Married Life

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on August 1, 2019

Adjusting to married life could be an overwhelming time for a lot of newly married couples.
But you and your spouse can use this period to build a strong foundation for your marriage. A strong foundation will help you adjust to married life, and transition into life as a married couple.

Below are the 14 tips for adjusting to married life.

1. Money

What’s mine is yours, and what’s yours is mine after we tie the knot right?

Well, that’s how it should be anyways, especially with money!

Have the same checking and savings accounts, learn to agree on finances, start and work on a simple family budget.

Big adjustment there.

For us, ongoing frequent communication was key.

You each have a say in your money. It’s both of your money even if there’s only one income. This is a significant point about adjusting to finances in that first year of marriage.

2. Communication

He speaks male, and she speaks female. We know this, we hear about it all the time, right?

Being married and experiencing this is entirely different.

So many of our arguments that first year of marriage was due to us misunderstanding each other.
Even if you use the same word, the definition of that word may be different to your spouse.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Adjusting To Married Life
3. Selfishness to selflessness

I never realized how selfish I was until I got married.

You have to go from thinking about yourself, what you want to eat for dinner and how you want to live your life, to what do we want for dinner and how do we want to live our life. – Ashley

Putting each others needs before ourselves while keeping the balance so you are not a rug to be stepped on, or taken advantage of. This is a big part of not only surviving the first year of marriage but also having a happy and healthy marriage.

If you both put each other first, it will be a win- win. Learn how to become selfless.

4. Unity

Always remember, your spouse has your best interest. If not, why did they marry you?

In addition, if changing your name after marriage is but of your plans, do it right away.

5. Learning how to “fight fair”

I don’t even like that word because we never fight, we argue or disagree respectfully as mature adults should.

Fighting makes me think of screaming and yelling, name calling, hits below the belt, and things being thrown, or physical harm.

In our first year of marriage, we had a lot of adjusting to do in learning how to disagree in a healthy way because we both came from different families who had different ways of doing things.

6. Honesty
Be honest about your marriage expectations, discuss, and compromise with each other.

7. Boundaries with in-laws, family, and friends

Setting those boundaries of what’s acceptable to share about your relationship with your friends, in-laws, and family members, when they can visit, and how much time you spend with them is crucial.

No one loves your spouse like you do!

If they do something little and it pisses you off, don’t vent to your family member(s) who won’t be able to forget and forgive as easily as you.

Most problems that come up in marriage arguments are usually a misunderstanding or communication issue anyways (excluding any form of abuse or infidelity).

By setting these boundaries in the first year of marriage helps in building a strong foundation for your marriage.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Adjusting To Married Life
8. Romance

You have to communicate to each other what you need to feel romanced and loved, they can’t read your mind.

Compliment each other.

Keep the romance alive.

Don’t forget to really talk about things you enjoy, do things together and enjoy each other’s company.

Marriage is work, but it is also fun.
Marriage is spending your days and growing together with your best friend, lover, and partner in life; so enjoy them!

9. Personalities

You are two unique individuals with two unique backgrounds, therefore adjusting to marriage will require some effort from both of you.

You will have to learn to compromise with each other to ensure the success of your marriage.

10. Meals

Making dinner, lunch or breakfast was an adjustment for us; we are from two different countries.
Since you and your spouse are from two different families you will have some adjusting to do.

We had to find things we liked from each other’s meals, tried to mesh them together, and experimented with new recipes until we came up with meals we both enjoyed.

We love different foods from all over the world and try to make our own versions at home.
Healthy food was an adjustment, we are always striving to eat healthier, one of us knew more about the quality of canned vs frozen vs fresh vs organic.

You are what you eat so this should be a topic of discussion in your first year before the arguments over meals begin.

11. Life challenges and the unexpected events

We had a lot thrown at us in our first year of marriage. It really put our commitment to the test.
We learned to stick together and cling to each other when the storms came. We always planned ahead, especially with our finances.

Being there to lean on, and leaning on your spouse when you need to, that’s one of the best things about marriage.

You have a best friend whom you can rely on.

They are strong where you are weak, and you’re strong where they are weak. Be available for your spouse.

12. Time

Spend time together sharing your experiences about adjusting to each other as a married couple.

Remember quality over quantity. Your marriage needs to be nurtured so it can grow.

Time with your spouse should be a priority too.

13. Patience

Marriage adjustments take time, so be patient with each other.

14. Words

After you said “I do,” you are now a wife, a husband, or partner.

Let it sink in even when it feels or sounds weird.

Also, choose some forbidden words for your marriage.

The adjustments you go through is because:

You are a newly married couple.

You are two unique individuals with different personalities. You have your own way of doing things.

You have different family upbringing, beliefs, and traditions. Adjusting to marriage is a learning experience.

As a newlywed, you can use this learning opportunity to understand and learn more about your spouse.

Certain things that didn’t bother you in the beginning will start to wear on you.

Adjusting to marriage is something you should look forward to during the first year of your marriage.

Furthermore, you must be ready for change because marriage is completely different from dating or courtship.

Yes, change, the word some people do not like to hear.

And even worse, some people don’t think they have to go through it. But to excel at anything in life and marriage, you must be open to change!

Within the first year of adjusting to married life, you could easily become overwhelmed and confused about everything going on between you and your spouse.

It feels as if the marriage expectations you had prior to your marriage is completely opposite to what you are experiencing.
These expectations of marriage you have can make adjusting to married life very difficult for you.

Sometimes you might even wonder or doubt if you married the right person.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Adjusting To Married Life
Be calm

This is normal.

And the stress can be lessened by learning how to communicate with your spouse. Trying to understand them and adjusting to your marriage.
It happened to us too. But we stuck together and compromised with each other on our marriage expectations.

We had to both respect each other’s boundaries. We worked together to build a strong foundation for the wonderful marriage we enjoy today.

As humans, we all have our own way of doing things.

Before getting married, you are used to having your own space, your own car, your own money, making decisions on your own, etc.

He folds his clothes one way, she does a different way.

He organizes one way, she does another, or maybe one of you doesn’t organize at all!

Once you get married, you add another person (your spouse) to the mix.

And marriage adjustments must be made to create a happy, lasting, and healthy marriage.

Finding a way to mesh your differences together and compromising is where the learning curve begins.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Adjusting To Married Life
You both become ONE.

Your bedroom becomes our bedroom, Your closet, our closet, Your bathroom, our bathroom, Your money, our money, Your decisions, our decisions.

Use these marriage adjustments to start growing together, and building a strong foundation in the first year of your marriage.

In the first year of our marriage, adjusting to married life was not easy.

We had to make some marriage adjustments, settling into the marriage rhythm, and learn as we confronted our challenges in marriage.

Being on the same page, having our family theme, marriage goals, and understanding why we got married kept us going.

In addition, we read marriage books for couples. It’s one of the things we highly recommend for newlyweds.

Learn how to handle the adjustments you go through.

If marriage adjustments in that first year of marriage are not handled well, it is counter productive in setting up a stable marriage foundation.

After interviewing over 30 married couples, we have observed they all experienced some form of marriage adjustments during their first year of marriage.

Therefore, you and your spouse will have to learn how to synergize your differences to enjoy married life together.

With divorce rates so high, you want to do everything you can to ensure a successful, healthy, and happy marriage.

Credit: Marcus and Ashley

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE True Man in Marriage

True Man in Marriage

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on June 15, 2019

I saw this and couldn’t resist in publishing it here. A Recommended Therapy for All married men, And for those singles who are too self-centered to think beyond themselves and their physical endowments.

He was having his evening beverage

That’s when she joined him.

“Hi there handsome, you’re looking good. So fine I can eat you up” she said sitting down.

“I thought we agreed to keep away from each other? I am a married man” he told her.

” Come on. I won’t bite. You can’t resist me, no man can” she said.

“I am a married man” he told her.

“Fight all you want, but soon I will have you. I am way better than your wife” she told him.

“You are nothing compared to my wife” he told her off.

“Really? All this body. All these curves. All these sweetness. I bet your wife is not as good in bed as I am” she told him unbuttoning the top button of her blouse to reveal her cleavage, then lifting up her skirt, just a bit.

“If I was a lustful and unfaithful man, all that would move me. But I am too grown to be enticed by what you’re showing off. I am a grown man, you think all that consumes my mind is sex? And for your information, my wife is actually great in bed” he told her.

“How will you know unless you do me. Try me tonight. Let’s drive in your black car to a romantic hotel, I promise you a night you will never forget” she told him.

“You know what you are? You are lazy? A lazy woman” he told her, then took a sip of his beverage.

“How dare you call me lazy?! I am a high flying educated woman. Any man would give anything to have me” she said.

“Fair enough. But would you give anything to make a man?” He asked.

“What do you mean?” She questioned.

“You look at me and find me attractive. Yet you disrespect the woman behind who I am, you want me to cheat on my wife, the woman behind my attractiveness” said he.

He drank a sip and continued, “My wife is responsible for the man in me that you want today. When I had little, my wife believed in me. These suits you see me wearing, are my wife’s idea. I ask for her advice on what to wear.

My success has come to pass because she prays for me and puts up with my demanding work hours. She corrects me and moulds me and that has moulded my character.

The Range Rover you see me outside driving that you fancy, I bought that with my wife. She and I invested to buy our house. I look attractive and pleasant, because she treats me well and gives me peace.

And now you want to have the man that she made out of me and dishonour her? You want to have the man that she has built for years? You are lazy?”

Silence.

“I see you turning down the single men who want you and yet you want me, a man that another woman has made? No, it doesn’t work like that.

Find your own single man, believe in him, pray for him, support him, nurture him and mould him to be the attractive man you want him to be.

You women have a nurturing and helping gift. Activate your gift.

My wife has been busy building me and I will not leave her for a woman who has nothing to offer, but her sexiness.

So if you may excuse me, I need to drive home and take my wife on a date. She deserves the best” he said as he stood up and drank a last sip.

He reached in his wallet and placed K200 on the table.

“Have yourself a drink as you think about your life and how you’ll stop being lazy and find a single man you can build. My generous wife and I have paid for the drink” he said.

He walked away as she looked on; her lower jaw dropping in shock, “I thought that this world was void of principled men, I just met one,” the diva seasoned as she sobered up, nodding her head.

“This guy just schooled me. In 20 minutes this smart guy has taught me the most valuable lesson which I’ve never found in any one of the three prestigious Universities I’ve attended. How to find, invest in and make my own husband,
I need to find my own husband” she thought to herself as the gentleman sped off in his waiting Range Rover.

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE ARE YOU HAVING AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR?

ARE YOU HAVING AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR?

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on December 24, 2018

If anybody asks you this question, you may go angry or livid because it sounds so insulting. Why? You are never the type of person that would have an affair outside your relationship/marriage. Well, that is because you do not know what an emotional affair is.
Emotional affair does not involve sex. It happens to people who are in courtship or engaged or married but very fond of somebody else who is not their spouse but if care is not taken and brake applied, it can lead to full blown sexual affair.
Emotional affair does not only happen to people in bad, unhappy marriages. It can happen to happy couples, morally sound people and deeply spiritual individuals who love God with all their hearts and hate sin. It can even happen to great men and women of God. How then do they fall into emotional affair?
Emotional affair is not easy to detect at the beginning. It all starts as plain, platonic friendship with the opposite sex whom you exchange
ideas with and find admirable -that’s all. The friend can be a colleague at work, a fellow worker at church, a course mate, the secretary to the boss at the office or the next door neighbour. They
are someone you find attractive and enjoy talking to. If you treat them like you treat any normal friends with no strings attatched, there is no
problem but if you are SECRETLY fond of them, there is a BIG PROBLEM.
>>>>>Also Read This :5 Secrets Of Great Relationships<<<<<
Emotional affair starts rearing its ugly head if you are always eager to see them, anxious to hear from them and you feel sad if a day passes without getting in touch with them. It escalates when you begin sharing deep personal issues, especially
relational or marital problems and you find their words very soothing -it’s like Valium, you can’t sleep without it. It progresses when there is subtle flirty compliments (e.g. “Each time I see you, I always feel like hugging you and staying there forever” or
“Can I give you a peck please?”), sweet names calling and you never do anything to stop them infact, you love it and always look forward to hearing more from them. You idolize them while comparing them with your spouse who always
falls short. You see them as your comforter, healer and the only one who UNDERSTANDS you.
You begin to keep your conversations with them a secret from your spouse and deny every accusation of having any affair with them (since you are not having sex).
You have chemistry for them and always sexually charged when thinking about them or talking to them. Now, PULL A BREAK!!!
You are threading on a very dangerous path while consoling yourself that you are not having sex. Most people, especially good people, do not plan cheating or adultery, it “just” happened when all red flags are ignored.
Face the fact that your relationship or marriage is sick that is why you are attracted to someone else and fix the problem. If you do not deal with your relationship or marital issues, you will keep pursuing them and end up sleeping with them and that is the beginning of the end of your relationship or marriage.
Pull back from that person and avoid discussing anything personal with them henceforth.
>>>>>Also Read This :Courtship, Engagement And The Wedding<<<<<
Come clean to your spouse and let them know you are getting attracted to someone else and you need their help. (You don’t need to give them the full detail of your attraction).
Stop all chats, be very polite with their calls or ignore their calls altogether if you get tempted to go back. Understand why you fell into emotional affair and take precautions lest you fall into another one. Know that you are human and it is very possible to feel attracted towards the opposite sex, just don’t pursue your object of attraction. Set boundaries. Do not entertain ungodly relationships.
Have a full understanding of emotional affair and protect your heart from being tempted.
Remember the bible says: “Let he that thinketh he standeth, take heed, lest he fall.” 1Cor 10:12. Take charge of your life, do not leave your relationships to chance.
*To promote Godliness and preserve families which is God’s institution, share with all in your families and friends. You might be saving a Marriage or relationship from collapsing. This applies to married and single individuals both male and female. To tell you the truth this is how INFIDELITY starts…so be warned

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE MY WIFE, THE ENEMY

MY WIFE, THE ENEMY

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on November 23, 2018

I woke up from a very frightening dream of my wife pouring hot coals on my Bible. I am a pastor, the former General overseer of a blossoming ministry……My church was beginning to get noticed all around the country, you know that point, when it seem like you are the only one God was speaking to. That was the point I was when I began to have serious deep revelation about my wife.

Just as I got to church that morning , highly disturbed, Sis Chrstiana, a very fervent member of our church who was gifted in visions and prophecy knocked at my door.

“Pastor, there has been underground murmuring in the church, a lot of people have been having terrible dreams about Mama, I shut most of them up, until I saw something very similar this morning”

“What did you see, sis Christiana?” I asked in fear

“I saw Mama, Your wife Sir, carrying a sledgehammer breaking down the building of the church, till the whole church collapsed”
>>>>>>Also Read This:True Life Story Of A Pastor<<<<<<
“oh my God!, lord don’t let this woman destroy me, I also saw a revelation this morning, I saw her pouring hot coals on my Bible, I am finished, I have married the enemy of my destiny, but the devil is a mad man, he planted her in my life for over 15 years without her showing her true colours, now that my ministry is blossoming , the devil wants to use her to destroy all I have labored to  gather, God forbid!. Thank you Sis Christiana, I know what to do!”

You would not believe what I did, I went into a 21 days fasting with only one prayer point “ LORD, KILL MY WIFE”I was on a prayer mountain for 21 days and I refused to come down, all I drank for those 21 days was water. A strange sickness took over my wife, I started jubilating, so happy heaven had answered my prayer, I did not pay attention to her, 3 months after my prayer, my wife DIED.

HOW ELATED I WAS, the enemy of my life was dead. Sis Christiana and I became good friends, she introduced her younger sister to me, and I fell in love with her instantly, before long, I perceived she was the will of God for me. She was a very spiritual girl. I married her. On our wedding night, she woke me up…

“ Femi Durojaiye, wake up” she had never called me by my first name, but as I looked at her I saw an elderly woman on the bed instead of my young beautiful wife…

“Jesus, Jesus”

“Hey , Shut up, how dare you call that name, you murderer, listen, from today , you  are no more the  General overseer of your church. If you make the attempt of ever pastoring again.. we will kill you…”
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE MY WIFE, THE ENEMY
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Suddenly, just like in the movies three witches appeared in my room, Sis Christiana in the middle.. and Christiana spoke…

“ I have been in your church for 10 years as I had been assigned against you, because of the potential we saw in you, but your wife always defended you in the place of prayer, she was your cover, we needed to clear her away and the only one who could do it for us was you. We just needed you to declare it with your own mouth, and our master the devil worked on it.”

The elderly woman on my bed spoke  “ So, I am with you forever, we are already in a marital covenant, blood and soul tie covenant, wherever you go, I go ..so I will be monitoring your every move, so cooperate, hand over the church to a pastor I will introduce to you tomorrow and you will tell your members, the Lord told you to step down as the General Overseer.”
>>>>>>Also Read This: Confession That Shook Me<<<<<<
I did as instructed, and I watched how my big church crumbled before me as the satanic pastor destroyed the soul of my members, stealing their Glory. My new wife made sure she escorted me to my village, where she left me giving me strict warning never to come to the city again. She left me and for TEN years I have not seen her.
>>>>>>DO YOU WANT TO SHARE YOUR LOVE OFFERING WITH US HERE, JUST CLICK NOW<<<<<<<
I decided to write this story to let everyone know that we should discern all spirits, not all dreams come from God. Some have been projected from the pit of hell to send confusion into one’s Life. Also in marriage, no matter what you are going through with your spouse, never see your spouse as the enemy, the devil is the enemy.

Lastly, let wives be very vigilant spiritually, there are women who want to clear you out of the way so as to destroy your husband, always be prayerful about your own safety. Husbands pray for your wife, the devil that wants you to lose your wife is actually the devil that wants to remove your spiritual shield, so they can get you.

“BELOVED, DO NOT BELIEVE EVERY SPIRIT, BUT TEST THE SPIRITS TO SEE WHETHER THEY ARE FROM GOD, FOR MANY FALSE PROPHETS HAVE GONE OUT INTO THE WORLD” 1 JOHN 4:1

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WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE WHY ARE YOU IN RELATIONSHIP?

WHY ARE YOU IN RELATIONSHIP?

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on October 20, 2018

Literarily, I have been seeing disturbing pictures and stories of females who stay with men who are violent in the name of I LOVE YOU and I asked myself, a lot of times. At the expense of your life, why?

Now, this is the deal. No one is advising you not to be persistent in relationship as singles. I quite understand very well that there are spiritual manipulations in some marital cases but then I ask myself and tell people. Know when to step aside and when to stay in.

I remember some years back I was in a relationship and I suddenly discovered I had lost who I was and my sanity and person. While the so called guy was happy I was unhappy.

I was so blessed this wonderful Sunday morning as Dan Foster was on Inspiration FM playing a message by Bishop TD Jakes, after the message, I started telling myself you must be a fool. A guy you not even married to.

I took a good bath, dressed up and went for a good walk, around as this gave me room to think. I came back home feeling the best and started putting my heads in the right things and actions.

Now, females, these are the mistakes always rearing up that you make.

1. You don’t get involved in a relationship out of self pity.

2. You don’t get involved in a relationship because you think his being overprotective means love.

3. You don’t get involved in a relationship because you feel so lonely.

4. You don’t get involved in a relationship because you feel insecure and unprotected.

5. You don’t get involved in a relationship because you feel its too late.

6. You don’t get involved in a relationship because you feel others are doing it.

7. You don’t get involved in a relationship because that guy is fine and handsome.

8. You don’t get involved in a relationship because you want financial gratification.

9. You don’t get involved in a relationship because people think you should.

10. You don’t get in a relationship out of self pity.

Know the reason why you want to be in a relationship.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE WHY ARE YOU IN RELATIONSHIP?
Here are tips for you;

1. Sit down, analyse yourself and what you want in a man and a relationship with him (remember, if you are useless you will analyse having a useless man, if you are goaless, you will analyse being with a goaless man. Who you are is who you will get. Work on yourself).

2. Have a strong and sound relationship with God, ask for spiritual guidance and don’t jump ahead of spiritual guidance. Like some people do, before they are told wait. They’ve gone 10 steps ahead, then trouble starts.

3. Develop yourself, build your mind, build your attitude, build your character because in the end you will be able to say if I am not like that, I don’t want a guy like that.

4. Keep your body. It belongs to you. Any guy who says proof your love to me by having sex with me. Just in the word of Praise Fowowe “tell him to go dance naked 3 days in the market and highway to prove it”, because in the end when he snatches your dignity from you, nakedness is what follows.

5. Decide not to settle for anything less in choosing a godly partner.

6. Decide never to tolerate any form of violence, verbal abuse or physical abuse or emotional abuse.

7. Ensure you know not just his financial stability, but how he can handle his finances. I am not asking you to dot after rich men, but there is what is called family accounting system. Is he detailed, so you guys don’t run bankrupt, because of mismanagement. Remember you need to be a judicious spender too yourself to figure that out in him.

8. Make sure he has goals, visions, purpose, because if he does he will be busy creating a world with you to achieve that instead of jumping from skirts to skirts. More so, if he sees value in you other than sex, child bearing and chores the better. Add value to your own life so you can be valuable to him.

9. Know his stands on domestic violence. Know his anger level. I laugh a lot at people who say, he or she will change. Sorry, that’s an error. Its you that would conform to being miserable at the end, if not careful.

10. Be a friend of the Word of God. Constantly ask God, seek God, Know God. I had to repeat this again to make you see its necessity.

11. Don’t take an over possessive guy as a choice of partner. In the end they care less.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE WHY ARE YOU IN RELATIONSHIP?
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12. Ensure he is in love with his positive personality and also appreciates himself and not what people or females think of him. People who value themselves value others positively.

13. Don’t, don’t, don’t, fight over him. If he is worth it and deserves your love, you won’t need to struggle to have him. Ladies, I see fight ladies over guys to me are cheap skate, because if you fight a billion females, if he will sleep with a trillion he will still do it. Know your worth.

14. Ensure he references certain people in authority, because if he does not, you’re in for a big mess.

15. Be sincere with yourself. Create no idol in your heart towards any guy so you can think freely.

16. Get that ideology of love is blind out of your head. Love is not blind go read 1Cor 13. Its lust that blinds you from reality.

17. Be with a man who wants to correct your mistake in love. That way you progress. Not the one who sees you’re wayward and let’s you continue that way.

18. Sex gratification is not a relationship, stay away from guys who wants to use you for that. They are evil.
>>>>>Also Read This:The Truth About Living Together Before Marriage<<<<<
19. Don’t jump after so called spirit filled church activist. The ones who are in every department in the church, although its a blessing to have such but be careful, so pray and accept the one with God in his heart and is God’s choice for you.

20. Learn to control your emotions, feelings, desire and utterances.

21. Read good developmental books that would nourish your mind, spirit and develop your brain.

I pray God guides you in following Him for the right partner in Jesus name! Amen!
Written by :Tolu Eyinfunjowo.

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WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Courtship, Engagement, and the Wedding

Courtship, Engagement, and the Wedding

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on September 2, 2018

Marriage is not a human custom that gradually came to be accepted during the early history of mankind. Marriage is a God-ordained sacred institution, and it is intended to be a lifetime proposition. Jesus said, “Have ye not read that he which made them at the beginning, made them male and female, and said For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they twain shall be one flesh?”(Matthew 19:4-5).

Marriage originated at the time of creation; it is not a mere human invention. In Genesis 2:24 God says that a man should leave father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they two “shall be one flesh.” That text, given at the beginning of creation, says four things about marriage. Marriage is to be:

monogamous—one man, one woman; a man and his wife permanent—joined to one another speaks of a binding commitment, like epoxy glue heterosexual—given in the context of a man and woman (Adam and Eve)a separate unit—the word “leave” means “to abandon the former relationship”

1. Courtship

The Bible encourages young people to consider marriage—and certainly it is unwise for people to suddenly marry, without ever having paid any attention to each other, or without really getting to know each other. Therefore we approve of courtship among young people—but there are some instructions that need to be passed along to youth.

a. The dangers of courtship

There are many pitfalls during the years of courtship, but the most menacing danger is related to habits which can lead to sexual intimacy.

The primary reason why many marriages end in disaster is because during courtship the couple becomes too involved in their physical attraction for each other. They don’t really get to know each other as persons because the sexual attraction becomes predominant. It is very easy to overlook even obvious personality defects, since so much pleasurable emotion comes from the activities of touching and embracing (necking and petting). At those moments—when the passions are aroused—who cares about personality defects?

The sex experience is beautiful and right—but only within the bonds of true and honorable marriage. Why within marriage? Because God knows that the physical relationship between a man and a woman might lead to the birth of a child—and that the child will only get the proper nurture within the family situation of a godly marriage. The Bible says that “marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled, but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4).

In the Bible, fornication (sex experience before one is married) is classified as being equal to stealing and murder and idolatry. Most Christians would never think of committing murder—taking the life of another person—but God says that fornication is equally wicked.

What most people during courtship don’t seem to understand—is that touching and embracing (necking and petting) are simple acts designed to pave the way to excite the passions for the ultimate act of sexual intercourse. Step by step—if these habits are started, you’ll likely push back the barriers of what you permit—until it is almost impossible to avoid the act of fornication.
Also Read This: The Tragedy of Divorce and Remarriage
Many young persons don’t seem to recognize the principle in human behavior which is known as “the moral law of diminishing returns.” The law simply says (when related to courtship practices) that once a couple has proceeded to one level of intimacy, it is almost impossible to return to a less intimate level. The couple who progresses from holding hands to the act of touching and embracing—can scarcely ever return to the less intimate level and be satisfied.

And so a dating couple should enjoy each other’s presence—carefully avoiding familiar intimacies that could tempt each other beyond the power of self-control. Those people who can’t seem to get enough of each other before marriage (spending evenings pawing all over each other)—are often the very ones who have all kinds of conflicts after marriage.

One of the best safeguards to a pure courtship is a well-planned date—an evening filled with activities that are all planned—things to do and places to go that are planned in advance.

Visit the homes of lonely people in your community, especially the aged and widows and shut-ins. They enjoy having a group of energetic young people singing a song, engaging in conversation, or letting a word of testimony. Plan activities with the family at home. Spend time together cooking a meal, making candy, popping corn, looking at pictures, or playing simple games. Spend at least part of each dating period reading and discussing a passage of Scripture. Both can agree to read the same portion of the Bible at the same time each evening of the week. There’s something special about knowing that your special friend is doing the same thing you are doing at exactly the same time, even though separated by many miles.

These are things to do, and places to go, in order to make your courtship constructive and filled with purpose.

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Courtship, Engagement, and the Wedding

b. The choice of courtship

The Scriptures are clear: believers are not to even consider marriage with unbelievers under any circumstances at all. The Law in Israel forbade intermarriage with persons from the non-Jewish nations round about them (Deuteronomy 7:3). We are not to marry pagans. Believers are not to give their daughters to unbelieving boys or their sons to unbelieving girls. The New Testament commands the same thing. We are not to be “unequally yoked together with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14).

To those who are not yet married, we must say this: Those who seek your hand in marriage might be generous and well-trained and handsome—but unless they are children of God by faith in Jesus Christ (not necessarily members of your church), and are concerned about obedience to the Scriptures (and give clear evidence of knowing the Lord)—you must not even consider dating [courting] them. Failure to observe this basic law of God has led to shipwreck in thousands of homes—and any girl who marries a young man with the idea that she will change his undesirable traits after the ceremony, is only inviting disaster! If a person is not honest and trustworthy before the wedding day, the words of a marriage ceremony will not change him. If he is careless about handling money before marriage, he will likely exhibit the same characteristics later on.

There are other instructions related to choosing a good partner. Sometimes I’ve been asked the question, “How can I know when I’m in love with the right person?” There is no formula that can be used to accurately answer that question—but here are some statements that will be true about the two of you if you are intended for each other:

1. There will be a feeling that you’ve been lifted to a higher spiritual level through the association with your special friend. One young man said, “Every time I’m with her, she inspires me to become a better person.”
2. You will have confidence and trust in your special friend, and will not really have a desire to date other persons. True love creates a “we” feeling.
3. You will want to see and meet and know your partner’s parents—and brothers and sisters and relatives and friends.
4. You will have respect for the one you love—respect for that person’s beliefs and convictions and moral standards. These things will be more important than his or her physical attractiveness.
5. You will be lonely when circumstances require the two of you to be separated. You will long for the day and the hour when you can be together again.
6. You will hurt when your special friend is hurt or criticized. You will rush to the defense of your friend and seek to support him (or her).
7. You will want your children to have the character qualities and attitudes which are evident in the life of your special friend.

If each of you is bubbling over with these seven characteristics, it is quite evident that love between the two of you is really growing. And remember that true love can thrive without physical contact. If you can’t be together without hugging and holding and squeezing—something is wrong. The base for your companionship is too shallow. Your interest must be in the total person, not merely in his or her physical charms.

If you took a trip together shortly after your marriage—and you were in a car accident—and the body of the girl (or the boy) you just married is really battered—and her face is re-arranged—and the doctor says “She will never quite be the same,” would you still be able to love her and take care of her? True love is concerned about the total well-being of the potential partner, and is not merely a romantic dream about spending eternity in each other’s arms!

2. Engagement

All of us have read the account of the engagement of Joseph and Mary, as it is given in Matthew 1:18-25. “Engagement” is a definite mutual agreement between a courting couple, stating that they will plan for and look forward to marriage. They prepare for marriage by further testing their love, further learning to make adjustments, seeking to correct faults, and making plans for the wedding day.

The couple should only enter into the betrothal period after much prayer, and with the full confidence that God has been leading. There’s a new joy and thrill that comes when planning things together—thinking about the future together. This new, closer companionship will help determine whether your partner’s love is really genuine, or whether it is only a clever imitation.

Sometimes when a young man becomes engaged, he thinks that because the matter of whom he is going to marry has been settled—he can now relax and let his ordinary behavior surface. He may have previously been play-acting. For this reason, sometimes, one (or both) of the partners realizes that the engagement was a mistake (and this is not to encourage breaking engagements)—yet while engagements should not be taken lightly, it is far better to break an engagement than to seek a divorce after marriage.

a. Qualities that should surface during engagement

A prospective marriage partner should have a strong faith in God and should accept the teachings of the Bible as his rule for life—including the practices of nonconformity and nonresistance.He should possess self-confidence, not with an air of superiority thinking he knows it all, but with a positive feeling that he is going to meet and work through life’s problems.He should manifest self-discipline, exercising reasonable control over his temper, his words, and his bodily appetites.He should have ambition and purpose, showing a sense of responsibility toward work, and toward getting things done on time. He should be willing to admit his mistakes, take responsibility for them, and vow to profit from them. He should have mature ideas about how to handle money. He should not be a miser who saves every penny, nor should he be a careless spender, spending everything as fast as he earns it. He should reflect a sense of respect for his home, his parents, and his brothers and sisters.

And of course, any person who looks for those qualities in a potential marriage companion should work diligently to develop those same qualities in his or her own life.

b. Purposes for the engagement period

Engagement is:

a time when you prove your love, and guarantee that you are a team, and are both going in the same direction.a time when you discover in each other an increasing companionship and a growing respect and admiration for each other.a time when you make plans for the wedding and the household that will be established.a time when you discuss such matters as how the money will be handled, how family worship will be conducted, who will take the garbage out, where you will live, and to which church you will belong. The Bible and wisdom teach that it is best not to live at either parental home. To “leave” father and mother—means to abandon the former relationship, not to dishonor father and mother.a time to learn about the more intimate things of marriage—including sexual activity and the birth of children. Seek the counsel of someone in whom you have confidence and speak about the details. A helpful book on the subject (from a Christian perspective, for persons who will soon marry) is “Sexual Happiness in Marriage” by Herbert J. Miles.
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It is very important to remember that just because you are engaged, you are not free to explore each other’s bodies. Sexual relationships are for cementing the marriage relationship into a strong and permanent bond.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Courtship, Engagement, and the Wedding
3. The Wedding

When it comes time to plan the wedding, determine to let the occasion be marked by simplicity and modesty. The money spent for a showy wedding is not an investment that will pay dividends; it is money spent that is gone forever. Think of the thousands of people in Africa and India who are dying this week.

The wedding is an important ceremony because marriage is a sacred event. Jesus says that at the time of marriage, the couple leaves father and mother and they cleave to each other. They are no more two, but one flesh (Matthew 19:6). Just as Satan tries to take Christout of Christmas and the resurrectionout of Easter, so he seeks to take the deeper spiritual essence out of the wedding ceremony and put trivia there instead.

a) The wedding event is often too elaborate and expensive.

The average formal wedding today, among many circles in the Western world, involves decorations and gowns and suits and invitations and postage and pictures and a reception—so that the cost often falls between $5,000 and $10,000 and even more. Yet we are aware that a wedding ceremony can be beautiful and impressive and sacred without blindly following the routine cultural patterns.

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Courtship, Engagement, and the Wedding

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There are ways to keep the cost of a wedding in a more moderate range. Here are some suggestions.

1) Buy (or make) a nice mid-calf length dress for the bride, and wear it occasionally after the wedding day.
2) Have only a limited number of attendants for the wedding ceremony, and request that the attendants wear clothing which they can wear after the wedding day.
3) Write your own personal notes of invitation instead of sending expensive engraved invitations.
4) Consider limiting the reception to a light snack instead of a full meal. Weddings would be a lot more Christian if they were a lot less elaborate!

There is beauty in simplicity. A wedding is not intended to be a fashion show. It is to be one of the most sacred of all Christian services. The serious purpose of binding two hearts and lives together for a lifetime of home-building must not be lost in the midst of the formality and display of an elaborate wedding procedure. It does not cost much to walk to the front of a church auditorium, and seriously repeat the marriage vows, and then kneel together and pray.

b) The wedding event is often built around the bride.

The typical wedding in many cultures is saturated with matriarchcalism. It centers on the bride, and thus violates the Bible principle of mutual love and dignity that should surround both parties in a marriage.

In some circles, the wedding format is something like this:

The people begin to arrive in the church building; there is quiet pre-ceremonial music; the ushers seat the women; the men tag along behind like frightened little puppy dogs. After a few musical selections, the clergy, the groom, and the best man appear from somewhere at the front of the church auditorium. Then, down the aisle come some sweet little girls carrying flowers, followed by some sweet big girls clad in beautiful dresses (often very immodestly designed); and finally—the big, important, momentous occasion arrives! As the rear door opens—and in answer to the call of music—finally, here comes the bride!

All eyes are glued on the bride; the people smile and everybody stands; all eyes watch the bride’s movements very carefully. After someone “gives away” the bride, the people sit down—and from that point the ceremony is in charge of the officiating minister.
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It would be much more in keeping with mutual love if the bride and the groom would walk into the auditorium together—or even for the bride to come via one door with her parents, and the groom come via another door with his parents—and the two meet together at the altar, facing the minister in charge. In the Christian wedding, the worship, honor and glory should be directed toward Jesus Christ, not toward the bride.

After the ceremony the newly married couple should be allowed to greet guests, and then leave the scene of the wedding in peace—with the echo of their vows ringing in their ears, the good wishes of their friends lingering in their hearts, and the blessing of God upon their marriage.

When two people stand side by side and promise to love and cherish each other until death separates them—it’s not hard to believe that the angels in Heaven hush their songs for a while, and stand in awe as they listen to the solemn vows. May God help each young person to find joy in living, whether your lot in life involves marriage, or whether in the providence of God you happen to remain single. To those who have never married, and you are somewhat older, the right person might still appear on the scene—but if not, don’t become discouraged. It’s better to want what you don’t have than to have what you don’t want!

By Harold S. Martin
Used by permission of Bible Helps, P O Box 391, Hanover PA 17331.USA
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WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE CHRISTIAN AND DATING SERVICE

CHRISTIAN AND DATING SERVICE

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on August 12, 2018

I got this article online and hope it will help you!

Question: “Should a Christian use a Christian dating service to find a spouse?”

Answer: The Bible doesn’t talk about dating services. In fact, it doesn’t even tell us how to “date” or “court,” or whatever term we use for the process we use to get to know a potential mate. In the Bible times, dating did not exist in the same form that we see it today. Back then, families helped young women and men meet and become engaged and often chose their children’s mates for them. Today, while familial involvement is still the norm in many cultures, in many others, singles are more on their own to find a mate. Some singles don’t bother to look for a spouse, believing God will bring the person to them, while others are forever on a search for one, fearing they may miss him or her. There should be a balance, as we remember that God is perfectly loving (Ephesians 3:18; 1 John 3:16-18) and perfectly sovereign over every situation, desire, and need (Psalm 109:21; Romans 8:38-39). God uses our choices, other people, and sometimes even modern technology, to bring about marriages.

Before a Christian single considers any of the “newer” methods of finding a spouse like using a Christian dating service, it’s helpful to consider whether we may be engaging in any self -defeating behavior. Is it possible we are being too picky, looking for the fairytale prince or princess, and by doing so, limiting the possibilities of what God may know is best for us and which we have not yet considered? Are we not being picky enough, forgetting that God calls all Christians to marry only other Christians (2 Corinthians 6:14), or are we considering someone who is stuck in a serious, life- altering sin that could endanger the marriage? A Christian man should take the lead in relationships and making sure their relationship glorifies Christ in all things.

A Christian woman should let the man take the initiative as the leader God made him to be. And, finally, as believers, we should be able to stand on our own two feet, relying on the Lord to fulfill us rather than feeling a need to be married in order to be whole. Once we have these common struggles sorted out, we can begin to pursue a woman, or be pursued by a man, with an eye towards marriage.
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As in all decisions, we should ask God to direct us clearly. It can be difficult to meet single Christian men and women, especially if most of our friends have already married. We can put ourselves in a position to meet other Christians by looking for a church singles group. We may want to volunteer for a cause we care about or join other groups, being sure that we are doing it because we enjoy it, not just because we want to meet as many potential mates as possible. Some people prefer to meet their spouse through friends, family, or in a chance meeting out in the world, and many do just that. But others believe they are limited in the people they meet because of their profession, the size of their city, or the nature of their activities. For these people, it may be wise to consider other methods. Some of the modern methods of finding a mate include internet or online dating, professional matchmaking services, and speed dating. Each has its pros and cons, and none is right for everyone. Before beginning any of these methods, we should begin in prayer, asking God whether it is the step He wants us to take.
Internet dating is currently the most popular alternative way to meet singles. There are several Christian dating services as well as secular services that allow users to limit their searches to Christians. (Please note that Got Questions Ministries does not endorse any particular Christian or secular dating service site).

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE CHRISTIAN AND DATING SERVICE

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One major downfall of internet dating is that you can never be sure who is being honest and who is pretending to be someone they’re not. The result of a deception can be humorous, but it may also be deadly. It’s a good idea to never answer any communication from someone from another country, unless you are able to conduct an extensive background check on him or her. Some of these people are trying to con the men and women they meet. Be careful about any personal details you share via online communication. It is also wise to meet the person face -to-face before becoming too emotionally intimate via email communication. When you do meet for the first time, do so in a public place— never allow them to drive you anywhere or take you somewhere where you will be alone. It is wise to plan a double date, so that a close friend can offer his or her opinion on this (let’s face it) complete stranger. Listen to your instincts and get away fast if you ever feel you are in any danger. Warnings aside, though, many happy Christian marriages have come out of internet dating.
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Professional matchmaking services are usually safer than internet dating, but are less popular, and don’t always have a very large pool of people to choose from. They can also be more expensive, usually involve more extensive applications, and require some type of background check. But, if done safely and wisely, professional matchmaking can potentially lead to a successful Christian marriage.

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE CHRISTIAN AND DATING SERVICE

Speed dating is where singles circulate systematically through a room of tables in order to assess a potential date in only a few minutes per rotation. At the end of the night, they turn in a card that indicates with whom they would be willing to be matched up. The couples who have mutual interest will receive each other’s contact information. Again, if done safely and wisely, this can potentially lead to a successful Christian marriage.

In all of the choices we make, though, it’s crucial to remember that it is God— not us— who brings us together with a spouse. As simple as it may sound, we shouldn’t have to work to find our spouse; we should be living out our lives with any desires for a spouse on the back burner and our desires for knowing God at the forefront of our hearts.
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Seek God and He will fulfill (or change) your desires (Psalm 103:5; Romans 12:2) in His perfect way and His perfect time (Romans 5:6; 8:26-27). Would we want it any other way? Look at the story of Isaac and Rebekah and how God brought them together (Genesis 24). It was sovereignly planned and controlled by God. God holds our every moment in His hands (Psalm 31:15), and He will not let us slip through the cracks of His gentle fingers. He cradles our lives and our hearts in His hands, and He will not forget His children. If God has intended marriage for you, He will bring it to fruition and will be faithful to guide you in your role in bringing it about. In the meantime, seek God in what He has for you now. God has a purpose for each of us, single or married, and it is a shame to miss living His purpose fully for you in whatever season you are in by becoming too focused on whatever season He has in store for you next.
Courtesy: Got Questions Ministries.

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WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE YOUR MARRIAGE CAN SUCCEED

YOUR MARRIAGE CAN SUCCEED

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on May 25, 2018

Quiet. Do you hear that? Do you hear those two clamoring voices in the background? It sounds like they are talking to one another but neither one is listening. How can they hear one another if they are both talking at the same time? How can they learn the other person’s point of view if they are both talking at the same time? How can they resolve the issue if they are both talking at the same time? They are not interested in hearing and understanding their beloved spouse’s point of view. Instead, they want to vehemently unleash their anger, frustration and disappointment upon one another. So as their spouse talks, they zone out. They hear each other but they really do not hear each other. They are destructively elevating their voice so that they can hopelessly get their point in.

Oddly enough, their views on the subject are not that far apart. However since they are not listening to one another, they are unable to receive and truly evaluate their beloved spouse’s point of view.
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James offers a solution to this counterproductive communication when he encourages us “to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger”. (James 1:19) James is challenging us to deny our selfish fleshly desire to unleash our fury upon our spouse and listen to one another. But you say “I don’t want to listen”. I agree. Who wants to listen when they are mad? However, it is listening that is the catalyst for identifying the issue from both parties perspective and then finding an agreeable solution. How many times have you spent hours arguing with one another without knowing the true issue? How many times have you ended the argument without a solid solution? How many times have you engaged in the same heated discussion over and over again?

By listening, we have the opportunity to hear and evaluate our beloved spouse’s view while learning their heart and becoming the “one flesh” the bible speaks of in Genesis 2:24. Sure, we will not agree with one another all of the time. But at least we understand each other’s point of view which provides us with the opportunity to find a prolonged solution that works for the both of us.

In addition, it is easier to manage our temper if we are listening attentively. Unbridled anger tempts us to say and do irrational things. We love our spouse but in the heat of the moment, we attempt to transfer our pain and frustration about the situation to our spouse. So we call them a name. We remind them of their various faults and short comings. We slam our fist against a wall or table. We shove or hit them.

Don’t let anger get the best of you. Learn to recognize when you are getting hot before your pot boils over. Just because you are angry does not mean you have to act upon that anger. The bible says “be angry but sin not”Ephesians 4:26. That may require you to swallow some pride, hold your tongue and walk away until you calm down. I know that sounds weak but it is a strong man or woman who can control their emotions. It is a strong man or woman who can recognize their boiling point and then take the necessary steps to squelch it.
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Now let me get gender specific here. Ladies, if your husband recognizes that he is reaching that boiling point and begins to walk away, let him go. Don’t walk behind him hurling insults that you know will attack his character and increase the temperature in the room. Sticks and stones WILL break our bones and words DO hurt.

After you have walked away, the conversation is not over. You may not want to talk about it any more but in order to resolve the issue and strengthen the relationship, you have to return and address the issue. It would also behoove you to take the initiative in restarting the conversation. You are the leader of the home and the one who walked away. Thus, it is your responsibility to restart the conversation. I know that it is easier to sweep the issue under the rug. Unfortunately those issues do not stay under the rug. They slowly ease their way out causing distance, enmity and resentment in the relationship.
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We do not have to live this way. When the inevitable disagreement arises, we encourage you to attentively listen to one another before you express yourself in words or actions that you cannot get back. While powerful, anger is not overwhelming. We can control our tempers. The key is recognition followed by productive action. Apply these steps and watch Your Marriage Succeed.
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Also share your experience with us in the comment box below, God bless you and your marriage!

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE The Christian Home

The Christian Home

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on January 25, 2018

The nearest thing to heaven on earth is the Christian family and home, where husband and wife, parents and children, live together in love and peace, devoted to God and to each other. By way of contrast, the nearest thing to hell on earth is the ungodly home, broken by sin and iniquity, where parents quarrel and bicker and separate, and where children are given over to the forces of wickedness to be brought up with scarcely any training at all.

The word “home” likely takes your mind back across the years, and for some the mind goes across hundreds of miles of space—to the spot which will be forever hallowed in your memories among all places on earth. You are reminded of the place where you grew up as a boy or as a girl, playing around the yard with brothers and sisters and neighbor children, and where you sat around the old range stove on a winter evening with your mother and dad and the rest of the family. There are several things about that old home-place which are not true about any other spot on earth.

In this message we want to see what the Bible says about the duties of the various members of the family to each other and to the Lord.

1. Duties of Wives To Their Husbands

a) The Christian wife is to be subject to her husband.
Ephesians 5:22-23 says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church.”

Marriage is not a 50-50 proposition. The husband and the wife are not to bejointly in the place of headship. Our Lord plainly says, “The husband is the head of the wife.” This does not mean that the wife is less important in the home than the husband or that she is to be a slave of the husband, but it does mean that she is to submit to the leadership role of her husband. The only exception would be if he asks her to violate clear scriptural teachings (Acts 5:29).
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The Lord commands husbands to love their wives, and if the husband loves his wife as Christ loved the church, she will have no difficulty with being subject to him. When problems arise (and they will arise), they should be carefully discussed together. A vote should be taken. If both agree—good. But in the case of a tie (the wife votes one way and the husband votes the other), then the husband should cast the deciding vote. The husband should assume the final leadership in the home.

b) The wife is to respect and admire her husband.
Ephesians 5:33 says, “Let every one of you (husbands) . . . so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

The wife should respect her husband. This seems to be true even for the wife who has an unsaved husband (1 Peter 3:1). What kind of life are you living before your husband? Does he see in you true Christian living? Are you cheerful, loving, loyal, and obedient? Some wives drive their husbands away from Christ because they don’t respect them. Instead of being cheerful and obedient, they are noted for preaching and nagging. Nothing breaks the spirit of a man more quickly than a nagging wife.

c) The Christian wife is to be a keeper at home.
Titus 2:4-5 says, “Teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home.”

The home is to be the sphere of the woman’s influence. There are too many families that have such a high standard of living that mother has to work away from home to help pay the bills. Then in the evening, when happy family activities should take place, mother’s energy is all spent, and pressing duties don’t permit her that happy fellowship. There may be some exceptions, but generally speaking, the father is to be the breadwinner and the mother is to be the keeper at home.

2. Duties of Husbands To Their Wives

a) The husband is to honor and respect his wife.
We are instructed in 1 Corinthians 7:3, “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence.”

The husband is to show due courtesies to his wife. It is pathetic to see how some young men can play the part of a gentlemen, be courteous, gracious, and show respect to young ladies when they are courting them—and then after marriage, they come home and scold and nag and become sullen and bitter. The Christian husband is to remember that it is no easy thing for his wife to keep house, care for the children, and experience the vexing things that come along with the daily duties of home life. Let the husband render to his wife due courtesies.

b) The husband is to consider her physical frailty.
1 Peter 3:7 admonishes, “Husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel.”

The husband is to keep in mind that his wife is generally speaking physically more frail than he. Each husband should be careful not to create additional unnecessary work for his wife. And yet when some husbands leave the house in the morning, it seems like a windstorm has gone through, and when they come home at night they are careless about dragging dirt into the house. If we husbands would close our doors and hang up our clothes we may have more pleasant wives.

c) The husband is to truly love his wife.
Colossians 3:19 says, “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.”

The husband is to demonstrate true affection for his wife. He should tell herthat he loves her, and he is to treat her with the same love and gentleness and kindness he showed her while he was courting her. How long is it, husband, since you remembered her with those little tokens of love (a box of candy or a bouquet of flowers) which you were eager to shower upon her during courtship days? If you have been neglecting this duty—go to your wife, apologize for your thoughtlessness, take out your family Bible, read the record of your marriage, and brighten up that old love! If husbands and wives would work as hard to keep each other as they once did to catch each other, most domestic home problems would be forever solved. The spirit of courtship needs to be continued throughout married life.

3. Duties of Children To Their Parents

a) Children should honor their parents.
God says in Ephesians 6:2, “Honor thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise.”
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It is the duty of every child to respect and honor his parents. If you are inclined to be ashamed of them, remember that they cared for you when you were altogether unable to care for yourself. We sometimes forget that our mothers endangered their lives for our sakes; we are ungrateful for the weary toil of our fathers; we fail to appreciate the many sleepless nights that they went through in order that we might be comfortable. All of us owe our parents honor and respect and courtesy.

b) Children should accept instruction from parents.
We read in Proverbs 1:8, “My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother.”

That admonition is very simple. Children can easily understand it. It is wise to heed the instructions of parents because the advice and mandates which Christian parents give are generally intended for the welfare of the child.

c) Children should diligently obey their parents.
Children are instructed in Colossians 3:20, “Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.”

One of the most beautiful Scriptures regarding the childhood of Jesus is the one which says, “He went down to Nazareth and was subject unto them.” If Jesus, the eternal Son of God, was subject to family authority, then certainly every child ought to obey his parents. One of the saddest New Testament Scriptures is the one that says, in the last days children shall be “disobedient to parents.” A child should never call his dad “the old man” and his mother “the old lady.” Children—treat your parents as you’ll wish you had treated them when you say your last goodbye to them and when you take that last look at mother and daddy as they lie before you in their caskets.

4. Duties of Parents To Their Children

a) Parents should teach their children.
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says, “And these words which I command thee this day shall be in thine heart; and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shall talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.”

Bear in mind that every child is born into this world with a sinful nature, and that the cute cooing baby in his cradle will soon demonstrate that he has a will of his own. He will lustily scream if he doesn’t get his own way. Thus every child needs to be taught diligently. Reading and quoting the Bible in your home should be just as natural as talking about the weather. Teach them the way of salvation. Read to them from wholesome literature. Memorize Bible verses with them. It is amazing how much truth a child’s mind can absorb.

b) Parents should be good examples for their children.
The passage in Deuteronomy 6:6 says, “And these words . . . shall be in thine heart, and thou shalt teach them.”

The Word of God must first be in the parents’ hearts! Children are great imitators. We have all seen little girls wearing the clothes of older persons. They want to be like mother. The best way to “train up a child in the way he should go” is to go that way yourself. Most children want to be the kind of man or woman their mother and dad is.
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c) Parents should discipline their children.
Proverbs 29:15 says, “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.”

The New Testament says that children shall be brought up in the “nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). The word for “nurture” actually refers to “discipline.” Some don’t use the rod, but if you want to ruin your children, just give in to their every desire and you can be assured that the job of ruination will soon be complete. I have seen children throw themselves on the floor and kick and scream and insist on getting their own way, and the parents said, “Let them alone, they must express themselves!” God have mercy on parents who fail to discipline and admonish their children. The Bible tells of God’s judgment on one family because the father (who was a good man engaged in the service of the Lord) failed to discipline his sons (1 Samuel 3:13).

May God help us to live “at home” so sweetly, so tenderly, and so lovingly—that the memories we make within our homes may be music in the heart, sweeter than the songs that angels sing, and may our family circles be unbroken in the world to come.

-By Harold S. Martin
Used by permission of Bible Helps, P O Box 391, Hanover PA 17331.USA
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