Once you have decided to get married everything will revolve around the wedding day and making sure it is perfect. All your plans will need to be discussed and all the finances worked out. It will be expected that there will have to be some financial hardship in the run up as you will both want the day to be perfect. Nerves can become frayed and the relationship may seem to suffer but that will always be put down to pre wedding nerves. Once the big day has come and gone it will be expected that everything will get back to normal and you will have the perfect relationship you had beforehand.
It is now that the real work has to begin as quite often this will be the first time either of you has lived with anyone other than parents and siblings. Getting used to each other’s habits that may have either been not noticed or accepted as cute in the past when you only had to be confronted with them once a week can become annoying if they have to be endured day after day.
After the Wedding
From now on you and your partner are the people who are going to have to make all the decisions and ensure that the house runs smoothly. Everything that is done in the house has to be carried out by one or the other so decide early on how the workload will be split. At one time it was normal for the man to work outside the home and the woman to stay in the home so it was easier. Nowadays with both partners often working outside the house the housework has to be shared out.
Always treat each other as a best friend and not just as a spouse. Compliments should not end once you have tied the knot and just finding a minute each day to tell the other how special they are will keep you close and can make the other feel appreciated. It can be things such as “you are beautiful” but even remembering to say thank you for small favors will keep the relationship friendly and let the other one know you care.
There will be arguments and disagreements regardless of how long you have been married and there are good and bad ways to deal with conflict. There are occasions when there is not a simple solution and someone is going to have to lose. If you are making plans for a break and one wants to go for a week and the other a weekend, going for 5 days will be a compromise. If is it regarding going at all and one does not want to go anywhere and the other wants a break then one has to win and one has to lose. A simple solution to find out how important it is is to state how strongly you feel on the subject and grade it on a scale of 1-10. If it is really important to one then it may be best to go along with them. The main thing to check is if one partner always claims it is really important to them they are being selfish and always wanting their own way.
Always be open and honest about your feelings. A small argument can turn into a major row if you pretend nothing is wrong. If you are not prepared to listen to your partner when they have a problem they can easily turn to someone else. It may not be an affair or something that ends the marriage but once a friend knows more about how your partner feels than you do then it can be the beginning of a bigger problem.
Keep the Romance Alive
It is important to keep the romance alive so as you can always remember why it was you wanted to spend the rest of your lives together. Whereas you may have once had a candlelit dinner in a nice restaurant you can recreate the atmosphere in your own home. Keeping things light is also important. You may not be the funniest person in the world but if you can say something each day to make your partner laugh you will keep the relationship fresh and fun.
You may enjoy each other’s company but there is no need to spend every minute of every day together. Giving each other space can in fact bring you closer together. Just spending an hour or so in different rooms can give you time to yourself and mean that you look forward to being back together. Being able to do what you want to without fear of interruption will allow you to relax and recharge your batteries.
More Personal Issues
Accept your differences regardless of whether they are in or out of the bedroom. You fell in love with this person as they were so there is no need to try to change them. There may be little tweaks here and there but by and large no one wants to be told they need to change totally. If they suddenly get a list of things you don’t like, you may soon find that they are making a list for you.
The first five years have been considered to be the most crucial ones when it comes to setting a good foundation for a marriage. Marrying early can create problems and if there seem to be issues early on do not feel too embarrassed to go to a marriage counselor.
Money will not be important when you have plenty but as soon as it becomes scarce it is amazing how quickly the arguments will start. Don’t hide debts as it will be easier to stop them spiraling out of control. Don’t be ashamed to want a separate account as well as a joint one. It will be nice for both of you to have some money to spend as you please without worrying there will not be enough to pay the bills. When statements come in don’t be afraid to question an item. As long as you accept the same happening to you it can be healthy as it could be a mistaken deduction and if not questioned you could lose money.
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Finally don’t be afraid to discuss sexual issues. There may be things that you would prefer to happen or not happen but are frightened to say. Your partner may feel the same way but be afraid to mention it. Even if they don’t they may not mind the fact that you wish to talk about it. Be open and honest and find out what each other really wants.
In all areas of your married life make sure that your partner feels important. You have both given up the way of life you were both used to and now you have someone else to consider. Always be honest about the way you feel regardless of what the issue is and discuss how to rectify any problems. When you have had your discussions always make sure the other is OK with the outcome. This is the person you could be hoping to spend the next 40 years of your life with and if things start to go wrong early on they may never get repaired. BY COLLEEN CRAWFORD.
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