Adjusting To Married Life
Adjusting to married life could be an overwhelming time for a lot of newly married couples.
But you and your spouse can use this period to build a strong foundation for your marriage. A strong foundation will help you adjust to married life, and transition into life as a married couple.
Below are the 14 tips for adjusting to married life.
What’s mine is yours, and what’s yours is mine after we tie the knot right?
Well, that’s how it should be anyways, especially with money!
Have the same checking and savings accounts, learn to agree on finances, start and work on a simple family budget.
Big adjustment there.
For us, ongoing frequent communication was key.
You each have a say in your money. It’s both of your money even if there’s only one income. This is a significant point about adjusting to finances in that first year of marriage.
He speaks male, and she speaks female. We know this, we hear about it all the time, right?
Being married and experiencing this is entirely different.
So many of our arguments that first year of marriage was due to us misunderstanding each other.
Even if you use the same word, the definition of that word may be different to your spouse.
3. Selfishness to selflessness
I never realized how selfish I was until I got married.
You have to go from thinking about yourself, what you want to eat for dinner and how you want to live your life, to what do we want for dinner and how do we want to live our life. – Ashley
Putting each others needs before ourselves while keeping the balance so you are not a rug to be stepped on, or taken advantage of. This is a big part of not only surviving the first year of marriage but also having a happy and healthy marriage.
If you both put each other first, it will be a win- win. Learn how to become selfless.
Always remember, your spouse has your best interest. If not, why did they marry you?
In addition, if changing your name after marriage is but of your plans, do it right away.
5. Learning how to “fight fair”
I don’t even like that word because we never fight, we argue or disagree respectfully as mature adults should.
Fighting makes me think of screaming and yelling, name calling, hits below the belt, and things being thrown, or physical harm.
In our first year of marriage, we had a lot of adjusting to do in learning how to disagree in a healthy way because we both came from different families who had different ways of doing things.
Be honest about your marriage expectations, discuss, and compromise with each other.
7. Boundaries with in-laws, family, and friends
Setting those boundaries of what’s acceptable to share about your relationship with your friends, in-laws, and family members, when they can visit, and how much time you spend with them is crucial.
No one loves your spouse like you do!
If they do something little and it pisses you off, don’t vent to your family member(s) who won’t be able to forget and forgive as easily as you.
Most problems that come up in marriage arguments are usually a misunderstanding or communication issue anyways (excluding any form of abuse or infidelity).
By setting these boundaries in the first year of marriage helps in building a strong foundation for your marriage.
You have to communicate to each other what you need to feel romanced and loved, they can’t read your mind.
Compliment each other.
Keep the romance alive.
Don’t forget to really talk about things you enjoy, do things together and enjoy each other’s company.
Marriage is work, but it is also fun.
Marriage is spending your days and growing together with your best friend, lover, and partner in life; so enjoy them!
You are two unique individuals with two unique backgrounds, therefore adjusting to marriage will require some effort from both of you.
You will have to learn to compromise with each other to ensure the success of your marriage.
Making dinner, lunch or breakfast was an adjustment for us; we are from two different countries.
Since you and your spouse are from two different families you will have some adjusting to do.
We had to find things we liked from each other’s meals, tried to mesh them together, and experimented with new recipes until we came up with meals we both enjoyed.
We love different foods from all over the world and try to make our own versions at home.
Healthy food was an adjustment, we are always striving to eat healthier, one of us knew more about the quality of canned vs frozen vs fresh vs organic.
You are what you eat so this should be a topic of discussion in your first year before the arguments over meals begin.
11. Life challenges and the unexpected events
We had a lot thrown at us in our first year of marriage. It really put our commitment to the test.
We learned to stick together and cling to each other when the storms came. We always planned ahead, especially with our finances.
Being there to lean on, and leaning on your spouse when you need to, that’s one of the best things about marriage.
You have a best friend whom you can rely on.
They are strong where you are weak, and you’re strong where they are weak. Be available for your spouse.
Spend time together sharing your experiences about adjusting to each other as a married couple.
Remember quality over quantity. Your marriage needs to be nurtured so it can grow.
Time with your spouse should be a priority too.
Marriage adjustments take time, so be patient with each other.
After you said “I do,” you are now a wife, a husband, or partner.
Let it sink in even when it feels or sounds weird.
Also, choose some forbidden words for your marriage.
The adjustments you go through is because:
You are a newly married couple.
You are two unique individuals with different personalities. You have your own way of doing things.
You have different family upbringing, beliefs, and traditions. Adjusting to marriage is a learning experience.
As a newlywed, you can use this learning opportunity to understand and learn more about your spouse.
Certain things that didn’t bother you in the beginning will start to wear on you.
Adjusting to marriage is something you should look forward to during the first year of your marriage.
Furthermore, you must be ready for change because marriage is completely different from dating or courtship.
Yes, change, the word some people do not like to hear.
And even worse, some people don’t think they have to go through it. But to excel at anything in life and marriage, you must be open to change!
Within the first year of adjusting to married life, you could easily become overwhelmed and confused about everything going on between you and your spouse.
It feels as if the marriage expectations you had prior to your marriage is completely opposite to what you are experiencing.
These expectations of marriage you have can make adjusting to married life very difficult for you.
Sometimes you might even wonder or doubt if you married the right person.
This is normal.
And the stress can be lessened by learning how to communicate with your spouse. Trying to understand them and adjusting to your marriage.
It happened to us too. But we stuck together and compromised with each other on our marriage expectations.
We had to both respect each other’s boundaries. We worked together to build a strong foundation for the wonderful marriage we enjoy today.
As humans, we all have our own way of doing things.
Before getting married, you are used to having your own space, your own car, your own money, making decisions on your own, etc.
He folds his clothes one way, she does a different way.
He organizes one way, she does another, or maybe one of you doesn’t organize at all!
Once you get married, you add another person (your spouse) to the mix.
And marriage adjustments must be made to create a happy, lasting, and healthy marriage.
Finding a way to mesh your differences together and compromising is where the learning curve begins.
You both become ONE.
Your bedroom becomes our bedroom, Your closet, our closet, Your bathroom, our bathroom, Your money, our money, Your decisions, our decisions.
Use these marriage adjustments to start growing together, and building a strong foundation in the first year of your marriage.
In the first year of our marriage, adjusting to married life was not easy.
We had to make some marriage adjustments, settling into the marriage rhythm, and learn as we confronted our challenges in marriage.
Being on the same page, having our family theme, marriage goals, and understanding why we got married kept us going.
In addition, we read marriage books for couples. It’s one of the things we highly recommend for newlyweds.
Learn how to handle the adjustments you go through.
If marriage adjustments in that first year of marriage are not handled well, it is counter productive in setting up a stable marriage foundation.
After interviewing over 30 married couples, we have observed they all experienced some form of marriage adjustments during their first year of marriage.
Therefore, you and your spouse will have to learn how to synergize your differences to enjoy married life together.
With divorce rates so high, you want to do everything you can to ensure a successful, healthy, and happy marriage.
Credit: Marcus and Ashley