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WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 27 WAYS TO BUILD A HAPPY AND LONG LASTING MARRIAGE

27 WAYS TO BUILD A HAPPY AND LONG LASTING MARRIAGE

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on January 2, 2020

Everyone entering into the arena of marriage relationship has for one time or the other dreams or wish for a happy and lasting marriage, but the truth is that no one can have a good marriage without been conscious of it.
Here are some recipes picked for you as you journey through the life relationship of marriage.

1. Love the person you married, not the person you hoped to married. Accept your spouse totally. You cannot love a man/woman you do not accept. Stop comparing your spouse with anyone, he or she can never be somebody else. Until you accept your spouse, you can’t get the best out of your marriage.

2. Understand each other. No marriage succeeds without understanding. Learn to know one another as best as you can. Understand you are not the same and may never be. Respect that you are both individuals. Get to know each other strengths and weaknesses. Strengthen each other’s weaknesses.

3. Be quick to forgive and quicker to apologize. Love forgives. Learn to accept apology. Freely forgive your spouse’s past, present and future offenses. Never refer to his/her past mistakes. Never go to bed with anger or unsettled quarrel. Marriage is two forgiver living together.

4. Ask your spouse, “What can I do for you today?” every single day is precious and important in your life.

5. Never talk bad about your spouse to other people. Protect him or her and always keep his or her name safe. Fight for each other, not with each other.WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 27 WAYS TO BUILD A HAPPY AND LONG LASTING MARRIAGE

6. Have lots of sex. Enjoy Sex with your spouse. Never withhold sex as a punishment.
Try putting on the light sometimes for you to appreciate his/her soft and wonderful body, enjoy sex in deferent style.

7. Keep the word “divorce” out of your vocabulary. Remember your vows. Review them on a regular basis.

8. Provide for the needs of your spouse and children. Never be stingy to your spouse. Care for his/her needs. Be generous to him/her. Pay your children’s school fees promptly and regularly. Marriage is not 50/50. It’s 100/100. Give yourself entirely, and don’t hold back. Men, Be sensitive to your wife’s needs. Spend money to beautify her.

9. Be faithful to your spouse. Being unfaithful is the easiest way to completely ruin your marriage. Adultery kills, Pornography destroys.

10. Understand and learn each other’s love language. Either it can be words, gifts, touch, actions, etc. If it is words, then frequently tell your spouse you love and appreciate him/ her. If it is action: regularly do things that they appreciate: either take the garbage out, wash the dishes, cook the food, wash the car, etc.

11. Spoil each other. Keep track of the things your spouse loves and buy them for him or her.

12. Communication is the key to a relationship. Talk like friends and lovers. Don’t make your spouse guess what you are thinking or feeling. Don’t expect him/her to read your mind. You should feel free to discuss all things without fear.

Always listen attentively to your spouse. Switch off your phone or television, shut down your computer or iPad and newspapers, books and magazine should be closed. The greatest communication skill you can develop is the listening skill. Be quiet and patient while he/she is speaking, when he/she is done, you can express your opinion. Look straight into his/her eyes when he is talking to you or when you’re talking to him. This will make him/her feel that you are interested in what he/she wants to say.

13. Love, respect and courtesy are basic ingredients of happy married life. Give them generously to your spouse. Show your spouse how much you love, care and appreciate him/her regularly. Say, “I love you,” every single day.

14. Be honest and show sincere appreciation. Appreciate each other. Show your spouse appreciation for the little things. Be thankful and say so!!! Find something that you appreciate about your spouse and say thank you.

15. Surprise each other with lovely gifts, kiss and sex. Kiss passionately. Hold hands. Cuddle. Make physical affection a priority in your marriage.

16. Make quality time for each other. Keep dating each other. Put your marriage and spouse before your children. Play together. Never lose your sense of humor. Make your spouse your best friend.

17. Share everything…no secrets between you. Be open with your spouse.

18. Be polite and courteous to each other. Saying thank you, please and I am sorry.

19. Get rid of bad habits. Don’t do those things your spouse hates. Don’t do things that hurt him/her. Develop a godly character. Don’t create a hostile environment for your spouse. Focus on making your spouse happy. The best way to improve your relationship is to improve yourself.

20. Always be honest to your partner. Lying never gets you anywhere

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 27 WAYS TO BUILD A HAPPY AND LONG LASTING MARRIAGE  21. Aim to do something at least once per week together. It does not matter what, even if it is to eat together, bath together, watch movies together, read books together and share light conversation

22. Do NOT look at other marriages and covet. No marriage is perfect. Remember, the grass is not greener on the other side. You will still have to maintain, mow and weed that side too!

23. Work at your marriage. If you ever lack motivation for your marriage and feel like the flame has gone dead. Just try to imagine yourself without your spouse. Talk to anyone who has lost their soul mate and they’ll tell you that they will give anything to have back that special someone.

24. Remember, it is your marriage and you have come this far. Make the best of it. Pledge to yourself that you will do your part and try your best. Remember that you chose your spouse for forever.

25. All issues need to have a solution and be resolved at the time of the conversation. Finish what you start otherwise things just hang in the balance, which leads to future problems.

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 27 WAYS TO BUILD A HAPPY AND LONG LASTING MARRIAGE

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26. Don’t make mountains out of mole hills. Don’t waste your time fighting over little things. It’s not worth it. Let small things go.

27. Don’t broadcast your problems to everyone else. If you need to talk to someone about it, other than your spouse, get a therapist.

Above all: Serve God together, Pray together & Pray for one another. Pray for your spouse daily in your personal prayers. Be specific. Talk to God about his or her challenges and trials, and ask Him what you can do to be a better spouse.

God bless your marriage !

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE The Christmas Controversy

The Christmas Controversy

By Gideon in Blog, Faith & religious on December 3, 2019

Striking A Balance

The arguments for and against Christmas have lingered for so long among Christians. While there are believers who hold tenaciously to the belief that Christians should not identify with Christmas, others don’t see anything wrong with it.

The Arguments against Christmas

1. It has pagan origins. The apostate Christian church copied a pagan ceremony and gave it a Christian face.

2. Christ was not born on December 25th

3. We have no scriptural instruction to celebrate Christ’s birthday

4. People have unholy fun during Christmas or Yuletide season and Christ is hardly in their thoughts

Arguments for Christmas

But there are genuine believers who say the the pagan origin of Christmas is not relevant as long as they are celebrating Christ and not a Babylonian sun-god. They therefore see it as an opportunity to not only have godly feast but also share the love of Christ.

While they admit that the birth date of Jesus is not recorded or are even ready to concede with some researchers that Christ was most probably born in October, they see no harm in setting a special day apart to remember his birth.

The Balance

Whilst it is true that the Roman Church may have got its idea of Christmas from a false religion, that in my opinion is not a reason strong enough to condemn believers who are truly celebrating Christ on December 25th.

Honestly, many of the things or ideas that are held today’ s civilisation, are somewhat influenced by pagan Graeco/ Roman culture and that of the paganistic Anglo-saxons.

For example, each day of the week was and remains named after pagan deities.

Sunday is Sun’s day, the day they worshipped the sun or sun-god. Monday comes from Anglo-Saxon, monandaeg( Moon’s day). People paid homage to the goddess of the moon on this day.

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE The Christmas Controversy
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Tuesday is named after a Germanic god called Tiu, a good of war and sky. Wednesday is Woden’s day. Woden was the Roman god of commerce, travel and Science.

Thursday is Thor’s day. Thor was the Norse good of thunder and lighting. Friday is associated with Freya, wife of Woden. She was the goddess of love and fertility.

Saturday is Saturn’s day. If you wanted riches, you had to pay homage to this god.

Despite these days being named after pagan gods, Christians have not bothered to call them by other names. We still say ” our fellowship comes up on SUNDAY ”

We must also realise that Christians who celebrate Christmas do not have a remote or lifeless pagan god in their mind. They sing and talk about Christ.

Jesus is not happier because some people celebrate Christmas and He does not get angry because people do.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE The Christmas Controversy
Romans 14:5-6 says:

“One man esteemeth one day above another: another esteemeth every day alike. Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind. He that regardeth the day, regardeth it unto the Lord; and he that regardeth not the day, to the Lord he doth not regard it. He that eateth, eateth to the Lord, for he giveth God thanks; and he that eateth not, to the Lord he eateth not, and giveth God thanks.”

It must however be said that all days remain same to God. And He wants us to remember Him and show love to people every day. Those who think it is only during Christmas that they have to care for others and the things of God, are myopic.

Let me also say, God is angry at the people of the world who add sin to sin during the Christmas season. We know that enemies of the cross, blind religious folks and the irreligious see this season as the period to organise wild parties and indulge in sexual orgies.

Even if they wish you a merry Christmas, you know that their celebration has nothing to do with Christ but to fulfill the carnal desires of their flesh. For them Christ is not the reason or purpose for the season.

Now to all who really think about Christ this season, I do not know whether to wish you a MERRY CHRISTMAS or a GODLY CHRISTMAS.
God bless you!

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE BACK TO THE OLD ALTAR

BACK TO THE OLD ALTAR

By Gideon in All of God, Blog on November 24, 2019

I just got this article online and hope it will bless your soul!
It is blasphemy to gather young men and be teaching them methods of church growth, when they cannot pray for 1hour or 2hours daily..

I may not have been old in ministry.
But I was born in the church…

In a time when church was growing from the knee…

I was born in a time when people used to troop to church from kilometers away, without any invitation, no handbill, no bulk sms…
And when you ask them, they will tell you they were in the dreams, and God showed them the church in the dream and gave them directions…

Check inside that church,somebody was praying inside the vestry…

Some of them were banished…

Some were divorced by their husbands…

Some were pulled out from school…

All because they started attending the church…

But they remained…

Today, once you speak to your member any how, he will get offended and stop coming to church…

Next week, they would have made him assistant pastor in the church next street…

Those are the kind of members our church growth methods can attract …

Jesus said: “No one can bring them except my Heavenly Father draws them…”

And told us:……”Pray ye the Lord of the harvest…”

Lord, take us back to our knees..

Methods have failed us …

Our fathers knelt down and demons ran away from communities where they were domiciled..

The only constant memory I have of my late father was his kneeling position…

Even at old age he knelt down almost all through the night…

No wonder communities saw him and their native doctors ran away…

And evil forests were handed over to him, free by the villagers …

He conquered those ancient demons…

And today, to the glory of God mighty churches are standing in those places now…

They didn’t go to school…

But they were taught how to kneel …

My brother, sir, God will never abandon a kneeling generation ….

Am in tears here…

We have bragged with shadows enough …

No wonder we have started using church positions to attract them to church…

No wonder we don’t preach certain things again, so that they don’t get angry and leave…

Because we know that it is not the Holy Ghost that brought them…

We know how we stole them from the churches we were invited to minister…

A generation of ministers who are tired in the place of prayer has nothing to offer to this degenerating generation

Oh Spirit of Grace and Supplication,…

Please, invade our lives again…

Oh Lord of the harvest…

Cause us to keel in Prayer again…

…. Lord, make us to encounter You as did Great oracles of Old….

Sir, let us go back to our knees…

It is the old fashioned way that wields greatest power on earth…

Jonah used it inside the belly of the fish and he won a whole city with just one message…

Peter and others while hiding used it, and with a single message, 3000 joined the church…

Among them were bankers, doctors, engineers, fashion designers and captains of industries…

No posters and no handbills.!

And they were among those that defended the gospel even in the face of martyrdom…

They were beheaded…

Some were burnt alive…

While some were tied to horses and dragged to pieces, to their deaths…

Yet, they never had any cause to denounce Jesus…

Because they were all looking for a city whose Builder and Maker is God…

Friends, whatever that was not gotten in the place of prayer cannot stand the test of time…
The Bible said: “Whatever the Lord doeth standeth forever…”

Sir,Ma, lets trust God for grace to kneel again …

How can Satan allow the prophecies over our ministries to come to pass when he knows the threat we are to his kingdom?…

No wonder he has stolen our prayer lives..

No wonder He has quenched our hunger for His Presence…

If Jesus needed to pray to fulfil the prophesies on His head, why do we think that just reading a book written about church growth will do the work for us?…

I am talking to only those who have not forgotten what God showed them when they first began…

It is time to kneel again…

Let’s get back on our knees, reclaiming lost souls in the place of Prayer.

Beloved, cry and fast for personal and generational Revival….

Pray that God should raise die hard Revivalists in this generation….

Don’t be selfish in prayer, it doesn’t matter if it’s you or another person, Ask God to send down APOSTOLIC REVIVAL as of Old…..

Ask God to send Back Revival upon this Generation in the name of Jesus.

Hear what the Spirit says to the Churches: _Cry for Revival Beloved!

O God Arise, and Revive us by Your Spirit and Fire in Jesus’ name.
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WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Dealing With Over Commitment

Dealing With Over Commitment

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on November 19, 2019

“……..they made me the keeper of the vineyards; but mine own vineyard have I not kept. Song of Solomon 1:6”

Yes! life is about engaging in daily activities and so you can be extremely busy, occupied with one thing or the other almost all the time, but at a reasonable point, you will have to draw a line especially when over-commitment are setting in.
The core area can be about your job, business, special assignments, role in the church or ministry, society, even success and achievement can start sending wrong signals that needs urgent attention.
Since all of these can be very quick in taking over your priority or silently Shifting your primary focus in building a strong and healthy marriage/relationship you truly desire, thereby jeopardizing the love, care and intimacy your spouse and children always requires.
Therefore, it is pertinent to create enough time for your marriage.
Also, every lasting Marriage will requires the couple to evolve around a committed life of strong faith, season-less prayer and worship in regular fellowship with brethren in the local assembly.

Therefore, it is high time to:
*Wake up and take caution now!
*Be sensitive with the wellbeing of your marriage !
*Don’t allow things to get wrong or worst before doing it rightly !
*Don’t expose your marriage to the danger of non-chalant attitude and sorrow of abandonment!
* Don’t handle serious spiritual cases with levity!
*Don’t betray the confidence of your spouse and children!
*Beware of over-commitment!

*Procrastination is a dangerous spirit, be prompt in responding to issues in your marriage, always be there for them.

*Give your marriage a whole love and care !

God bless your marriage !!

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 19 Ways To Fix Your Wife

19 Ways To Fix Your Wife

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on October 29, 2019

19 ways to fix your wife – when she is falling apart!

Your wife can be dying in silence while still performing her wifely duties.

You will need to know her to know when she needs to be fixed.

When a woman is always moody, cries a lot, yells on Children, can easily sleep or sleeps a lot, she may be battling with something you are not careful enough to see.

A real man will not allow his wife to fall apart without fixing her and making her better and happy.
If you discover your wife is falling apart, watch out and fix the following:

1. CHECK IF YOU ARE THE PROBLEM
You might be her problem, but out of her respect and love for you, she may not tell you. Ask, let her talk sincerely

2. BE AWARE OF HER RESPONSIBILITIES
Get to know how her work load is killing her. Regardless of whether she stays at home or goes to work, do you know what she does all day? If you don’t, ask her. Her to-do list is probably overflowing with tasks that far outweighs her time and energy.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 19 Ways To Fix Your Wife
3. BE APPRECIATIVE
Be mindful of her needs and appreciative of her sacrifices. The work a woman does at home can be too common that nobody will appreciate her for them, this can be killing her. Appreciate your wife

4. GET INVOLVED BEFORE SHE BURNS OUT
Don’t just be appreciative, but get involved. The best time to begin helping your wife is now. Don’t wait until she breaks down to offer a helping hand.

5. GET MACHINE
Get all the machine needed for her work at home (the ones you can afford). Dish washer, gas cooker, refrigerator, oven, laundering Machine etc

6. BE AN ACTIVE PARTICIPANT
Be totally involved at home, stop delegating parenting and family life. Don’t be a “visiting Professor”, be an active partner in this business of your life. It takes two to parent. It takes two to make a marriage work. It takes two to run a household. Be fully involved in every aspect of your family life.

7. HOLD HER
Hold her like a lover and a friend. Place your hands on her shoulder, her laps, hold her hands, just hold her and let her feel you.

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 19 Ways To Fix Your Wife

8. JUST LISTEN
Men are known to be good talker but very bad listeners. At times what your wife needs is for you to just listen. Do not interrupt, let her unburden, let her talk. Sometimes the best way for a woman to reset is by getting all of her thoughts out. Let your wife talk through her feelings and problems. Show empathy. Listen carefully. Ask questions. Be fully engaged in the conversation.

9. BE A PARTNER NOT A TEACHER
Most men do fall into the “Teaching trap” when they are supposed to be a partner, showing love and consideration. Do not blame, just be there for her. Just listen. That’s all you need to do. And if she wants you to offer solutions, she’ll ask for them

10. GIVE HER HOPE
No matter what happens, don’t ever raise up your hands in surrender. Giving up, crying or weeping will hurt your wife more. Encourage her. Let her know what you love about her. Help her see the good in any situation. Avoid being critical or negative. When she has hit the rock bottom, be the man who lifts her up, and brings light and hope back into her life.

11. BE SENSITIVE
Get to know her mood, get to know her needs, get to know what is needed to be done at home and do them without prompting
Learn the art of looking around the house and finding things that need to get done. Are there dishes in the sink? What is broken that needs to be fixed? Don’t wait to be asked. Just do it!

12. PRAY FOR HER
Take your time off to pray for her, hand her over to her maker who knows the deepest need of her heart . Let God fix her, you can’t do it
Let God know what you appreciate about her. Ask for his help. Ask him to tell you how you can be a better spouse to her. Ask him to comfort her and help her see herself as He see her.

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 19 Ways To Fix Your Wife

13. PRAY WITH HER
Don’t just pray for your wife, find time to pray with her, hug her as you pray together, hold her hands, just talk to your maker together.

14. ASK HER HOW YOU CAN BE OF HELP
Your wife knows what you can do to help her reset, so just ask her. She will open up to you, it may not be what you think, so don’t speculate, ask, She’ll appreciate it more than you will ever know.

15. HELP AROUND THE HOUSE
Give a helping hand around the house. Give her a kitchen holiday for some days, do all the cooking or hire somebody to do it for you. Let her just sit, eat and rest, this may be all she needs.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 19 Ways To Fix Your Wife
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16. TAKE HER OUT
Take her out, eat out, go to the cinema, go to wherever she will love to go, not where you want, just follow her.

17. ALLOW HER TO CRY,IF SHE MUST
“Stop crying, are you a baby?, will you be crying about this little thing?”
This is what most nude earning husband will do when their wives cry, what an insensitive word. If she feels like crying, hold her to yourself and let her do the crying while you pat her on the back. It’s a great way to fix the problem.

18. LET HER GO ON HOLIDAY
Allow her to go on holiday all alone to herself, this can fix the problem as she returns with greater energy.

19. CELEBRATE HER
Let your wife be celebrated. Celebrate her in secret and in public. Talk about her beauty, motherhood, wifehood, support, thoughtfulness. This will make her day.

Let the men read and apply….

Let the women read and pass to the men……especially

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 7 Don't in Marriage!

7 Don’t in Marriage!

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on September 16, 2019

This article “7 don’t in marriage” is part of my practical experience in marriage of which I know that the young couples and older ones will need to carefully work on them, for rich and smooth relationship with little or no hitches that is capable of jeopardizing this beautiful institute of God.
Although your marriage is unique, but almost the same experience of them all especially if it is built on Christ the solid rock. Hence, this tips could be a manual for great and lasting marriage.

1. Don’t IGNORE your spouse.

Be serious, be careful at every complain from your spouse, be it personal or general. If you ignore often, this may result to act of insensitivity which may be dangerous at times, it may even cost life, while some may be irreversible and then you will continue to live with the scares permanently forever. There is need for you to deal with negligence and lackadaisical approach to issues and situations. Learn to always respond swiftly to every complain, a stitch in time saves nine.

2. Don’t DENIAL your spouse’s right to you.

Your heart, your thinking and your entire life exclusively belongs to your spouse- deny your spouse of this great right is a sign of silent and gradual divorce, the relationship will gradually be loosing his savor- heart broken will eventually set in, and you know the result is the opposite of the plan of God for marriage.

3. Don’t DISRESPECT your spouse-openly.

Honor begot honor and respect is a reciprocal, avoid relegating your spouse in any form it could amount to disgrace and the fabric of love will be tearing and wearing gradually.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 7 Don't in Marriage!
4. Don’t SUBDUE your spouse.

The fact remains that you are one flesh, but of two different destiny and one is bound to be greater in life than the other and your glory either are not equal from God and so He did not made a mistake for allowing you together. Accept the grace of God on individual, have the heart that, the success of your spouse is your glory and always appreciate God for this gift. The best you can do in life for your spouse is to help fulfill his/ her God’s giving vision.

5. Don’t DISCONNECT your spouse for any reason.

Should in case of doubt at any point in time in your marriage, always learn to hear your spouse out. Keep the knot strong and stronger, marriage is the only beautiful relationship you can ever have. Therefore, If you handle it properly it can prolong life with absolute tranquility.
Also Read This: Improving The Marriage Relationship
6. Don’t often PREEMPT your spouse.

Yes, you have known and trust your spouse very well, but sometimes you may need explanation for a particular action. But if you are so quick to presume in a matter, you may end up in becoming too haste and judgmental in your approach to an issue you ought to patiently ask for reason for better understanding. You can avoid hurting your spouse carelessly with gentile and loving approach at all time.

7. Don’t COMPETE with your spouse.

You are to compliment each other and not to compete, avoid generating unnecessary rancor. You are not likely to have the same needs met at the same time, yours may come later. Everything in your marriage is also yours including that of your spouse, therefore learn to always be comfortable with godly maturity to enjoy your marriage together. God bless your marriage/relationship. By Dr. G O Oyedepo
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WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE 10 FACTS ABOUT MARRIAGE

10 FACTS ABOUT MARRIAGE

By Gideon in Blog on August 29, 2019

Marriage is forever beautiful and in the quest to have an healthy and lasting marriage, you must avoid comparing your spouse with others, yours is unique, perfect and exclusively created for you, ordained to fulfill your destiny! You will appreciate God in your life only when you accept to appreciate your spouse!

Here are 10 points to help you handle your marriage relationship better! 

  1. Everyone you marry has a weakness. Only God does not have a weakness. So if you focus on your spouse’s weakness you can’t get the best out of his strength.
  2. Everyone has a dark history. No one is an angel. When you get married or you want to get married stop digging into someone’s past. What matters most is the present life of your partner. Old things have passed away. Forgive and forget. Focus on the present and the future.
  3. Every marriage has its own challenges. Marriage is not a bed of roses. Every good marriage has gone through its own test of blazing fire. True love proves in times of challenges. Fight for your marriage. Make up your mind to stay with your spouse in times of need. Remember the vow For better for worse. In sickness and in health be there.
  4. Every marriage has different levels of success. Don’t compare your marriage with any one else. We can never be equal. Some will be far, some behind. To avoid marriage stresses, be patient, work hard and with time your marriage dreams shall come true.
  5. To get married is declaring war. When you get married you must declare war against enemies of marriage. Some enemies of marriage are: Ignorance Prayerlessness Unforgiveness Third party influence Stinginess Stubbornness Lack of love Rudeness Laziness Disrespect Cheating Be ready to fight to maintain your marriage zone.
  6. There is no perfect marriage. There is no ready made marriage. Marriage is hard work. Volunteer yourself to work daily on it. Marriage is like a car that needs proper maintenance and proper service. If this is not done it will break down somewhere exposing the owner to danger or some unhealthy circumstances. Let us not be careless about our marriages.
  7. God cannot give you a complete person you desire. He gives you the person in the form of raw materials in order for you to mould the person that you desire. This can only be achieved through prayer, love and Patience.
  8. Getting married is taking a huge risk. You can not predict what will happen in the future. Situations may change so leave room for adjustments. Husband can lose his good job or you may fail to have babies. All these require you to be prayerful otherwise you might divorce.
  9. Marriage is not a contract. It is permanent. It needs total commitment. Love is the glue that sticks the couple together. Divorce start in the mind and the devil feeds the mind. Never ever entertain thoughts of getting a divorce. Never threaten your spouse with divorce. Choose to remain married. God hates divorce.
  10. Every marriage has a price to pay. Marriage is like a bank account. It is the money that you deposit that you withdraw. If you don’t deposit love, peace and care into your marriage, you are not a candidate for a blissful home.

So today let us pray for our marriages and ask God to help us where we are lacking in the marriage. May God bless you. I love you all. 

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Adjusting To Married Life

Adjusting To Married Life

By Gideon in Blog, MARRIAGE on August 1, 2019

Adjusting to married life could be an overwhelming time for a lot of newly married couples.
But you and your spouse can use this period to build a strong foundation for your marriage. A strong foundation will help you adjust to married life, and transition into life as a married couple.

Below are the 14 tips for adjusting to married life.

1. Money

What’s mine is yours, and what’s yours is mine after we tie the knot right?

Well, that’s how it should be anyways, especially with money!

Have the same checking and savings accounts, learn to agree on finances, start and work on a simple family budget.

Big adjustment there.

For us, ongoing frequent communication was key.

You each have a say in your money. It’s both of your money even if there’s only one income. This is a significant point about adjusting to finances in that first year of marriage.

2. Communication

He speaks male, and she speaks female. We know this, we hear about it all the time, right?

Being married and experiencing this is entirely different.

So many of our arguments that first year of marriage was due to us misunderstanding each other.
Even if you use the same word, the definition of that word may be different to your spouse.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Adjusting To Married Life
3. Selfishness to selflessness

I never realized how selfish I was until I got married.

You have to go from thinking about yourself, what you want to eat for dinner and how you want to live your life, to what do we want for dinner and how do we want to live our life. – Ashley

Putting each others needs before ourselves while keeping the balance so you are not a rug to be stepped on, or taken advantage of. This is a big part of not only surviving the first year of marriage but also having a happy and healthy marriage.

If you both put each other first, it will be a win- win. Learn how to become selfless.

4. Unity

Always remember, your spouse has your best interest. If not, why did they marry you?

In addition, if changing your name after marriage is but of your plans, do it right away.

5. Learning how to “fight fair”

I don’t even like that word because we never fight, we argue or disagree respectfully as mature adults should.

Fighting makes me think of screaming and yelling, name calling, hits below the belt, and things being thrown, or physical harm.

In our first year of marriage, we had a lot of adjusting to do in learning how to disagree in a healthy way because we both came from different families who had different ways of doing things.

6. Honesty
Be honest about your marriage expectations, discuss, and compromise with each other.

7. Boundaries with in-laws, family, and friends

Setting those boundaries of what’s acceptable to share about your relationship with your friends, in-laws, and family members, when they can visit, and how much time you spend with them is crucial.

No one loves your spouse like you do!

If they do something little and it pisses you off, don’t vent to your family member(s) who won’t be able to forget and forgive as easily as you.

Most problems that come up in marriage arguments are usually a misunderstanding or communication issue anyways (excluding any form of abuse or infidelity).

By setting these boundaries in the first year of marriage helps in building a strong foundation for your marriage.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Adjusting To Married Life
8. Romance

You have to communicate to each other what you need to feel romanced and loved, they can’t read your mind.

Compliment each other.

Keep the romance alive.

Don’t forget to really talk about things you enjoy, do things together and enjoy each other’s company.

Marriage is work, but it is also fun.
Marriage is spending your days and growing together with your best friend, lover, and partner in life; so enjoy them!

9. Personalities

You are two unique individuals with two unique backgrounds, therefore adjusting to marriage will require some effort from both of you.

You will have to learn to compromise with each other to ensure the success of your marriage.

10. Meals

Making dinner, lunch or breakfast was an adjustment for us; we are from two different countries.
Since you and your spouse are from two different families you will have some adjusting to do.

We had to find things we liked from each other’s meals, tried to mesh them together, and experimented with new recipes until we came up with meals we both enjoyed.

We love different foods from all over the world and try to make our own versions at home.
Healthy food was an adjustment, we are always striving to eat healthier, one of us knew more about the quality of canned vs frozen vs fresh vs organic.

You are what you eat so this should be a topic of discussion in your first year before the arguments over meals begin.

11. Life challenges and the unexpected events

We had a lot thrown at us in our first year of marriage. It really put our commitment to the test.
We learned to stick together and cling to each other when the storms came. We always planned ahead, especially with our finances.

Being there to lean on, and leaning on your spouse when you need to, that’s one of the best things about marriage.

You have a best friend whom you can rely on.

They are strong where you are weak, and you’re strong where they are weak. Be available for your spouse.

12. Time

Spend time together sharing your experiences about adjusting to each other as a married couple.

Remember quality over quantity. Your marriage needs to be nurtured so it can grow.

Time with your spouse should be a priority too.

13. Patience

Marriage adjustments take time, so be patient with each other.

14. Words

After you said “I do,” you are now a wife, a husband, or partner.

Let it sink in even when it feels or sounds weird.

Also, choose some forbidden words for your marriage.

The adjustments you go through is because:

You are a newly married couple.

You are two unique individuals with different personalities. You have your own way of doing things.

You have different family upbringing, beliefs, and traditions. Adjusting to marriage is a learning experience.

As a newlywed, you can use this learning opportunity to understand and learn more about your spouse.

Certain things that didn’t bother you in the beginning will start to wear on you.

Adjusting to marriage is something you should look forward to during the first year of your marriage.

Furthermore, you must be ready for change because marriage is completely different from dating or courtship.

Yes, change, the word some people do not like to hear.

And even worse, some people don’t think they have to go through it. But to excel at anything in life and marriage, you must be open to change!

Within the first year of adjusting to married life, you could easily become overwhelmed and confused about everything going on between you and your spouse.

It feels as if the marriage expectations you had prior to your marriage is completely opposite to what you are experiencing.
These expectations of marriage you have can make adjusting to married life very difficult for you.

Sometimes you might even wonder or doubt if you married the right person.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Adjusting To Married Life
Be calm

This is normal.

And the stress can be lessened by learning how to communicate with your spouse. Trying to understand them and adjusting to your marriage.
It happened to us too. But we stuck together and compromised with each other on our marriage expectations.

We had to both respect each other’s boundaries. We worked together to build a strong foundation for the wonderful marriage we enjoy today.

As humans, we all have our own way of doing things.

Before getting married, you are used to having your own space, your own car, your own money, making decisions on your own, etc.

He folds his clothes one way, she does a different way.

He organizes one way, she does another, or maybe one of you doesn’t organize at all!

Once you get married, you add another person (your spouse) to the mix.

And marriage adjustments must be made to create a happy, lasting, and healthy marriage.

Finding a way to mesh your differences together and compromising is where the learning curve begins.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE Adjusting To Married Life
You both become ONE.

Your bedroom becomes our bedroom, Your closet, our closet, Your bathroom, our bathroom, Your money, our money, Your decisions, our decisions.

Use these marriage adjustments to start growing together, and building a strong foundation in the first year of your marriage.

In the first year of our marriage, adjusting to married life was not easy.

We had to make some marriage adjustments, settling into the marriage rhythm, and learn as we confronted our challenges in marriage.

Being on the same page, having our family theme, marriage goals, and understanding why we got married kept us going.

In addition, we read marriage books for couples. It’s one of the things we highly recommend for newlyweds.

Learn how to handle the adjustments you go through.

If marriage adjustments in that first year of marriage are not handled well, it is counter productive in setting up a stable marriage foundation.

After interviewing over 30 married couples, we have observed they all experienced some form of marriage adjustments during their first year of marriage.

Therefore, you and your spouse will have to learn how to synergize your differences to enjoy married life together.

With divorce rates so high, you want to do everything you can to ensure a successful, healthy, and happy marriage.

Credit: Marcus and Ashley

WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE THE CHURCH AND THE WORLD

THE CHURCH AND THE WORLD

By Gideon in Blog, Spirituality on July 28, 2019

I have not been in the church for a long time….I was not there on the day of Pentecost…

I was not there when Brother Stephen had to endured the cruel stones of angry religious people who were mad at his biting words…

I was not present when the church rose in unison to save the head of Peter who was already in the dungeon of Herod Agrippa 2 who had silenced the first son of Zebedee among the twelve…

I was not among the congregation that listened as elders read from the handwritings of Paul, Peter or John…

I have not been in the church for a long time! BUT!!! I have been in the church for some time.Long enough to see the era when the world was different from the church.

I saw the days when the world looked at the church with respect and reverence.

I saw the days when “born again” experience was the sincere bridge through which men crossed from the world to the church.

I saw the days of “SU” (scripture union) revivals when all truly converted people were so labelled by the world.

I saw the days when men responded to altar calls not with chewing gums in their mouths but with tears in their eyes, broken and truly submissive before the altar of God.

I have not been in the church for a long time! I have not been in the church for a long time.

BUT!!! I saw the days when men of God were not men of gold.

I saw the days when Reverends were not laughing stocks in the society but men given the honour of the God they truly represent.

I saw the days when men went to church to meet preachers and not entertainers.

I saw the days when the pulpit was not a place for comic reliefs or centers of business discussions but God’s holy altars from where holy fire proceeded to consume evil works in men’s lives.
>>>>>Also Read This :Pastor W. F Kumuyi’s Message To The Churches<<<<<
I saw the days the Spirit of God would expose the secret evils of men when they came to worship and men would not dare come to His presence with sins not yet repented of.

I saw the days when the church was a centre of transformation and God’s workshop where men’s lives were fabricated and moulded after Him.

I have not been in the church for a long time.
BUT!!! I saw the days when churches were not business centres and human empires.
I saw the days when humility was the hallmark of Christian service and men of God were content with that simple life of Christ and would not hoodwink their hungry congregations to pay through their noses for the luxury and extravagance of pulpit business men.

I saw the days when collection of money was never a means for motivating God to answer prayers.

I saw days when men prayed, lifting holy hands and not 1000 euro notes in prayer meetings.

I saw days when men of God were empowered by the Holy Spirit to raise men and not trained by godless motivational speakers to raise offerings.

I saw the days when Jesus was the centre of all messages, heaven was the centre of all focuses and holiness was the centre of all Christian character.

HONESTLY, I don’t know for how long I will remain in the church on this side of eternity. NAY,I do not know for how long the church will remain before the harvest of her Lord.

BUT, my heart bleeds for the modern day church.

Oh! The church of the computer age.

Nay, the church of the ICE age.

The church where men play more than pray.

The church where holiness is a denominational doctrine.
WORD-AFLAME LEADERSHIP COLLEGE THE CHURCH AND THE WORLD
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The church where those who speak the truth are extremists and biased.

I weep for the modern day Church-I see self-adverts and miracle hawking in the name of ministry.

I weep as I see the church married to the world and the world enjoying the driver’s seat of the church.

I weep when I see a church that is a million miles wide but less than a meter deep.

Although I have not been in the church for a long time, I weep brethren for what I see the church turning to in my generation.

I weep because my children and their generation do not see what I saw in the days past.

I have not been in the church for a long time!

BUT!!! I notice everyday that the Bible is the same in every age and generation.

I have read times without number what is written in 1 Peter 2:9:”BUT YE ARE A CHOSEN GENERATION, A ROYAL PRIESTHOOD, AN HOLY NATION, A PECULIAR PEOPLE; THAT YE SHOULD SHEW FORTH THE PRAISES OF HIM WHO HATH CALLED YOU OUT OF DARKNESS INTO HIS MARVELLOUS LIGHT”.

I keep wondering the peculiarity of the church in today’s world. Well, I have not been in the church for a long time!

I have not been in the church for a long time. BUT!!! I have been there long enough to know that the Foundation of God still stands sure and also long enough to know that the Lord still knows those who are His and everyone that is named with Christ must depart from iniquity.

I have been in the church long enough to understand that not everyone that calls Jesus Lord will enter His heavenly home.

For said “MANY WILL SAY TO ME IN THAT DAY, LORD, LORD, HAVE WE NOT PROPHESIED IN THY NAME? AND IN THY NAME HAVE CAST OUT DEVILS? AND IN THY NAME DONE MANY WONDERFUL WORKS? AND THEN WILL I PROFESS UNTO THEM, I NEVER KNEW YOU: DEPART FROM ME, YE THAT WORK INIQUITY” (Matthew 7:22-23).

Beloved, how long have you been in the church and what gospel have you been made to believe?

I hope it is not one that will put your eternity in serious jeopardy?

Think on these things and heed the warning of God from a sincere believer. I have not been in the church for a long time but I desire to be with the Master; my loving Saviour and my Lord throughout eternity.

I HOPE THIS IS ALSO YOUR SINCERE DESIRE!

Please Share And God Bless You!