If anybody asks you this question, you may go angry or livid because it sounds so insulting. Why? You are never the type of person that would have an affair outside your relationship/marriage. Well, that is because you do not know what an emotional affair is.
Emotional affair does not involve sex. It happens to people who are in courtship or engaged or married but very fond of somebody else who is not their spouse but if care is not taken and brake applied, it can lead to full blown sexual affair.
Emotional affair does not only happen to people in bad, unhappy marriages. It can happen to happy couples, morally sound people and deeply spiritual individuals who love God with all their hearts and hate sin. It can even happen to great men and women of God. How then do they fall into emotional affair?
Emotional affair is not easy to detect at the beginning. It all starts as plain, platonic friendship with the opposite sex whom you exchange
ideas with and find admirable -that’s all. The friend can be a colleague at work, a fellow worker at church, a course mate, the secretary to the boss at the office or the next door neighbour. They
are someone you find attractive and enjoy talking to. If you treat them like you treat any normal friends with no strings attatched, there is no
problem but if you are SECRETLY fond of them, there is a BIG PROBLEM.
Also Read This :5 Secrets Of Great Relationships
Emotional affair starts rearing its ugly head if you are always eager to see them, anxious to hear from them and you feel sad if a day passes without getting in touch with them. It escalates when you begin sharing deep personal issues, especially
relational or marital problems and you find their words very soothing -it’s like Valium, you can’t sleep without it. It progresses when there is subtle flirty compliments (e.g. “Each time I see you, I always feel like hugging you and staying there forever” or
“Can I give you a peck please?”), sweet names calling and you never do anything to stop them, infact you love it and always look forward to hearing more from them. You idolize them while comparing them with your spouse who always
falls short. You see them as your comforter, healer and the only one who UNDERSTANDS you.
You begin to keep your conversations with them a secret from your spouse and deny every accusation of having any affair with them (since you are not having sex).
You have chemistry for them and always sexually charged when thinking about them or talking to them. Now, PULL A BREAK!!!
You are threading on a very dangerous path while consoling yourself that you are not having sex. Most people, especially good people, do not plan cheating or adultery, it “just” happened when all red flags are ignored.
Face the fact that your relationship or marriage is sick that is why you are attracted to someone else and fix the problem. If you do not deal with your relationship or marital issues, you will keep pursuing them and end up sleeping with them and that is the beginning of the end of your relationship or marriage.
Pull back from that person and avoid discussing anything personal with them henceforth.
Also Read This :Courtship, Engagement And The Wedding
Come clean to your spouse and let them know you are getting attracted to someone else and you need their help. (You don’t need to give them the full detail of your attraction).
Stop all chats, be very polite with their calls or ignore their calls altogether if you get tempted to go back. Understand why you fell into emotional affair and take precautions lest you fall into another one. Know that you are human and it is very possible to feel attracted towards the opposite sex, just don’t pursue your object of attraction. Set boundaries. Do not entertain ungodly relationships.
Have a full understanding of emotional affair and protect your heart from being tempted.
Remember the bible says: “Let he that thinketh he standeth, take heed, lest he fall.” 1Cor 10:12. Take charge of your life, do not leave your relationships to chance.
*To promote Godliness and preserve families which is God’s institution, share with all in your families and friends. You might be saving a Marriage or relationship from collapsing. This applies to married and single individuals both male and female. To tell you the truth this is how INFIDELITY starts…so be warned
If anybody asks you this question, you may go angry or livid because it sounds so insulting. Why? You are never the type of person that would have an affair outside your relationship/marriage. Well, that is because you do not know what an emotional affair is.
I woke up from a very frightening dream of my wife pouring hot coals on my Bible. I am a pastor, the former General overseer of a blossoming ministry……My church was beginning to get noticed all around the country, you know that point, when it seem like you are the only one God was speaking to. That was the point I was when I began to have serious deep revelation about my wife.
Just as I got to church that morning , highly disturbed, Sis Chrstiana, a very fervent member of our church who was gifted in visions and prophecy knocked at my door.
“Pastor, there has been underground murmuring in the church, a lot of people have been having terrible dreams about Mama, I shut most of them up, until I saw something very similar this morning”
“What did you see, sis Christiana?” I asked in fear
“I saw Mama, Your wife Sir, carrying a sledgehammer breaking down the building of the church, till the whole church collapsed”
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“oh my God!, lord don’t let this woman destroy me, I also saw a revelation this morning, I saw her pouring hot coals on my Bible, I am finished, I have married the enemy of my destiny, but the devil is a mad man, he planted her in my life for over 15 years without her showing her true colours, now that my ministry is blossoming , the devil wants to use her to destroy all I have labored to gather, God forbid!. Thank you Sis Christiana, I know what to do!”
You would not believe what I did, I went into a 21 days fasting with only one prayer point “ LORD, KILL MY WIFE”I was on a prayer mountain for 21 days and I refused to come down, all I drank for those 21 days was water. A strange sickness took over my wife, I started jubilating, so happy heaven had answered my prayer, I did not pay attention to her, 3 months after my prayer, my wife DIED.
HOW ELATED I WAS, the enemy of my life was dead. Sis Christiana and I became good friends, she introduced her younger sister to me, and I fell in love with her instantly, before long, I perceived she was the will of God for me. She was a very spiritual girl. I married her. On our wedding night, she woke me up…
“ Femi Durojaiye, wake up” she had never called me by my first name, but as I looked at her I saw an elderly woman on the bed instead of my young beautiful wife…
“Hey , Shut up, how dare you call that name, you murderer, listen, from today , you are no more the General overseer of your church. If you make the attempt of ever pastoring again.. we will kill you…”
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Suddenly, just like in the movies three witches appeared in my room, Sis Christiana in the middle.. and Christiana spoke…
“ I have been in your church for 10 years as I had been assigned against you, because of the potential we saw in you, but your wife always defended you in the place of prayer, she was your cover, we needed to clear her away and the only one who could do it for us was you. We just needed you to declare it with your own mouth, and our master the devil worked on it.”
The elderly woman on my bed spoke “ So, I am with you forever, we are already in a marital covenant, blood and soul tie covenant, wherever you go, I go ..so I will be monitoring your every move, so cooperate, hand over the church to a pastor I will introduce to you tomorrow and you will tell your members, the Lord told you to step down as the General Overseer.”
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I did as instructed, and I watched how my big church crumbled before me as the satanic pastor destroyed the soul of my members, stealing their Glory. My new wife made sure she escorted me to my village, where she left me giving me strict warning never to come to the city again. She left me and for TEN years I have not seen her.
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I decided to write this story to let everyone know that we should discern all spirits, not all dreams come from God. Some have been projected from the pit of hell to send confusion into one’s Life. Also in marriage, no matter what you are going through with your spouse, never see your spouse as the enemy, the devil is the enemy.
Lastly, let wives be very vigilant spiritually, there are women who want to clear you out of the way so as to destroy your husband, always be prayerful about your own safety. Husbands pray for your wife, the devil that wants you to lose your wife is actually the devil that wants to remove your spiritual shield, so they can get you.
“BELOVED, DO NOT BELIEVE EVERY SPIRIT, BUT TEST THE SPIRITS TO SEE WHETHER THEY ARE FROM GOD, FOR MANY FALSE PROPHETS HAVE GONE OUT INTO THE WORLD” 1 JOHN 4:1
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Literarily, I have been seeing disturbing pictures and stories of females who stay with men who are violent in the name of I LOVE YOU and I asked myself, a lot of times. At the expense of your life, why?
Now, this is the deal. No one is advising you not to be persistent in relationship as singles. I quite understand very well that there are spiritual manipulations in some marital cases but then I ask myself and tell people. Know when to step aside and when to stay in.
I remember some years back I was in a relationship and I suddenly discovered I had lost who I was and my sanity and person. While the so called guy was happy I was unhappy.
I was so blessed this wonderful Sunday morning as Dan Foster was on Inspiration FM playing a message by Bishop TD Jakes, after the message, I started telling myself you must be a fool. A guy you not even married to.
I took a good bath, dressed up and went for a good walk, around as this gave me room to think. I came back home feeling the best and started putting my heads in the right things and actions.
Now, females, these are the mistakes always rearing up that you make.
1. You don’t get involved in a relationship out of self pity.
2. You don’t get involved in a relationship because you think his being overprotective means love.
3. You don’t get involved in a relationship because you feel so lonely.
4. You don’t get involved in a relationship because you feel insecure and unprotected.
5. You don’t get involved in a relationship because you feel its too late.
6. You don’t get involved in a relationship because you feel others are doing it.
7. You don’t get involved in a relationship because that guy is fine and handsome.
8. You don’t get involved in a relationship because you want financial gratification.
9. You don’t get involved in a relationship because people think you should.
10. You don’t get in a relationship out of self pity.
Know the reason why you want to be in a relationship.
Here are tips for you;
1. Sit down, analyse yourself and what you want in a man and a relationship with him (remember, if you are useless you will analyse having a useless man, if you are goaless, you will analyse being with a goaless man. Who you are is who you will get. Work on yourself).
2. Have a strong and sound relationship with God, ask for spiritual guidance and don’t jump ahead of spiritual guidance. Like some people do, before they are told wait. They’ve gone 10 steps ahead, then trouble starts.
3. Develop yourself, build your mind, build your attitude, build your character because in the end you will be able to say if I am not like that, I don’t want a guy like that.
4. Keep your body. It belongs to you. Any guy who says proof your love to me by having sex with me. Just in the word of Praise Fowowe “tell him to go dance naked 3 days in the market and highway to prove it”, because in the end when he snatches your dignity from you, nakedness is what follows.
5. Decide not to settle for anything less in choosing a godly partner.
6. Decide never to tolerate any form of violence, verbal abuse or physical abuse or emotional abuse.
7. Ensure you know not just his financial stability, but how he can handle his finances. I am not asking you to dot after rich men, but there is what is called family accounting system. Is he detailed, so you guys don’t run bankrupt, because of mismanagement. Remember you need to be a judicious spender too yourself to figure that out in him.
8. Make sure he has goals, visions, purpose, because if he does he will be busy creating a world with you to achieve that instead of jumping from skirts to skirts. More so, if he sees value in you other than sex, child bearing and chores the better. Add value to your own life so you can be valuable to him.
9. Know his stands on domestic violence. Know his anger level. I laugh a lot at people who say, he or she will change. Sorry, that’s an error. Its you that would conform to being miserable at the end, if not careful.
10. Be a friend of the Word of God. Constantly ask God, seek God, Know God. I had to repeat this again to make you see its necessity.
11. Don’t take an over possessive guy as a choice of partner. In the end they care less.
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12. Ensure he is in love with his positive personality and also appreciates himself and not what people or females think of him. People who value themselves value others positively.
13. Don’t, don’t, don’t, fight over him. If he is worth it and deserves your love, you won’t need to struggle to have him. Ladies, I see fight ladies over guys to me are cheap skate, because if you fight a billion females, if he will sleep with a trillion he will still do it. Know your worth.
14. Ensure he references certain people in authority, because if he does not, you’re in for a big mess.
15. Be sincere with yourself. Create no idol in your heart towards any guy so you can think freely.
16. Get that ideology of love is blind out of your head. Love is not blind go read 1Cor 13. Its lust that blinds you from reality.
17. Be with a man who wants to correct your mistake in love. That way you progress. Not the one who sees you’re wayward and let’s you continue that way.
18. Sex gratification is not a relationship, stay away from guys who wants to use you for that. They are evil.
>>>>>Also Read This:The Truth About Living Together Before Marriage<<<<<
19. Don’t jump after so called spirit filled church activist. The ones who are in every department in the church, although its a blessing to have such but be careful, so pray and accept the one with God in his heart and is God’s choice for you.
20. Learn to control your emotions, feelings, desire and utterances.
21. Read good developmental books that would nourish your mind, spirit and develop your brain.
I pray God guides you in following Him for the right partner in Jesus name! Amen!
Written by :Tolu Eyinfunjowo.
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As a minister beware that at one stage or the other in your ministry, you will find yourself dealing with the following groups of people. If you don’t have wisdom to deal with them, challenge is there are certain levels you will not reach in your ministry.
1. Thomas group -they walk with you but they don’t really believe in you. Though God can use you infront of them, they are not easily moved they take time to believe in you. These people can delay your vision and they are also not aware they are also delaying themselves. It’s a struggle and a burden to lead people who don’t believe in you.
2. Judas group– they walk with you but they have issues with you when God begins to bless you. They are not happy when things of great value are given to you. In short they are jealous of your success. When elevation comes they will say we have the poor in the church but the Pastor is driving a BMW 5 series but we have people that are struggling financially in this church . They want you to drive a Toyota Tazz which will make them happy. They have serious issues if your life becomes better and better. They talk as if you don’t care about the poor. Hear these Pastors, anyone who is jealous about your prosperity in your local church tomorrow he will betray you.
3. Absalom group– you give them your pulpit to teach or preach and he begins to see himself as the Pastor of the church, he believes he can teach and preach better than you. When he preaches, he preaches to prove a point that he is better than you, he won’t even mention you in his sermon. He works behind you to steal the hearts of people so that people will follow him. He will make people to feel they are neglected in your ministry. He will tell people he is there for them to help them anytime they need help. This group is in competition with you , he believes he can be a better Pastor then you . Tomorrow trust me he will split your church.
4. Korah group– this one will challenge your authority, he believes you are at the same level with everyone and he has issues when other church members give honor to you. He will say you are honoring this man too much. He has issues when you give instructions, he is rebellious and dangerous because he sees you as someone who is at the same level with him. He believes everyone is called and everyone is anointed so what is so special about you .
5. Ham group– this group will expose your nakedness, the day you find yourself in a shameful act, He will tell everybody your weaknesses and he will be happy to expose your disaster .
6. Gehazi group– this group is with you but will be collecting money from behind your back. He takes advantage that he is close to the pastor and use that to collect things from people. He borrows money from people and he does not pay them back. He goes to people to ask for financial assistance and make people feel you are not taking good care of him as he serves in the house.
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7. Deotrephes group– this group is too dangerous, he is famous in the church , he has power and influence and has a voice amongst the people. He speaks malicious words behind your back . He is poisonous, he can come with stories that can totally destroy your image as a pastor. He can come up with serious lies that cause people to leave your ministry. He will come with stories that you are squandering church money, you are sleeping with the women and you are also using sangomas to grow your ministry. His stories are very harmful and dangerous.
And Jesus said “Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity. Matthew 7:22-23”
Therefore I pray that God will give you wisdom to deal with all these kinds of spirits because, no Pastor can rise to higher level of his ministry until all these spirits have been dealt with in his local church, and if you deal with them in a canal way you can cause more damage to yourself and your ministry.
I start this post with a caveat: I believe in the historical understanding of Church Growth, marked by evangelism that necessarily resulted in disciples in the local church. I affirm, for example, the words of church growth writers Donald McGavran and Win Arn from the 1970s: “. . . we deceive ourselves if we believe that a person who has made a decision for Christ, who has prayed, ‘I accept Jesus Christ into my life,’ has truly become a disciple. We must make sure that he or she really follows Christ, really lives as a disciple. . . . We do well to use the more biblical concept of disciple and to evaluate our effectiveness in that context.”
On the other hand, I also think it’s wise to be aware of these cautions about church growth:
1. Growing a Crowd.
It’s possible to grow a crowd, but not a church. A group of people who gather on Sunday are not automatically a New Testament church – even if the word “church” is in their name.
2. Growth and God’s blessings.
Growth is not necessarily a sign of God’s blessing. A crowd might increase even when the gospel is not preached. Higher numbers might be the product of God’s work, but they’re not a guarantee.
3. Growth by Transferring Members.
Growth resulting only from transferring members can be deceptive. Of course, transferring one’s membership to another congregation is exactly the right move in some cases. Churches that grow only through that means, though, are often lulled to sleep evangelistically.
4. Evangelism without discipleship.
Even when the church is growing, evangelism without discipleship is not fully biblical church growth. Making disciples (Matt. 28:18-20) includes not only reaching non-believers, but also equipping believers to carry out the work of the gospel (Eph 4:11-12).
5. Discipleship without Evangelism.
Likewise, discipleship without evangelism is not fully biblical church growth. My generation focused more on evangelism (though we didn’t do it well), to the neglect of discipleship. I fear that the young generation today is overcorrecting our omission by emphasizing discipleship to the neglect of evangelism.
6. Church Growth Attendance.
Church growth attendance numbers are not enough. I’m not opposed to numerical evaluation; in fact, I think we don’t ask enough numerical questions. Attendance matters, but so does the number of attenders who genuinely model Christ. And the number who share their faith and invest in believers. And the number who are growing in their spiritual disciplines and serving in the church. And the number of members we send out to take the gospel around the world. And the number of parents who are teaching their children the Word of God. And, I could go on and on. . . . Accountability matters, and numbers are one means to move in that direction.
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7. Growing Adams and Not Christ.
It is possible to grow an Adams and not Christ’s Church. As I look round today, I see lot of what we call church growth as purely a gathering of people that are truly estranged from God. Simply because we make human efforts to please God, receive from Him even in our sinful and disobedient state of heart and life. That is the church of Adam. While Christ’s church consist only of those that truly repents, live Godly and shows HIM to others by their lives and works.
Whose Church are you growing?
By Francis Akin-John.
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Marriage is not a human custom that gradually came to be accepted during the early history of mankind. Marriage is a God-ordained sacred institution, and it is intended to be a lifetime proposition. Jesus said, “Have ye not read that he which made them at the beginning, made them male and female, and said For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they twain shall be one flesh?”(Matthew 19:4-5).
Marriage originated at the time of creation; it is not a mere human invention. In Genesis 2:24 God says that a man should leave father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they two “shall be one flesh.” That text, given at the beginning of creation, says four things about marriage. Marriage is to be:
monogamous—one man, one woman; a man and his wife permanent—joined to one another speaks of a binding commitment, like epoxy glue heterosexual—given in the context of a man and woman (Adam and Eve)a separate unit—the word “leave” means “to abandon the former relationship”
The Bible encourages young people to consider marriage—and certainly it is unwise for people to suddenly marry, without ever having paid any attention to each other, or without really getting to know each other. Therefore we approve of courtship among young people—but there are some instructions that need to be passed along to youth.
a. The dangers of courtship
There are many pitfalls during the years of courtship, but the most menacing danger is related to habits which can lead to sexual intimacy.
The primary reason why many marriages end in disaster is because during courtship the couple becomes too involved in their physical attraction for each other. They don’t really get to know each other as persons because the sexual attraction becomes predominant. It is very easy to overlook even obvious personality defects, since so much pleasurable emotion comes from the activities of touching and embracing (necking and petting). At those moments—when the passions are aroused—who cares about personality defects?
The sex experience is beautiful and right—but only within the bonds of true and honorable marriage. Why within marriage? Because God knows that the physical relationship between a man and a woman might lead to the birth of a child—and that the child will only get the proper nurture within the family situation of a godly marriage. The Bible says that “marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled, but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4).
In the Bible, fornication (sex experience before one is married) is classified as being equal to stealing and murder and idolatry. Most Christians would never think of committing murder—taking the life of another person—but God says that fornication is equally wicked.
What most people during courtship don’t seem to understand—is that touching and embracing (necking and petting) are simple acts designed to pave the way to excite the passions for the ultimate act of sexual intercourse. Step by step—if these habits are started, you’ll likely push back the barriers of what you permit—until it is almost impossible to avoid the act of fornication.
Also Read This: The Tragedy of Divorce and Remarriage
Many young persons don’t seem to recognize the principle in human behavior which is known as “the moral law of diminishing returns.” The law simply says (when related to courtship practices) that once a couple has proceeded to one level of intimacy, it is almost impossible to return to a less intimate level. The couple who progresses from holding hands to the act of touching and embracing—can scarcely ever return to the less intimate level and be satisfied.
And so a dating couple should enjoy each other’s presence—carefully avoiding familiar intimacies that could tempt each other beyond the power of self-control. Those people who can’t seem to get enough of each other before marriage (spending evenings pawing all over each other)—are often the very ones who have all kinds of conflicts after marriage.
One of the best safeguards to a pure courtship is a well-planned date—an evening filled with activities that are all planned—things to do and places to go that are planned in advance.
Visit the homes of lonely people in your community, especially the aged and widows and shut-ins. They enjoy having a group of energetic young people singing a song, engaging in conversation, or letting a word of testimony. Plan activities with the family at home. Spend time together cooking a meal, making candy, popping corn, looking at pictures, or playing simple games. Spend at least part of each dating period reading and discussing a passage of Scripture. Both can agree to read the same portion of the Bible at the same time each evening of the week. There’s something special about knowing that your special friend is doing the same thing you are doing at exactly the same time, even though separated by many miles.
These are things to do, and places to go, in order to make your courtship constructive and filled with purpose.
b. The choice of courtship
The Scriptures are clear: believers are not to even consider marriage with unbelievers under any circumstances at all. The Law in Israel forbade intermarriage with persons from the non-Jewish nations round about them (Deuteronomy 7:3). We are not to marry pagans. Believers are not to give their daughters to unbelieving boys or their sons to unbelieving girls. The New Testament commands the same thing. We are not to be “unequally yoked together with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14).
To those who are not yet married, we must say this: Those who seek your hand in marriage might be generous and well-trained and handsome—but unless they are children of God by faith in Jesus Christ (not necessarily members of your church), and are concerned about obedience to the Scriptures (and give clear evidence of knowing the Lord)—you must not even consider dating [courting] them. Failure to observe this basic law of God has led to shipwreck in thousands of homes—and any girl who marries a young man with the idea that she will change his undesirable traits after the ceremony, is only inviting disaster! If a person is not honest and trustworthy before the wedding day, the words of a marriage ceremony will not change him. If he is careless about handling money before marriage, he will likely exhibit the same characteristics later on.
There are other instructions related to choosing a good partner. Sometimes I’ve been asked the question, “How can I know when I’m in love with the right person?” There is no formula that can be used to accurately answer that question—but here are some statements that will be true about the two of you if you are intended for each other:
1. There will be a feeling that you’ve been lifted to a higher spiritual level through the association with your special friend. One young man said, “Every time I’m with her, she inspires me to become a better person.”
2. You will have confidence and trust in your special friend, and will not really have a desire to date other persons. True love creates a “we” feeling.
3. You will want to see and meet and know your partner’s parents—and brothers and sisters and relatives and friends.
4. You will have respect for the one you love—respect for that person’s beliefs and convictions and moral standards. These things will be more important than his or her physical attractiveness.
5. You will be lonely when circumstances require the two of you to be separated. You will long for the day and the hour when you can be together again.
6. You will hurt when your special friend is hurt or criticized. You will rush to the defense of your friend and seek to support him (or her).
7. You will want your children to have the character qualities and attitudes which are evident in the life of your special friend.
If each of you is bubbling over with these seven characteristics, it is quite evident that love between the two of you is really growing. And remember that true love can thrive without physical contact. If you can’t be together without hugging and holding and squeezing—something is wrong. The base for your companionship is too shallow. Your interest must be in the total person, not merely in his or her physical charms.
If you took a trip together shortly after your marriage—and you were in a car accident—and the body of the girl (or the boy) you just married is really battered—and her face is re-arranged—and the doctor says “She will never quite be the same,” would you still be able to love her and take care of her? True love is concerned about the total well-being of the potential partner, and is not merely a romantic dream about spending eternity in each other’s arms!
All of us have read the account of the engagement of Joseph and Mary, as it is given in Matthew 1:18-25. “Engagement” is a definite mutual agreement between a courting couple, stating that they will plan for and look forward to marriage. They prepare for marriage by further testing their love, further learning to make adjustments, seeking to correct faults, and making plans for the wedding day.
The couple should only enter into the betrothal period after much prayer, and with the full confidence that God has been leading. There’s a new joy and thrill that comes when planning things together—thinking about the future together. This new, closer companionship will help determine whether your partner’s love is really genuine, or whether it is only a clever imitation.
Sometimes when a young man becomes engaged, he thinks that because the matter of whom he is going to marry has been settled—he can now relax and let his ordinary behavior surface. He may have previously been play-acting. For this reason, sometimes, one (or both) of the partners realizes that the engagement was a mistake (and this is not to encourage breaking engagements)—yet while engagements should not be taken lightly, it is far better to break an engagement than to seek a divorce after marriage.
a. Qualities that should surface during engagement
A prospective marriage partner should have a strong faith in God and should accept the teachings of the Bible as his rule for life—including the practices of nonconformity and nonresistance.He should possess self-confidence, not with an air of superiority thinking he knows it all, but with a positive feeling that he is going to meet and work through life’s problems.He should manifest self-discipline, exercising reasonable control over his temper, his words, and his bodily appetites.He should have ambition and purpose, showing a sense of responsibility toward work, and toward getting things done on time. He should be willing to admit his mistakes, take responsibility for them, and vow to profit from them. He should have mature ideas about how to handle money. He should not be a miser who saves every penny, nor should he be a careless spender, spending everything as fast as he earns it. He should reflect a sense of respect for his home, his parents, and his brothers and sisters.
And of course, any person who looks for those qualities in a potential marriage companion should work diligently to develop those same qualities in his or her own life.
b. Purposes for the engagement period
a time when you prove your love, and guarantee that you are a team, and are both going in the same direction.a time when you discover in each other an increasing companionship and a growing respect and admiration for each other.a time when you make plans for the wedding and the household that will be established.a time when you discuss such matters as how the money will be handled, how family worship will be conducted, who will take the garbage out, where you will live, and to which church you will belong. The Bible and wisdom teach that it is best not to live at either parental home. To “leave” father and mother—means to abandon the former relationship, not to dishonor father and mother.a time to learn about the more intimate things of marriage—including sexual activity and the birth of children. Seek the counsel of someone in whom you have confidence and speak about the details. A helpful book on the subject (from a Christian perspective, for persons who will soon marry) is “Sexual Happiness in Marriage” by Herbert J. Miles.
Also Read This: Improving Marriage Relationship
It is very important to remember that just because you are engaged, you are not free to explore each other’s bodies. Sexual relationships are for cementing the marriage relationship into a strong and permanent bond.
3. The Wedding
When it comes time to plan the wedding, determine to let the occasion be marked by simplicity and modesty. The money spent for a showy wedding is not an investment that will pay dividends; it is money spent that is gone forever. Think of the thousands of people in Africa and India who are dying this week.
The wedding is an important ceremony because marriage is a sacred event. Jesus says that at the time of marriage, the couple leaves father and mother and they cleave to each other. They are no more two, but one flesh (Matthew 19:6). Just as Satan tries to take Christout of Christmas and the resurrectionout of Easter, so he seeks to take the deeper spiritual essence out of the wedding ceremony and put trivia there instead.
a) The wedding event is often too elaborate and expensive.
The average formal wedding today, among many circles in the Western world, involves decorations and gowns and suits and invitations and postage and pictures and a reception—so that the cost often falls between $5,000 and $10,000 and even more. Yet we are aware that a wedding ceremony can be beautiful and impressive and sacred without blindly following the routine cultural patterns.
There are ways to keep the cost of a wedding in a more moderate range. Here are some suggestions.
1) Buy (or make) a nice mid-calf length dress for the bride, and wear it occasionally after the wedding day.
2) Have only a limited number of attendants for the wedding ceremony, and request that the attendants wear clothing which they can wear after the wedding day.
3) Write your own personal notes of invitation instead of sending expensive engraved invitations.
4) Consider limiting the reception to a light snack instead of a full meal. Weddings would be a lot more Christian if they were a lot less elaborate!
There is beauty in simplicity. A wedding is not intended to be a fashion show. It is to be one of the most sacred of all Christian services. The serious purpose of binding two hearts and lives together for a lifetime of home-building must not be lost in the midst of the formality and display of an elaborate wedding procedure. It does not cost much to walk to the front of a church auditorium, and seriously repeat the marriage vows, and then kneel together and pray.
b) The wedding event is often built around the bride.
The typical wedding in many cultures is saturated with matriarchcalism. It centers on the bride, and thus violates the Bible principle of mutual love and dignity that should surround both parties in a marriage.
In some circles, the wedding format is something like this:
The people begin to arrive in the church building; there is quiet pre-ceremonial music; the ushers seat the women; the men tag along behind like frightened little puppy dogs. After a few musical selections, the clergy, the groom, and the best man appear from somewhere at the front of the church auditorium. Then, down the aisle come some sweet little girls carrying flowers, followed by some sweet big girls clad in beautiful dresses (often very immodestly designed); and finally—the big, important, momentous occasion arrives! As the rear door opens—and in answer to the call of music—finally, here comes the bride!
All eyes are glued on the bride; the people smile and everybody stands; all eyes watch the bride’s movements very carefully. After someone “gives away” the bride, the people sit down—and from that point the ceremony is in charge of the officiating minister.
Also Read This: The Truth About Living Together Before Marriage
It would be much more in keeping with mutual love if the bride and the groom would walk into the auditorium together—or even for the bride to come via one door with her parents, and the groom come via another door with his parents—and the two meet together at the altar, facing the minister in charge. In the Christian wedding, the worship, honor and glory should be directed toward Jesus Christ, not toward the bride.
After the ceremony the newly married couple should be allowed to greet guests, and then leave the scene of the wedding in peace—with the echo of their vows ringing in their ears, the good wishes of their friends lingering in their hearts, and the blessing of God upon their marriage.
When two people stand side by side and promise to love and cherish each other until death separates them—it’s not hard to believe that the angels in Heaven hush their songs for a while, and stand in awe as they listen to the solemn vows. May God help each young person to find joy in living, whether your lot in life involves marriage, or whether in the providence of God you happen to remain single. To those who have never married, and you are somewhat older, the right person might still appear on the scene—but if not, don’t become discouraged. It’s better to want what you don’t have than to have what you don’t want!
By Harold S. Martin
Used by permission of Bible Helps, P O Box 391, Hanover PA 17331.USA
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Question: “Should a Christian use a Christian dating service to find a spouse?”
Answer: The Bible doesn’t talk about dating services. In fact, it doesn’t even tell us how to “date” or “court,” or whatever term we use for the process we use to get to know a potential mate. In the Bible times, dating did not exist in the same form that we see it today. Back then, families helped young women and men meet and become engaged and often chose their children’s mates for them. Today, while familial involvement is still the norm in many cultures, in many others, singles are more on their own to find a mate. Some singles don’t bother to look for a spouse, believing God will bring the person to them, while others are forever on a search for one, fearing they may miss him or her. There should be a balance, as we remember that God is perfectly loving (Ephesians 3:18; 1 John 3:16-18) and perfectly sovereign over every situation, desire, and need (Psalm 109:21; Romans 8:38-39). God uses our choices, other people, and sometimes even modern technology, to bring about marriages.
Before a Christian single considers any of the “newer” methods of finding a spouse like using a Christian dating service, it’s helpful to consider whether we may be engaging in any self -defeating behavior. Is it possible we are being too picky, looking for the fairytale prince or princess, and by doing so, limiting the possibilities of what God may know is best for us and which we have not yet considered? Are we not being picky enough, forgetting that God calls all Christians to marry only other Christians (2 Corinthians 6:14), or are we considering someone who is stuck in a serious, life- altering sin that could endanger the marriage? A Christian man should take the lead in relationships and making sure their relationship glorifies Christ in all things.
A Christian woman should let the man take the initiative as the leader God made him to be. And, finally, as believers, we should be able to stand on our own two feet, relying on the Lord to fulfill us rather than feeling a need to be married in order to be whole. Once we have these common struggles sorted out, we can begin to pursue a woman, or be pursued by a man, with an eye towards marriage.
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As in all decisions, we should ask God to direct us clearly. It can be difficult to meet single Christian men and women, especially if most of our friends have already married. We can put ourselves in a position to meet other Christians by looking for a church singles group. We may want to volunteer for a cause we care about or join other groups, being sure that we are doing it because we enjoy it, not just because we want to meet as many potential mates as possible. Some people prefer to meet their spouse through friends, family, or in a chance meeting out in the world, and many do just that. But others believe they are limited in the people they meet because of their profession, the size of their city, or the nature of their activities. For these people, it may be wise to consider other methods. Some of the modern methods of finding a mate include internet or online dating, professional matchmaking services, and speed dating. Each has its pros and cons, and none is right for everyone. Before beginning any of these methods, we should begin in prayer, asking God whether it is the step He wants us to take.
Internet dating is currently the most popular alternative way to meet singles. There are several Christian dating services as well as secular services that allow users to limit their searches to Christians. (Please note that Got Questions Ministries does not endorse any particular Christian or secular dating service site).
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One major downfall of internet dating is that you can never be sure who is being honest and who is pretending to be someone they’re not. The result of a deception can be humorous, but it may also be deadly. It’s a good idea to never answer any communication from someone from another country, unless you are able to conduct an extensive background check on him or her. Some of these people are trying to con the men and women they meet. Be careful about any personal details you share via online communication. It is also wise to meet the person face -to-face before becoming too emotionally intimate via email communication. When you do meet for the first time, do so in a public place— never allow them to drive you anywhere or take you somewhere where you will be alone. It is wise to plan a double date, so that a close friend can offer his or her opinion on this (let’s face it) complete stranger. Listen to your instincts and get away fast if you ever feel you are in any danger. Warnings aside, though, many happy Christian marriages have come out of internet dating.
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Professional matchmaking services are usually safer than internet dating, but are less popular, and don’t always have a very large pool of people to choose from. They can also be more expensive, usually involve more extensive applications, and require some type of background check. But, if done safely and wisely, professional matchmaking can potentially lead to a successful Christian marriage.
Speed dating is where singles circulate systematically through a room of tables in order to assess a potential date in only a few minutes per rotation. At the end of the night, they turn in a card that indicates with whom they would be willing to be matched up. The couples who have mutual interest will receive each other’s contact information. Again, if done safely and wisely, this can potentially lead to a successful Christian marriage.
In all of the choices we make, though, it’s crucial to remember that it is God— not us— who brings us together with a spouse. As simple as it may sound, we shouldn’t have to work to find our spouse; we should be living out our lives with any desires for a spouse on the back burner and our desires for knowing God at the forefront of our hearts.
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Seek God and He will fulfill (or change) your desires (Psalm 103:5; Romans 12:2) in His perfect way and His perfect time (Romans 5:6; 8:26-27). Would we want it any other way? Look at the story of Isaac and Rebekah and how God brought them together (Genesis 24). It was sovereignly planned and controlled by God. God holds our every moment in His hands (Psalm 31:15), and He will not let us slip through the cracks of His gentle fingers. He cradles our lives and our hearts in His hands, and He will not forget His children. If God has intended marriage for you, He will bring it to fruition and will be faithful to guide you in your role in bringing it about. In the meantime, seek God in what He has for you now. God has a purpose for each of us, single or married, and it is a shame to miss living His purpose fully for you in whatever season you are in by becoming too focused on whatever season He has in store for you next.
Courtesy: Got Questions Ministries.
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PASTOR RICK WARREN: WHAT BILLY GRAHAM TAUGHT ME ABOUT LASTING IN MINISTRY & ENDING WELL
(The day Billy died, I ended up spending the entire day answering a dozen media interview requests about his impact on my life. At the end of the day, I wrote this below. The photo is from one of my many trips to my mentor’s home over the years.)
Billy Graham was the most influential Christian leader of the 20th century. He preached in person to more people than anyone else in history- over 215 million. With a global ministry that spanned 60 years, only Pope John Paul II and Mother Teresa would be as well known around the world.
Billy’s message was simple and clear, and it never varied: No matter who you are or what you’ve done God has never stopped loving you and he has a good plan and purpose for your life Because none of us are perfect, we all need a Savior to in order to have our sins forgiven, understand our purpose for living, and gain a home in heaven. That’s why God sent Jesus to die for our sins. God’s offer of forgiveness and freedom is available to anyone who humbly repents and accepts the grace of God through Jesus, regardless of your ethnic or religious background.
Growing up in a Baptist home, Billy Graham was our pope. I read my first Billy Graham book, Peace with God when I was in the 6th grade. When I was 16, I felt called by God to serve in ministry and I began preaching in churches and crusades on the West Coast each weekend while still in high school, so Billy was my hero and model. My grandmother was quite a woman of prayer so when I began preaching as a teenager, she would often tell me “The two people I pray for every day are Billy Graham and you.”
Then, in 1971, when I was 17, I heard Billy speak in person at the Oakland, California Crusade. I still remember thrill of it. 3 years later, at the 1974 Los Angeles Crusade, I met Billy for the first time when I was 20 years old. By that time, I had preached over 120 youth crusades and Billy somehow heard about my young evangelistic efforts and he took an interest in me. That began a mentoring relationship that stretched over the next 40 years. It would be hard to overestimate Billy Graham’s impact on my own life and ministry, on Saddleback church, and the Purpose Driven network around the world.
As a mentor, Billy taught me different things at different stages of my life, As a teenager, he was my model for preaching and inviting people to faith in Jesus. But in my 20s, it was Billy’s personal character – his integrity, humility, and generosity – that profoundly influenced me.
Then, in my 30s, I began to see and appreciate how strategic Billy was in how he organized his ministry, how he innovated, how he used new technologies, and how he strategically built relational bridges to different groups
Finally, in my 50s, Billy taught me about how to be a statesman in international settings, and how to work with governments without being co-opted by any political group. He even taught me the danger of signing public statements.
I could easily write a book about all the ways Billy Graham shaped my life and approach to ministry. He taught me many lessons through conversations and correspondence but I also caught many lessons simply by watching his private habits, his public manners, how he answered questions, how he led meetings, and especially how he related to people with different beliefs, lifestyles, and cultures. Billy led a life worth studying.
It was never my goal to copy his calling, but to learn his character. God called Billy to be an evangelist, traveling the world to witness to unbelievers, while God called me to plant and pastor a single congregation for life. Most of my global travel has been to train other pastors, and lead our P.E.A.C.E. plan. Still, many of the skills and convictions needed in both callings are the same.
The Bible tells us to “Ask the former generation. Pay attention to the experience of our ancestors. For we were born but yesterday and know so little. But those who came before us will teach you. They will teach you from the wisdom of former generations.” Job 8:8-10 (NLT)
Anyone who has completely 60 years ministry without any moral failure or scandal should be studied. Many people start off well but they don’t end well. How was Billy Graham able to finish well? Of course, Billy built his life and ministry on the unshakable foundation of God’s Word. He preached God’s truth not human opinion. But he made many other smart choices. Let me just mention four:
1. TO LAST IN MINISTRY AND FINISH WELL, BUILD YOUR LIFE ON INTEGRITY, HUMILITY AND GENEROSITY.
It is character, not talent, that you need to make it to the finish line. I have a framed newspaper headline from 25 years ago in my office that says “Billy Graham Turns 75 With His Integrity Intact.” I framed it because, to me, that is a definition of true success and finishing well. Billy finished well because of his character. He lived with humility, integrity and generosity, which are the antidotes to the 3 most common traps of leadership pride, sex, and money.
Billy modeled humility. He never forgot his farm boy roots, his small town values, and the fact that everything he had was a gift from God. Humble people are gracious people and Billy was always gracious to everyone. Great people make other people feel great, while little people belittle people, Billy taught me to ignore both the flatterers and the attackers- the cheers and the jeers from the sidelines, and instead focus on finishing the race God has called you to run.
Billy modeled that personal integrity is a daily choice. He established clear moral and financial boundaries around his life and ministry that I unashamedly copied. Our Saddleback Staff 10 Moral Guidelines are based on same boundaries Billy set up with his team We’ve used them for nearly 40 years.
Billy modeled generosity. The list of other ministries and causes that Billy funded is quite long and wide.
2. TO LAST IN MINISTRY AND FINISH WELL, BE A BRIDGE-BUILDER, NOT A WALL-BUILDER. BE A UNIFIER, NOT A DIVIDER.
In the 1950 & 60s Billy insisted that all his crusades be integrated. In some southern cities in America, the Graham crusades were the first public events to be racially integrated. But Billy also insisted that his crusades be religiously integrated. He put Catholics and Protestants, Calvinists and Charismatics, Fundamentalist and Evangelicals, Liberals and Conservatives, all on the platform together. He was criticized for it, but he knew that God blesses unity and harmony.
By not getting involved in partisan fights, Billy was able to minister to all kinds of politicians and to both sides of the aisle. By staying out of denominational fights and competition, he was able to serve every denomination. Billy Graham was loved by the whole world because he loved the whole world! He was gracious Christian statesman.
Billy was always more interested in the eternity of nonbelievers than in the favor of narrow-minded believers who didn’t want him associating with “unholy” groups of people. But as an evangelist, you spend most of your time talking with people who don’t believe or live as you do.
Billy taught me that to reach people without Christ, you must sometimes ignore religious and political divisions. To be a bridge-builder you must walk across the line. When Billy accepted invitations to preach in Russia, North Korea, and other countries that were led by Communists, he was ruthlessly criticized by people who considered politics more important than the gospel. Critics said “They will use you as a pawn of their propaganda” but I happen to know that Billy’s attitude was that while that might happen, he would use them to get the gospel out, and the gospel of Christ’s love is far more powerful than any political paradigm.
I have been attacked and misunderstood for accepting invitations to speak to groups of Muslims, Buddhists, atheists, LGBTQ, secular liberals, and fundamentalist Christians. But I am called by God to share the Good News where ever I can, and you cannot bring your enemies to Christ, only your friends.
Before you can help others trust Jesus, they must trust you. Before they accept that the Bible is credible, they want to know are you credible? To be used by God as a bridge-builder for the Gospel you must be willing to be unpopular with those who only want to build walls. Billy taught me that we must take the gospel wherever we can, even if that means being misunderstood, or criticized, or accused of guilt by association.
3. TO LAST IN MINISTRY AND FINISH WELL, BE AN ENCOURAGER, NOT A CRITIC.
Everybody needs encouragement, and there were times in my ministry that Billy’s encouragement came at just the moment I need it.
Some of the most valuable possessions I own are the letters and personal notes that Billy wrote to encourage me over the years. One note he sent me was after he watched the first time I was interviewed on a Larry King Show. His words of encouragement are framed on a wall in my office between letters from Martin Luther King and Mother Teresa. I’m sure there are many others who received similar notes because it was Billy’s nature to encourage others in ministry.
Another time, Billy asked me to fly to his home give him an update on our Purpose Driven Global P.E.A.C.E. plan in 197 nations, His praise was effusive hyperbole but it encouraged me. After sharing a 2 hour report Billy said with tears in his eyes ” Rick, this is the greatest vision I’ve ever heard. I just wish I was around long enough to see it happen!” That was trademark Graham encouragement and it filled my eyes with tears too,
4. TO LAST IN MINISTRY AND FINISH WELL, SHARE YOUR PLATFORM WITH THE NEXT GENERATION.
We must take the long view, realizing that our ministries are just one brief phase of a long line of servants of God. Many have served God before us, and many will serve after we’re gone. Part of each generation’s responsibility is to set up the next generation for effectiveness. I watched Billy do this over and over, not only with me, but with many others.
While in college, I wrote my first book called Warren’s Bible Study Methods. Billy got a copy of it, and in the early 80s, when he organized his Global Congress for Evangelists – a 10 day training conference in AMSTERDAM, Billy called me up and said “Rick, I want you to come teach 13,000 evangelists from 190 nations how to study the Bible for themselves. He bought my book in 17 languages and gave a free copy to all 13,000 attenders.
At that time I was only in my 20s and I had very little confidence in my writing ability, but when Billy shared his platform with me, I thought, “Well, If Billy thinks my writing is good enough to give to all these leaders, maybe I should keep writing!” The Purpose Driven Life might have never been written if Billy Graham has not believed in me. So now, I am always looking for ways to encourage and share my platform with young writers and pastors.
Decades later, when I was invited to pray the invocation at the start of President George Bush’s inauguration week, and then again 4 years later at President Obama’s inauguration, Billy’s private advice was invaluable. He even gave me his hat that he wore when he prayed at previous inaugurations. He mailed it to me as a surprise along with warm personal note that said “Rick, It’s your time now. I believe in you! Wear the hat! Love, Billy” So I did.
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People often ask “Who will be the next Billy Graham?” and my answer is always the same: There will never be e a replacement! Not only is Billy irreplaceable but the world has changed dramatically. In each generation God raises up new women and men to do his will in new ways , My life verse us Acts 13:36 but I think it is also a great description of Billy Graham’s life and ministry. Speaking of King David, it says, “David served God’s purpose in his generation, and then he died.” To me, this is finest definition of a successful life: serving God’s purpose (that what is timeless) in your generation,(in a timely way)” To do what is permanent and unchanging in a world that is constantly changing is the highest use of life. and it is the only thing that will last forever.
As we celebrate the life and legacy of this giant of faith, I urge you to get to know the Jesus Christ that Billy spoke of for over 60 years and then I urge you to commit to “serving God’s purpose in your generation” just as Billy did.
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Why You Should Be Very Careful of What Church You Attend (and “so-called” Men of God You Follow) – A MUST READ!!
My name is Chidubem Okwu. I am a pastor, but I have disappointed God and I really don’t know where to begin to tell my story.
I must tell you the truth. I can’t really say if I have a call or not. I was a Sunday School teacher in my church for 9 years at Kaduna. In 1999 I was led to start a church, but from the experiences I have gathered now I cannot say I was actually led by the Holy Spirit to start that church.
As at 2008, I was not making any progress both spiritually and materially. I saw many churches which began several years after mine and they were making waves and are still making progress. At a point I did not know what to do again, and after discussing with my wife I decided to approach the general overseer of a church that began 7 years after I started my ministry and explained to him that personally I was not making any headway and same with my ministry. My ministry would grow up to 200 people and after a short period it would shrink to 50 people and at times it would grow to 150 and shrink to 40 people. I approached him because the growth in his church was fast. He began the church in 2006 and by 2012 he was recording 11,000 people on a Sunday service and he was also making good money and riding in big cars, including the latest jeeps.
After listening to me, he promised to help me solve my problem. He said I needed to be empowered and that it is going to cost me some amount of money besides, I need to have a big and strong heart. Then he asked me if I have got a strong heart and I told him that I have, as long as it is not going to involve killing a fellow human being. He asked me thrice if I have got a strong heart and I consistently gave him the same answer. Again he asked me if I want a single empowerment or double empowerment and I asked him which one was better and he said double empowerment was better but it would cost me a lot of money, and that after the empowerment I was going to be told how to maintain and renew the power.
This time I became afraid and I asked him if the maintenance and renewal involved any ritual, he said no, that whatever the renewal and maintenance will involve are just normal things that I was already doing so I should not be afraid. He said I should go and raise three hundred and fifty thousand naira (350,000) which I had to borrow from my wife. The next day I handed over the money to him and he asked me to go and get ready that we shall be going to Lagos and Port-Harcourt. I got ready and we took flight from Abuja to Lagos that same day.
In Lagos we lodged at the guest house of a big ministry and at 11.30p.m we went out in a private car to the Bar-beach. At the Bar-beach we were at the bank when he spoke some unknown language and told me that a woman was going to come out of the water and that I should do whatever she says. As soon as he said that, there was rumbling on the surface of the water and a mermaid came out of it. The general overseer told me not to be afraid that the mermaid will not harm me, so I picked courage when I saw her.
When she came to the surface of the water, the lower part of her body was like that of a fish. My eyes were transfixed to that lower part, and as she was getting closer to me it became human. Then she came to me and asked me to have sex with her which I did in the presence of the general overseer. After having sex with her, she put her hand in her vagina and made a sign of the cross on my forehead and my palm and told me that she had empowered me and that I would see the difference. The mermaid left me, went to the General Overseer and brought out a golden cross and chain from her stomach and wore it on the neck of the general overseer who gave her some money. The mermaid thanked him and went back into the sea. All the time she spoke in English language.
Also Read This:Confession That Shook Me
When we eventually got back to the ministry’s guest house, the general overseer told me that we have to go to the church of that ministry because they were having a night vigil. When we got there I was given an opportunity to minister in the church and as I raised my hands from the altar the members began to fall on themselves, and some were tumbling on others. I must say, I was almost embarrassed because I never expected the manifestation of the mermaid power to be so soon. After the all night service we went back to the guest house and the general overseer asked me if I was happy the way the power manifested and I said yes. He told me that we should go to bed and get some sleep because we would be going to Port-Harcourt that evening.
That afternoon as I was sleeping, that same mermaid I had sex with at the Bar-beach came to me in my dream and told me that to maintain and also constantly renew the power I must be having sex with a virgin once every month, so this jolted me out of sleep. I went to the general overseer’s room to explain what I saw and heard in my dream and he said it was no problem. When I asked him how I was going to be getting the virgins he said he was going to assist me get them, but I needed to pay for his service. Honestly Apostle after this I wanted to backout, but I had no courage to say or do so.
While at the Bar-beach I saw many pastors who came there with other senior pastors. It is like a tradition! There must be a senior pastor bringing in younger pastors, and I believe each senior pastor had a particular mermaid they relate with because I saw up to ten mermaids attending to some other young pastors.
In the evening we were at the local airport in Lagos and took a flight to Port-Harcourt. At Port-Harcourt we lodged in the guest house of another ministry and at mid-night we got out, eventually arriving in a very big compound of a woman called Eze-Nwanyi. Inside the compound were many houses.
We met many pastors there including first generation church pastors. When it was my turn, the general overseer paid some money and itemized what should be done for me. When I went into the room I was surprised it was a woman again and as I was thinking – woman again! I found myself on top of the woman on a bed in an adjacent room. Honestly I have not been able to recall how I found myself on that bed. I had sex with her and also sucked her breasts. After the sexual session, she made some animal cry and administered some stuff into my eyes and I began immediately to see into the spirit world and also discussed with some spirit beings. After that she gave me a bottle of olive oil which she called “do as I say”. She said with this the members of my church will do whatever I ask them to do.
She also gave me another bottle of olive oil which she called “all seeing oil”. She said with the oil I could see deep into people’s secrets, and a bottle of olive oil which she called “slaying oil” for slaying people (under “so-called” anointing) during prayer. She finally gave me two more bottles of olive oil. The first one is “crowd pulling oil” and the second one is “touch and follow” – which I will be using to hypnotize women especially virgins because I will be having sex with them and married women to renew the empowerment. She said I could have sex and immediately after that I could go straight into ministration without having my bath. She bound me with an oath of secrecy.
Also Read This:Pastor W. F. Kumuyi Message To The Church
We left that same midnight and went back to the lodge, and the general overseer told me to rub the “touch and follow” oil then we went to the vigil of the church in which we were lodging in their guest house. I was allowed to minister and I burst into prophesy to my own astonishment.
In the morning two virgins were sent to the general overseer and he gave me one. So we took them to the guest house and had sex with them.
What really surprised me was that the young girls never asked where we were taking them to and why we were taking them there, which is unusual for virgin girls.
When the girls left, the general overseer told me that from then onwards I had to concentrate my sermons around prosperity and stop preaching salvation and righteousness messages. He said I should be sending tithes to him and that he knew how part of the tithes would get to the woman at Port-Harcourt. Eventually we left Port-Harcourt to Abuja and back to Kaduna.
When I began service after my return, things began to change. Money began to come, the crowd also began to come and within one week miracles, deliverance followed by prosperity began to happen in the church, the spirit of prophecy came in like I had never seen it in my life.
I have been having sex with virgin girls and married women and things have been working out fine for my family and the church for the past six years, but I have gotten to a stage in which I am no longer feeling comfortable with the whole thing. I have had dreams in which I saw myself burning in hell. I have had this dream of hell seven times and in one of the dreams I awoke only for the same dream to continue when I went back to bed. I have been having sleepless nights, and many nights I get raped by that same mermaid. I have lost two of my children mysteriously, but through the same pattern. For the past three months I have not been able to get virgin girls and this has affected the power as it is going down.
I want to get out of this whole issue even if it means closing the church. I have gone to the general overseer and he said it was too late for me to get out. He threatened me with mysterious death. He said it is not possible for me to turn against the mermaid and Eze-Nwanyi because they were already part of my life. I told him that I will do everything positively possible to get myself out of this.
Three days later two men approached me and told me that if I love my life I should vanish from Kaduna because they have been paid by the general overseer to eliminate me, so I had to close the church and left the town finally after two days.
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As I am writing to you now I have nothing to hold on to but only God Almighty. The problem is that God seems to be very far from me no matter how much and fervently I have been calling on Him and asking for His mercies. I know I have offended Him, but I know He is a God of second chance. I have read your books – Overcoming the Queen of the Coast series, and I strongly believe you are the only one that God can use to help me out of this physical hell I have put myself. I am really afraid of going to meet any other person (man of God) because those who are using devilish powers are more than those who use the power of God.
For some time now I have not been sleeping at night and I also at times hallucinate. Sir, I urgently need your help because I believe time is running out for me as the attack from the marine kingdom increases. No other pastor has exposed them like you. I know I have transferred many spirits into so many people and I want to know what I can do so that those people can be free from these wicked and evil spirits.
Apostle, it is really unfortunate that the Church of our Lord Jesus Christ has been taken over by Mermaids. The number of pastors using marine spirits is alarming, and more of them are getting initiated daily into this wicked kingdom. So these pastors are also initiating their spiritually illiterate members.
Before I messed up myself spiritually, I had always wondered why members of churches follow their pastors sheepishly, but now I know better.
The marine kingdom is working day and night to overtake the church and unfortunately the church is sleeping. In the last two months I have had four car crashes and I know they want to eliminate me, but God has been my helper and my only hope.
They have killed my two children and now they want me dead. I am becoming afraid of staying alone because of some bizarre spiritual appearances I see, and things have started to move in my brain and body. Any time I start praying the movement would start and sometimes I feel the movement in my marrow.
The greatest need I have now is to be forgiven by God. If I can get His forgiveness I don’t mind dying after that because I really don’t want to go to hell. I have been misled by the general overseer just as so many young pastors have been misled by their general overseers and senior pastors. Sir, I know you are a very busy person. I will appreciate if you find time to pray over this my problems and seek the face of the Lord on how He will use you to help me out. I know that if I am forgiven, my deliverance will be easy. I regret selling my soul to marine spirits.
The Eze-Nwanyi is also a very strong agent of the mermaid.
I look forward to hearing from you
Your co-servant in the Lord,
Pastor Chidubem Okwu.
When I received this letter I called the number over three times, but it was switched off. So the next day I called and it went through. A woman took the call and when I asked to speak to pastor Chidubem, I was told that he had died in a car crash the previous day. I was dumbfounded. I just expressed my condolences to the woman who later told me that she was his wife that she had to amend her ways with the Lord and move ahead with her life. She expressed gratitude and thanked me. Also Read This: Grace For Finishing Strong
After I cut off the discussion I was frozen to a spot for over five minutes until my son came and touched me asking what the matter was.
I must say that it is very unfortunate this pastor died. Those of us alive need to be extremely careful on what we do and where we place our hands. When we want success by worldly standards we can easily soil our hands. I know that if he had not started to get out of these evil powers they wouldn’t have killed him. Only God knows if he was forgiven by God before his sudden death. If not, no one needs to tell you his destination by now. We must make choices in life and whatever choices we make there are consequences and we should be ready to accept the consequences of the choices we have made. God is not going to hold the general overseer responsible for the sin of the young pastor. May God help us to be watchful, wise, and to wait for Him to fight on our behalf instead of seeking and succumbing to worldly and devilish measures for help!
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Quiet. Do you hear that? Do you hear those two clamoring voices in the background? It sounds like they are talking to one another but neither one is listening. How can they hear one another if they are both talking at the same time? How can they learn the other person’s point of view if they are both talking at the same time? How can they resolve the issue if they are both talking at the same time? They are not interested in hearing and understanding their beloved spouse’s point of view. Instead, they want to vehemently unleash their anger, frustration and disappointment upon one another. So as their spouse talks, they zone out. They hear each other but they really do not hear each other. They are destructively elevating their voice so that they can hopelessly get their point in.
Oddly enough, their views on the subject are not that far apart. However since they are not listening to one another, they are unable to receive and truly evaluate their beloved spouse’s point of view.
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James offers a solution to this counterproductive communication when he encourages us “to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger”. (James 1:19) James is challenging us to deny our selfish fleshly desire to unleash our fury upon our spouse and listen to one another. But you say “I don’t want to listen”. I agree. Who wants to listen when they are mad? However, it is listening that is the catalyst for identifying the issue from both parties perspective and then finding an agreeable solution. How many times have you spent hours arguing with one another without knowing the true issue? How many times have you ended the argument without a solid solution? How many times have you engaged in the same heated discussion over and over again?
By listening, we have the opportunity to hear and evaluate our beloved spouse’s view while learning their heart and becoming the “one flesh” the bible speaks of in Genesis 2:24. Sure, we will not agree with one another all of the time. But at least we understand each other’s point of view which provides us with the opportunity to find a prolonged solution that works for the both of us.
In addition, it is easier to manage our temper if we are listening attentively. Unbridled anger tempts us to say and do irrational things. We love our spouse but in the heat of the moment, we attempt to transfer our pain and frustration about the situation to our spouse. So we call them a name. We remind them of their various faults and short comings. We slam our fist against a wall or table. We shove or hit them.
Don’t let anger get the best of you. Learn to recognize when you are getting hot before your pot boils over. Just because you are angry does not mean you have to act upon that anger. The bible says “be angry but sin not”Ephesians 4:26. That may require you to swallow some pride, hold your tongue and walk away until you calm down. I know that sounds weak but it is a strong man or woman who can control their emotions. It is a strong man or woman who can recognize their boiling point and then take the necessary steps to squelch it.
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Now let me get gender specific here. Ladies, if your husband recognizes that he is reaching that boiling point and begins to walk away, let him go. Don’t walk behind him hurling insults that you know will attack his character and increase the temperature in the room. Sticks and stones WILL break our bones and words DO hurt.
After you have walked away, the conversation is not over. You may not want to talk about it any more but in order to resolve the issue and strengthen the relationship, you have to return and address the issue. It would also behoove you to take the initiative in restarting the conversation. You are the leader of the home and the one who walked away. Thus, it is your responsibility to restart the conversation. I know that it is easier to sweep the issue under the rug. Unfortunately those issues do not stay under the rug. They slowly ease their way out causing distance, enmity and resentment in the relationship.
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We do not have to live this way. When the inevitable disagreement arises, we encourage you to attentively listen to one another before you express yourself in words or actions that you cannot get back. While powerful, anger is not overwhelming. We can control our tempers. The key is recognition followed by productive action. Apply these steps and watch Your Marriage Succeed.
Also share your experience with us in the comment box below, God bless you and your marriage!